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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I am heartbroken.

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:45 PM
  • 35 Replies
My son turned 18 in May and graduated high school in June. He started college this week, and today he is moving out to live with a roommate. I wanted him to live at home while he went to college and only work part-time to pay for the fun things he wanted to do. He and his friend found a place to rent for $425 a month. He felt that it was to good of a deal to pass up and if he waited the deal would not be available when he was ready to move out. His friend's mom is excited for them to move out on their own. They are moving across the street from the friend's mom. I feel like it is easier for her because it isn't really like her son is moving away because they will just be across the street. I am not ready for my son to move out and have to pay bills. I wanted him to live at home and enjoy life for a little while before he had to live the adult life with bills and stress. I just want to cry watching him move his stuff.
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by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 7:15 PM

He will be back.  Within a year, maybe by Spring--If you don't help him out too much with his expenses, that is.  My niece moved out at the beginning of her sophomore year and was back with her mom by the beginning of her junior year. It's rough out there!  Let him have this little bit of independence and try to enjoy some time to yourself...I guarantee it won't last. :-)

shamroc374
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 7:30 PM
The only thing I am paying for is college, his cell phone, and his car insurance. The rest is up to him. Luckily he isn't signing a year lease. It is a month to month lease, but he has to give 3 months before they can move out. He had several other friends that wanted to move in with the roommate so I am sure he could get out sooner if he needed to. I tried not to be too upset to his face about him moving. He knew I would be sad and he waited until the last minute to tell me. I have a 9 year old at home so I won't have empty nest syndrome to bad. A lot of changes have occurred in the past year. My husband moved out in November, and I recently changed careers. My house just feels like it is to big now for just me and my youngest son and it makes it feel lonely. I know he is a little sad to be moving. He kept hugging me and his brother, and telling us he would miss us and see us tomorrow. I know it won't be much different than it already is since he is hardly home when I am awake already. He was always at school, work, or with friends. I'm just so sad because my baby is growing up. Hopefully he will be back soon. I am just going to make my younger son promise to never leave. Lol.


Quoting Niccalyn:

He will be back.  Within a year, maybe by Spring--If you don't help him out too much with his expenses, that is.  My niece moved out at the beginning of her sophomore year and was back with her mom by the beginning of her junior year. It's rough out there!  Let him have this little bit of independence and try to enjoy some time to yourself...I guarantee it won't last. :-)


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02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 28, 2013 at 7:31 PM

 he will learn how hard it is and be back when he can't afford to do the things he wants

shamroc374
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 7:34 PM
I hope so. I just wanted him to have it easy and not have to deal with all the adult stress. I feel like I wasn't finished teaching him how to be an adult and do adult things. He has never even paid a bill before. He thinks he is ready because I have made him work since he was 16 and his friends didn't have to work. He only worked 8 hours a week, and I have him money for everything he needed. He will hopefully miss buying what he wants and being able to go do things and decide to come back home. My youngest is already trying to turn his room into a game room. Lol


Quoting 02nana07:

 he will learn how hard it is and be back when he can't afford to do the things he wants


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1kidmomajm
by Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:40 PM

What he is doing isnt much different than if he went away to college. Just ask him to  check in with you couple times a week. Offer him quiet time to study if he needs it at your house. I can say all this but I know I will be in tears when my son leaves for college someday!  Let him know he can come back anytime and talk to him about not going crazy with a credit card on his own!!!!!

shamroc374
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM
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He was originally going to go away to college. Since I am a single mom now I couldn't afford to support 2 households and we decided that it would be easier on him and me financially if he stayed home. I told him today that if I knew he was going to move out anyways he should have went away to school because the original school is cheaper. However I know I would be even sadder if he was 3 hours away instead of 10 minutes.
I have told him he can come here whenever he needs quite to study, reliable Internet, or just a break from his friend. I don't know how well this living situation will work out because he gets annoyed with his friends if he spends to much time with them, or if they are not respecting his stuff and make a mess at my house. He actually stopped being friends with a guy he had been friends with since elementary school because he felt his friend disrespected me by going into my cabinets for food and not picking up his mess.
I will worry about him and I have asked him to check in with me often. He has only been gone 2 hours and he has already texted me 4 times. I think he is a little sad too.


Quoting 1kidmomajm:

What he is doing isnt much different than if he went away to college. Just ask him to  check in with you couple times a week. Offer him quiet time to study if he needs it at your house. I can say all this but I know I will be in tears when my son leaves for college someday!  Let him know he can come back anytime and talk to him about not going crazy with a credit card on his own!!!!!


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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:27 PM
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He's growing up, this is what is supposed to happen. I get the sadness, I really do, but instead of hoping that he comes home. Help him be successful at what he is doing now. If your door is always open to him, he will always feel he has that as back-up. Mine were told that once they moved, they moved and would not be welcome to move back home (of course sometimes bad things happen, and that would be reevaluated), they knew once they moved. That was it. Maybe have a talk with him.

sabrtooth1
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:48 PM
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Quoting shamroc374:. He has never even paid a bill before. He thinks he is ready because I have made him work since he was 16 and his friends didn't have to work. He only worked 8 hours a week, and I have him money for everything he needed.

You have not done your son any service.  And NO you have not taught him how to be an adult, but from what you are saying, that wasn't going to happen any time soon, anyway.  He undoubtedly will be back, because 8 hours a week will not pay his rent and utilities.  

You need to let him grow up.  You need to stop using him as a replacment for your husband.  You need to get a life of your own. 

shamroc374
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:51 PM
I really don't want him to fail. I want him to succeed and I will be very proud of him when he does. I just wanted him to enjoy being young and in college without extra stress. He will have the rest of his life to be an adult and deal with all the stress of being an adult and I don't want him to regret not enjoying the carefree time he could have had. I know he has a good head on his shoulders and I understand him wanting his freedom. I am getting better as the night goes on and I am sure I feel more at ease once I see his home and how it is set up, or I might be even more scared once I see it. Lol


Quoting luckysevenwow:

He's growing up, this is what is supposed to happen. I get the sadness, I really do, but instead of hoping that he comes home. Help him be successful at what he is doing now. If your door is always open to him, he will always feel he has that as back-up. Mine were told that once they moved, they moved and would not be welcome to move back home (of course sometimes bad things happen, and that would be reevaluated), they knew once they moved. That was it. Maybe have a talk with him.


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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 11:15 PM

It does get easier, and then you start to enjoy it. It does take time. My favorite part was helping them get things for their place, well my DD anyways. My son just kinda said hey I'm moving out, found an apt with my girlfriend, packed his stuff and left. So I didn't help him. My DD and her boyfriend took their time, and didn't just leave so her I helped. Both are doing good though, it's a new kind of proud to see them doing it on their own....and still enjoying their youth.

Quoting shamroc374:

I really don't want him to fail. I want him to succeed and I will be very proud of him when he does. I just wanted him to enjoy being young and in college without extra stress. He will have the rest of his life to be an adult and deal with all the stress of being an adult and I don't want him to regret not enjoying the carefree time he could have had. I know he has a good head on his shoulders and I understand him wanting his freedom. I am getting better as the night goes on and I am sure I feel more at ease once I see his home and how it is set up, or I might be even more scared once I see it. Lol


Quoting luckysevenwow:

He's growing up, this is what is supposed to happen. I get the sadness, I really do, but instead of hoping that he comes home. Help him be successful at what he is doing now. If your door is always open to him, he will always feel he has that as back-up. Mine were told that once they moved, they moved and would not be welcome to move back home (of course sometimes bad things happen, and that would be reevaluated), they knew once they moved. That was it. Maybe have a talk with him.



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