Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

grandma is a tad put out by this.... ugh

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 4:52 PM
  • 10 Replies

Both my mom and her bff's first grand-daughters are freshmen in college.  

My daughter is very out going, has had some earned leniency from us over the years, has traveled a bit, and is thrilled to be going to a large out of state university.

My mom's bff's grand-daughter is the oldest of 10, was home schooled, no tv, social life was her family and church, was "sheltered", and is 2 hours away at a small college.

My mom's bff constantly gets calls to chat from her granddaughter and the granddaughter is thrilled to have her come down for lunch.  My mom texted my daughter and asked for a date and my daughter told her she was available the first weekend in Oct.  My mom was a tad upset with this.  I think my mom thought my daughter should just stop her life and cater to my mom's timing.  The two girls are worlds apart in who they are.... there is no way they will act the same.  My mom also has been telling me how much she wants to get the girls together to meet since their schools are only an hour apart.  My daughter would be polite.... but this isnt something she would EVER want to do.  My mom drives me batty some days.


thanks for letting me vent,

by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 4:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anna92464
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

:)......Bless your heart.....I'm a homeschooling mom.....I hate it when people compare children like that.  Your daughter sounds lovely, and I pray that grandma learns to look at her blessing instead of trying to change her own grandaughter into an ideal that she has created in her head (I am certain the other girl has flaws). 

sahlady
by Gold Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 5:06 PM

I have no issues at all with homeschooling..... if done correctly.  I know there are MANY opportunities for home schooled children to socialize.  I didnt mean it that way... I really didnt.

But the fact is this girl is very uncomfortable being on her own.... and my daughter is not.  

My mom has always wanted things in her life to be different.  She wanted a particular life but didnt set it up that way, and gets frustrated with others because of it.  She actually wanted me to get married in her tiny town in the middle of no where, that I have never lived in, simply because that is where SHE lives.  ?????  All her friends kids got married in that town because they LIVED there.  I swear to you it has been 20 years and if it comes up she still gets teary eyed.  She drives me batty!

Quoting Anna92464:

:)......Bless your heart.....I'm a homeschooling mom.....I hate it when people compare children like that.  Your daughter sounds lovely, and I pray that grandma learns to look at her blessing instead of trying to change her own grandaughter into an ideal that she has created in her head (I am certain the other girl has flaws). 


Anna92464
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this


Oh, I didn't take it that way.  Sorry if I came across as being defensive about homeschooling.  It's just that our extended family have done the same thing, wanting to remake my kids to be more like other kids...that's all I meant.  It was supposed to be supportive and empathetic, lol. 

Quoting sahlady:

I have no issues at all with homeschooling..... if done correctly.  I know there are MANY opportunities for home schooled children to socialize.  I didnt mean it that way... what I mean is this girl's parents chose to raise the kids this way to shelter them from the influences of society.  So here she is totally naive going out into the world... I dont think that is fair to a child.  They have to learn what is out there and learn how to deal with the good in society and the bad.  

Homeschooling can be wonderful and the norm is NOT that they are sheltered from the world.... but in this case this girl is.

Quoting Anna92464:

:)......Bless your heart.....I'm a homeschooling mom.....I hate it when people compare children like that.  Your daughter sounds lovely, and I pray that grandma learns to look at her blessing instead of trying to change her own grandaughter into an ideal that she has created in her head (I am certain the other girl has flaws). 




sahlady
by Gold Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 5:10 PM
1 mom liked this

lol... and I changed my responce.... to give more insight.

Quoting Anna92464:


Oh, I didn't take it that way.  Sorry if I came across as being defensive about homeschooling.  It's just that our extended family have done the same thing, wanting to remake my kids to be more like other kids...that's all I meant.  It was supposed to be supportive and empathetic, lol.  

