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Someday you will have to pay your way. Seriously!

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 4:43 AM
  • 17 Replies

Time to pay your way.

Time to pay your way.

Here’s a conversation I had with my twenty-one year old Senior in college, about how, as soon as he got a job, now or very soon, he could start paying me back the money I put out for him this past year.

Lets back up to the begining of his Junior year. I told him that he needed to get a job. Seriously!

He is a Senior now; still no job and will soon be cut off if no job is had.

Seriously!

I said, “You get a job and I will still help you. If you don’t, then I don’t care if you graduate from college or not. If you don’t care enough about a job to help pay your way then I don’t care enough to pay your way. You give a shit and I will give a shit. Seriously!

He said to me. “When I was growing up you never told me I would someday have to (You pick the last part of this sentence, it is all the same)–pay my own way—support myself—be cut off from your money.. Seriously!?!

Now in all seriousness, my son was joking. But behind the joke was the truth. When he was growing up, I think I did forget to say those very words to him.

We teach our children all sorts of important things to help them grow up, but a really good thing to say to your child, actually many times over, would be these very words:

“Juma, someday you will have to support yourself.”

A bit too vague. Too much room for the imagination.

“Juma, someday when you get older, you will have to support yourself.”

Still a bit loose. Be a bit more visual.

“Juma, someday when you are 16 years old you will have to do something to earn some money. Then when you are 18 you will need to be a bit more serious and earn all of your money for anything that is not food, a roof over your head, health and school related. Then when you are 21 you will have to pay for your roof over your head, food and everything else except school and your health. Then when you graduate you will have to pay for everything that you require in life.

Seriously.”

I think that covers things.

gypsychant-mothering instincts-parenting with holistic valueskissing dad

by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 4:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mizkriz73
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 4:48 AM
My kids know this. My oldest has graduated hs and now has a job and is getting a second job. He is starting college in the spring. He was unable to start in the fall due to some family issues. He helps us and pays rent and helps with food and household supplies. My other two are still in hs and they are also getting jobs. My kids understand that I will cut them off and they know they have to care for themseves.
Txlisa7969
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:52 AM

My kids too already know this.  My ODD is working very hard to be one of the top in her class so she can get as many scholarships as possible.  She wants to get a Masters degree in her chosen field and knows it's going to be expensive.  I will help them as much as I possibly can but honestly there is no way I would be able to pay for their college education.  Something I noticed when I went to college those students that had to pay their own way or the majority of it at least took their classes and education much more seriously.  Not to say all students with parents that are able to pay for it are all slackers but I did see those students were more apt to blow off classes and think about partying more.

disastermind
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:55 AM

I tell my oldest son all the time that if he wants something, he needs to work for it. Nothing in life is free.

02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 30, 2013 at 10:18 AM

 Mine were taught that from a young age

Wills_Wifey
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 10:24 AM
My ds knows this very well already. He gets an allowance so he buy the things he wants now (and he does chores for his allowance). He also knows that in order for him to get a cell phone one day he will need a job. The rule in our house is if you can't pay for your own phone bill and phone you don't get one. We have talks with about this stuff all the time. He is only 12 but he does know that nothing (material wise) comes free in life. Even our 5 year old has chores. Of course she thinks they are a fun way to help mommy right now but eventually she'll understand why she has chores.
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 31, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Mine have always understood that.   Life itself teaches that, even if parents don't.   A child knows that someday he will be an adult.....adults support themselves.   Seriously.  :)




SAMI_JO
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:32 AM

 I totally agree with you. Mom is not going to be around forever. He needs to learn some responsibility. If you have supported him his entire life up to being a senior in college. The least he can do is pay his way.

jojo_star
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:36 AM
I don't want my kids to work until they absolutely have to. My oldest is 17, he doesn't have a job. That doesn't mean he's not responsible, doesn't know how to use money, or understand that he will, after he has a college degree, support himself, or that he doesn't have a good work ethic, etc. He just has a very busy school/extra curricular schedule, and he (and our other three) don't need to work, so unless they want to, they won't have to. We will also pay for their college without expecting them to repay it. Of course, if they don't put in the effort and stay in school, we won't. That won't be a problem though.
mumsy2three
by Shauna on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:47 AM

My kids know this. My dd has been working since she was 16 and using her money for some of her things. She graduated from high school in 2012, took a year off and worked full time. During that time she paid us rent , her phone and her car payment. She just started taking college classes, she is going full time and is still working part time. She pays for her phone and her car payment now. She knows that her student loans are hers to pay when she graduates from college, it's part of the reason she chose to start at our local community college. My husband and I paid for her books to keep loan amount down. Our boys are in elementary school and they have been learning basic money skills (saving for something they really want vs. spending all of  their money every week). I think it's very important to teach these skills from a very early age. I also don't think you necessarily need to explain that yes some day you are on your own, that to me is pretty much implied through out life.

mamavalor
by Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:49 AM

Hubby and I have told our kids this since they were very young.  It was part of the "money doesn't grow on trees so you can't have everything you want" talk. 

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