I have a 16 year old DD. Her best friend is dating a boy that used to be my daughter's bully. A little background on that: in middle school, she and this boy, we will call him J, rode the same bus because he lives downt he street from us. My daughter is overweight and he would make fun of her, call her mean names. I found out because another girl on the bus told her mom about what was happening, and the girl's mom was so appalled that she came to tell me about it. My daughter and my husband went over and talked with J, and his parents, and I was very proud that she went to confront her bully and after that, he left her alone.
Fast forward two years. Now J decided to ask my daughter's BF to be his girlfriend. My daughter told her BF what had happened, but that it was a long time ago and if the BF really liked them then my daughter was OK with it. But she also warned the BF what kind of person J is. Needless to say, the relationship between my daughter's BF and J is filled with drama: they always fight and break up, J is extremely jealous and possessive, and when the BF comes crying to my daughter, she takes her BF's side and J will call my daughter a b**** or flick her off. I didn't know all this until today.
Last night my daughter, the BF, and their male friend wanted to go for sno cones. The BF asked for permission from J (can you believe that?!) but he said no, and when they went anyway J broke up with her. The BF is crying, J freaks out and is repeatedly calling the male friend's phone and the BF's phone, leaving nasty messages, and also sending nasty texts. My daughter decides to answer the phone to tell J to back off. This set him off.
Today my daughter shows me a FB msg from J telling her "b**** stay the f*** out of our relationship i know we can get past this". I am appalled and pissed. Where does this boy get off thinking he can talk to my daughter, or any girl, that way? Why haven't his parents raised him to have some respect for women? And what is worse is that J's father is in law enforecement. And this boy goes around treating girls this way. Smh. This boy is already abusive in the fact that he is possessive and jealous, and I'm scared he will escalate to physical abuse, and I don't want that to happen to my daughter's friend or any other girl.
My first instinct: Talk to his parents. But my daughter is begging me not to because she thinks it will make the situation worse. Should I go with my instinct? Or respect what my daughter wants?