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Teenage heart ache- how to help him cope

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:24 PM
  • 10 Replies

Ds is 17. GF will be 17 in a month (actually a month from tomorrow). They have known each other since they were 4 years old. Have been best friends since then too. They dated back when they were freshmen. Now they are seniors. GF's dad may be getting a job in another state. Which means after graduation the family will be moving. GF's younger sister asked how DS was taking it. GF said every time she mentions it DS shuts down & doesn't want to talk about it (sounds like me!). GF's dad will be moving right away if he gets the job. GF's mom (who is our church's youth leader) has invited DS to go along with them to visit throughout the school year (which I am totally fine with). 

I know this is going to be hard on both of them. And I know they will keep in touch. I just want to be prepared on how to help him cope if it does happen.

by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:31 PM

Just be there to listen and give hugs.

DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:31 PM
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All you can do is be an open source of support for him. You cannot change the situation. Unfortunately, as seniors, they will have to face a lot of their friends moving off in different directions. It is a part of life. If their friendship is as strong as you believe, no amount of distance can take that away from them. Explain to him that with today's technology, he and his friend can still see and talk to each other everyday, if they like. They can Skype on the computer. They can call and email. Her parents have obviously extended the invitation to have your son visit and that means they will have multiple opportunities to see each other again. Perhaps they could go to the same college. 

Nothing will ease the pain entirely but with all of the means of communication today, they should be able to maintain their friendship if it is as strong as they believe. In the meantime, all you can do is be there for him and let him know you care. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:28 PM

Just be there and point out that senior year is to be enjoyed because life changes for most after graduation.    Many go away to college, join the military, etc.    It is life.    He has the opportunity to prepare for this.   He can earn and save money for visits.




bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Sep. 5, 2013 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, it would be a shame if this really clouded his senior year.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Just be there and point out that senior year is to be enjoyed because life changes for most after graduation.    Many go away to college, join the military, etc.    It is life.    He has the opportunity to prepare for this.   He can earn and save money for visits.

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dutchcanadain
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 12:31 AM

oh it will be hard on  them but they will grow from it as well all you can do is listen let them cry being friends since 4 yrs old ,most people don't have friendship like this ,ask take lots of pic's before the big day ,ask that they spend together .when move does come just be there for him tear or two will fall but lol but all funny things they have done it will hurt but there many new friends they find ,but true friends never die but grow 

Carmel63
by Bronze Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 8:32 AM

I had to read this a few times just to make sure I understood the timing.  This move will take place after graduation.  I would expect even if her father was not transferring their post graduation plans would send them in different directions. If he girl is looking at public universities, she is actually better off remaining in your current state, because she will not qualify for in-state tuition in her father's new state.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 5, 2013 at 8:47 AM
I agree. Kids seem too invested in relationships these days that are bound not to last. He needs to enjoy his senior year. My girls have moved a lot. Skype and facebook and such keep people in touch. Can say, told me dd things change anyway. My dd saw her friends at home way less than I anticipated after a year of college. My dd 22 speaks to zero friends from hs now. Whether you want it to or not, life goes on.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree, it would be a shame if this really clouded his senior year.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Just be there and point out that senior year is to be enjoyed because life changes for most after graduation.    Many go away to college, join the military, etc.    It is life.    He has the opportunity to prepare for this.   He can earn and save money for visits.



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drfink
by Emily on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:34 PM

 yes

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree, it would be a shame if this really clouded his senior year.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Just be there and point out that senior year is to be enjoyed because life changes for most after graduation.    Many go away to college, join the military, etc.    It is life.    He has the opportunity to prepare for this.   He can earn and save money for visits.

 

JackandJayne
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 12:28 AM

Well I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to have casual chit chats either. Hopefully he'll cool down soon. You're obviously already there for him, so now the best thing you can do is share your heartbreaks from the past with him. Let him know this is a growing pain, and in time it WILL stop. But sharing in his pain and understanding will be the best thing for him. The last thing you want is for him to feel this pain is 'different' or that people don't understand. If he's gonna wallow, why not join him. : )

THEN you can take him away somewhere and figure out a way to get him to mingle. Get him to see that life goes on and we will meet new people. When you're young, the sea of life seems so small and we don't yet really grasp the whole 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing. They're in such a rush to find someone now (I was too). This is why I encourage 'casual' dating to all teens rather than serious relationships.

hendimom3
by New Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:19 PM

That totally sucks... Just be there for him. I remember my break ups.. My parents put up with so much of my drama.. But they dragged me to "family" outings.. I hated them.. Not really, eventually I smiled and was able to deal with the break ups.. Family and friends are really important during any crisis especially a breakup.. I wish ur family and hers the best. And who knows maybe they end up at the right time right place later on in life. Fate has a way of throwing us a curve.

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