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Need Advice Please help!

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:36 AM
  • 17 Replies
My stepdaughter came to live with my husband and I in March of 2012 8 months later the judge granted my husband custody of both of his kids due to there mother using drugs. My stepson has adhd and aspergers when he first came to live with us he wasn't taking any medicine and had hard time adjusting since then we have got him on the right medication and he is doing a lot better. I really need some advice my stepdaughter is 14 and keeps a lot of things in and want talk, she stays on her cell phone all the time last months she had over 9,000 text messages, the mother of one of the boys she was talking too sent me a message of a text that she had sent her son saying she had tried to kill her self with a car and almost broke her leg which was not true and never happened, my husband tried to talk to her and she want tell him anything he told her he was going to take her to canceling and she said I want talk. I have suggested to my husband for us to get a app so we can see all her text messages so we can try to get an idea of what might be going on with her, any suggestions?
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:47 AM
4 moms liked this

Take away her cell phone.    If she feels no need to talk to you or her Dad, why should she talk to anyone else?




2010momof4
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:58 AM

My husband has said that he should take her phone, but I think he is worried that if he does that she will want to go back to live with her mother, she is 14 and I dont think the judge will allow that but with her being 14 I dont know.

melissa7283
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I would take her phone away. Then keep her close by u n dh @ all times and watch her closely when she is home. I wouldn't wry bout her wanting to go to her mom. If that happens then that's probly the way it's suppose to be. Do ur part n dnt wry bout the rest. Hopefully you n dh get her back on track soon. Hope this was helpful. God bless you! (:
2010momof4
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:39 PM

Im thinking it might be best for my husband to take her phone she just posted on facebook that she just finished her test and now she is bored. I really want to help her with whatever it is she is going threw, just last week she posted on facebook 3 different boys that she was in a relationship with, I know she has seen and been through a lot her mother has had a least 20 diffent men in and out of her life since her mom and my husband divoiced.

2010momof4
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 1:36 PM

BUMP!

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Aug. 27, 2013 at 1:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Family counseling they can help facilitate better communication. If her mom is on drugs she prob has a lot of issues from her childhood she has to deal with. I would do this ASAP. It's only going to get worse.
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deb51980
by Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:14 AM

I think it is a terrible idea to snoop on her text messaging.  That is sure to destroy trust.

Somewhat better is to announce that you are monitoring texts but that is not a great idea.

The fact that your daughter fabricated a story about a suicide attempt is as alarming as an actual attempt.  Bravo to the other mother who alerted you.

Your daughter needs to be in counseling.  Period.

Best wishes with this.

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this

The fact that her daughter fabricated the false story about suicide is all the more reason why she should be checking her text messages, secretly or not.  That's the problem with kids today.  Adults keep complaining about children, failing to realize they are the reason most kids are the way they are today.  Parents give way too much freedom and always making excuses for their behaviour.  Start holding kids accountable for their actions and maybe we won't have a society full of self righteous, entitled, and irresponsible children growing up way too fast.  So many parents are in the dark about what their kids are really doing.  And sadly, when you try to tell them, they are often in such a state of denial.  The parents are to busy treating their kids like they are their peers rather their parent.  The kids are given far too much privacy and the parents aren't checking what's really going on. Say what you want, kids are only going to let you know what they want you to know. I don't care what kind of relationship you have with your child, parents who think their kids tell them everything, are dillusional.  Think about when you were a child, I'm sure there's something you probably still haven't told your mother you did.  My oldest talks to me and I to him, but I don't for 1 second believe I know everything he's doing.  


Quoting deb51980:

I think it is a terrible idea to snoop on her text messaging.  That is sure to destroy trust.

Somewhat better is to announce that you are monitoring texts but that is not a great idea.

The fact that your daughter fabricated a story about a suicide attempt is as alarming as an actual attempt.  Bravo to the other mother who alerted you.

Your daughter needs to be in counseling.  Period.

Best wishes with this.



ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't worry too much about the daughter wanting to go back to her mother.  Your husband was awarded custody of her so I'm sure the courts already know being with her mom would not be an option right now.  Unfortunately, a bad seed has been planted and its going to take a lot of work to uproot it.  Try the counseling and be prepared to take some possible hits for being the "stepmom".  As hard as it might be, hang in there with her.  Keep talking to her and showing her you care.  That might be a foreign concept to her but one she needs to experience.  Kudos to you for accepting the challenge of both kids.  I'm sure being hit with ADHD and Aspergers alone is a lot.  The added teenage drama is like icing on the cake.  I would take the phone and monitor her behavior.  This might be the thing to get her to talk.  Kids today act like their cell phone is their life. If this works, and if you have to randomly check her messages for a while to be sure she's back on track, then that's what you do.  Talk to her about it and explain to her why you're doing what you're doing.  Best of luck to you and your husband!

MrsBLB
by Missi on Aug. 27, 2013 at 11:03 AM

I would get into family counseling as soon as possible.  Good luck 

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