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 6, 2013 at 6:02 PM

If it isn't one thing, its my mother!    I feel for you (and your DD).   My Mom drives me batty at times, too.   I love her to pieces, I do....and I do a lot for her.   I seem to be with her as often as I'm with my kids.    She wants and expects my sons to drop everything when Grandma calls and go running.  She just can't understand that they have lives, and she is NOT their top priority.   




drfink
by Emily on Sep. 6, 2013 at 6:53 PM

 yup ,yup ,yup...we think my mom saw way to many episodes of The Big Valley and sees her self as Barbra Stanwyck. My nephew has been married two years this month ,he married when he was 24 ,graduated from college ,employed , and all the rest.My mom is still heartbroken because he did not come to her ,take her out ,get her advice if this woman was the best choice for his wife and ask for her permission and blessings.My 28 y.o.son  got engaged this summer ...we are thrilled ....after he and his now fiancee stayed here for Mothers Day weekend ,they went to her parents for Fathers Day ,he did ask what we REALLY thought of her.But uh no asking our permission ....my mom has now focused on her being broken hearted about my son now LOL my sis is VERY happy she is now the 'GOOD' daughter   hahaha

 

Nemo-nut
by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 1:50 PM

My friends still don't understand why I would let my daughter get a couple piercings and color her hair (frequently - by herself) so I totally get that the girls are opposite ends of the spectrum...everyone needs to be encouraged and celebrated for who they are and your mom needs ot stop comparing things with her bff..everyone's lives are totally different and the paths they walk are different as well.  I think it is awesome that your daughter is "on her own" and comfortable, but it is great that the other girl likes to spend a lot of time with grandma, and maybe doesn't have as much of a social life - both things are "normal" whatever that is!  You probably will just have to put up with your mom's griping though ;)

alik1983
by Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 11:09 PM

I totally hear you about your mom driving you batty - mine does, too.  But, I'm lucky - when it come to my daughter, my mom is awesome!  Of course she says, "Don't yell at her," when my girl deserves it, but I think she's forgotten the scoldings we got when we were kids.  LOL!  My mom is very considerate over mine and my 16-year-old daughter's busy shedule with school and sports.  We see my mom every weekend; she doesn't drive so I take her shopping and have dinner with her; but, my daughter also calls grandma during her breaks at school to check up on her and just to say hi.  Maybe that's something your daughter could do, too, to help your mom feel a little less . . . neglected.  Please don't get me wrong, I know that's not what you or your daughter do, but I think (in your mom's head) she feels neglected compared to her friend.  If not calling her (I can only imagine the length of time she may keep her on the phone) have your daughter mail grandma a nice card once in a while to let her know she's thinking of her.  That'll probably help - your mom can "brag" to her bff and show her the card, no?  :)  Hang in there . . . HUGS!

sahlady
by Gold Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 11:12 PM

I hate when people post and then add more details... but based on this response that is what Im going to do.  So I apologize in advance.  My initial post was simply to say they were vastly different girls with one not dealing well being away from home and the other being ready and fine for this stage of life... hence the differences.

But since you bring up being "neglected"..... my mother chose to move away from me when I was 17.  She put her tail between her legs and ran home.  Expecting me to follow.  But I was not from that spec of a town and had done nothing wrong that would cause me to run from the life I knew.  7 years later when I got married she threw a childish tantrum that I wasnt getting married in her home town (where I never lived a day in my life) because girls were supposed to get married in a place that their "family" was from.  She was pissed her friends couldnt attend my wedding.  They were invited... they were too cheap to travel. She was invited EVERY year to come visit me and my husband and my children but SHE told me she couldnt.  WHY.... because it was "her" vacation and she wanted to travel.  Well what her small town husband considered traveling (going a town over).  SIX weeks paid vacation but heaven forbid they visit their grandchild.  My daughter was the first.  HOWEVER, every almost every year since I was SEVENTEEN I have gone to see her.  ( we wont even bring up the amount of cash that was when I had a family of FIVE).  She was/is heart broken that my kids are more comfortable with hubs parents.... who made the effort to see them EVERY year.

