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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Teen Dating Drama

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 5:19 PM
  • 16 Replies

I have a 16 year old DD. Her best friend is dating a boy that used to be my daughter's bully. A little background on that: in middle school, she and this boy, we will call him J, rode the same bus because he lives downt he street from us. My daughter is overweight and he would make fun of her, call her mean names. I found out because another girl on the bus told her mom about what was happening, and the girl's mom was so appalled that she came to tell me about it. My daughter and my husband went over and talked with J, and his parents, and I was very proud that she went to confront her bully and after that, he left her alone.

Fast forward two years. Now J decided to ask my daughter's BF to be his girlfriend. My daughter told her BF what had happened, but that it was a long time ago and if the BF really liked them then my daughter was OK with it. But she also warned the BF what kind of person J is. Needless to say, the relationship between my daughter's BF and J is filled with drama: they always fight and break up, J is extremely jealous and possessive, and when the BF comes crying to my daughter, she takes her BF's side and J will call my daughter a b**** or flick her off. I didn't know all this until today.

Last night my daughter, the BF, and their male friend wanted to go for sno cones. The BF asked for permission from J (can you believe that?!) but he said no, and when they went anyway J broke up with her. The BF is crying, J freaks out and is repeatedly calling the male friend's phone and the BF's phone, leaving nasty messages, and also sending nasty texts. My daughter decides to answer the phone to tell J to back off. This set him off.

Today my daughter shows me a FB msg from J telling her "b**** stay the f*** out of our relationship i know we can get past this". I am appalled and pissed. Where does this boy get off thinking he can talk to my daughter, or any girl, that way? Why haven't his parents raised him to have some respect for women? And what is worse is that J's father is in law enforecement. And this boy goes around treating girls this way. Smh. This boy is already abusive in the fact that he is possessive and jealous, and I'm scared he will escalate to physical abuse, and I don't want that to happen to my daughter's friend or any other girl.

My first instinct: Talk to his parents. But my daughter is begging me not to because she thinks it will make the situation worse. Should I go with my instinct? Or respect what my daughter wants?

by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 5:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Monsita
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 6:04 PM

hugs...talk to his parents!!!!!

PurpleHazey
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I stay out of that drama

moobahlalala
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 7:08 PM
It couldn't hurt to say something to his parents, but I wouldn't expect much of an outcome. I'd talk to my Dd and depending on the relationship you have with her, you could talk to the bf and her parents as well.
atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 31, 2013 at 7:31 PM
Stay out of the teen drama.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 31, 2013 at 8:49 PM

 I think your daughter should stay out of it she warned her friend and that is all she can do.

bizzeemom2717
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 3:02 AM
This....

Quoting PurpleHazey:

I stay out of that drama

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SAMI_JO
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:18 AM
2 moms liked this

 Go with your instinct. You never know, it could save a girl's life one day (if he straightens up). Explain to your daughter that the way he is treating her BF is domestic violence, even if he don't hit her (yet, but he will), and his dad needs to know that his son is breaking the law. He sounds like a very volitile young man, I should know, I am raising one myself. But I have enough love for his future, that when he gets aggressive with me, I call his Juvenile officer.

Please go to my profile and read about "Middle school, and high school". Let your daughter read it also. Then maybe she will understand, why you have to do what you have to do.

newstepmom61811
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:33 AM

These aren't women with fully developed brains capable of making the best decisions. They are truly still girls and need guidance as to how to assert their power in relationships and leave abusive men. 16 year old girls don't know yet their self-esteem and right to be loved well and without drama or pain...As an adult if you want to take a stand I do think as a powerful woman you have that right if you choose to set that example for your little lady...I would ABSOLUTELY prepare for fallout. I would prepare your daughter for fallout and prepare her that sometimes doing the right thing does hurt, for a time. I would NOT waste time with the boys home...his parents obviously have raised him this way...at worst it will be ugly, at best you will be given lip service and your child will be a target...I would separate your child from him...get onto her Facebook and block every conceivable mode he can contact her...talk to counselor s at school and tell them your concerns about physical risks and make it their business to keep him away from her. Make it her responsibility to keep away from him and instigate nothing further. Then I would talk to your daughter's best friends parents...most teen girls who are being abused, the family never knows...they need to know, in my opinion...and they also gave you the chance to protect yours. She will HATE the meddling, again, there will be fallout, at a minimum you will save her self esteem and save per possibly from an abuser...she WILL fight it, but she will also know, many give a damn about her...at the most, you may save her life...many young men sit in jail for killing their young dating partners..

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:55 AM

I stay out  of teen drama. Yes I will support my dd and discuss a situation with her but I try to give her support and/or advice that will empower her to stand up for herself or make decisions that she thinks is right in what ever the situation may be.

mamavalor
by Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 8:55 AM

Any kind of dating will lead to drama of some sort.  Best to not date until she is older and ready for a real relationship. 

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