Soooooooooooooo as for as MY daughter making her feel neglected.... I say you reap what you sow.

Again... sorry about adding info late... but I have SUCH ISSUE with the idea that MY daughter is neglecting her.  If it was sooooo important that she have a tight relationship with her grand kids she should have started 18 years ago and not started in when it was logistically convenient for her. I know the divorce was hard... but she was the grown up at that time... but never acted it.  

I WAS the adult....  I GAVE my kids a stable wonderful loving solid home to live in and didnt f up their foundation and then run off to some spot on a map because "my feelings were hurt" and I couldnt deal with reality... and I had to tuck my tail and run... .... so it is not my nor my child's responsibility to make her feel all warm and cuddly now.  If she didnt have the balls to hang in there when it counted then that is on HER.... not on US.  

I raised a soild young lady who had the personality to venture out and make something of her life... she is polite and will visit with grandma but she isnt going to kowtow to her whims every time she feels she needs validation.  

Quoting alik1983:

 Maybe that's something your daughter could do, too, to help your mom feel a little less . . . neglected.  Please don't get me wrong, I know that's not what you or your daughter do, but I think (in your mom's head) she feels neglected compared to her friend. 

WOW.... sorry... guess you hit a nerve with me.  Oops!

atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:05 AM
Your Mom is the one with issues!


Quoting sahlady:

I hate when people post and then add more details... but based on this response that is what Im going to do.  So I apologize in advance.  My initial post was simply to say they were vastly different girls with one not dealing well being away from home and the other being ready and fine for this stage of life... hence the differences.

But since you bring up being "neglected"..... my mother chose to move away from me when I was 17.  She put her tail between her legs and ran home.  Expecting me to follow.  But I was not from that spec of a town and had done nothing wrong that would cause me to run from the life I knew.  7 years later when I got married she threw a childish tantrum that I wasnt getting married in her home town (where I never lived a day in my life) because girls were supposed to get married in a place that their "family" was from.  She was pissed her friends couldnt attend my wedding.  They were invited... they were too cheap to travel. She was invited EVERY year to come visit me and my husband and my children but SHE told me she couldnt.  WHY.... because it was "her" vacation and she wanted to travel.  Well what her small town husband considered traveling (going a town over).  SIX weeks paid vacation but heaven forbid they visit their grandchild.  My daughter was the first.  HOWEVER, every almost every year since I was SEVENTEEN I have gone to see her.  ( we wont even bring up the amount of cash that was when I had a family of FIVE).  She was/is heart broken that my kids are more comfortable with hubs parents.... who made the effort to see them EVERY year.

Soooooooooooooo as for as MY daughter making her feel neglected.... I say you reap what you sow.

Again... sorry about adding info late... but I have SUCH ISSUE with the idea that MY daughter is neglecting her.  If it was sooooo important that she have a tight relationship with her grand kids she should have started 18 years ago and not started in when it was logistically convenient for her. I know the divorce was hard... but she was the grown up at that time... but never acted it.  

I WAS the adult....  I GAVE my kids a stable wonderful loving solid home to live in and didnt f up their foundation and then run off to some spot on a map because "my feelings were hurt" and I couldnt deal with reality... and I had to tuck my tail and run... .... so it is not my nor my child's responsibility to make her feel all warm and cuddly now.  If she didnt have the balls to hang in there when it counted then that is on HER.... not on US.  

I raised a soild young lady who had the personality to venture out and make something of her life... she is polite and will visit with grandma but she isnt going to kowtow to her whims every time she feels she needs validation.  

Quoting alik1983:

 Maybe that's something your daughter could do, too, to help your mom feel a little less . . . neglected.  Please don't get me wrong, I know that's not what you or your daughter do, but I think (in your mom's head) she feels neglected compared to her friend. 

WOW.... sorry... guess you hit a nerve with me.  Oops!


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)