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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

The decision falls to me to end his life

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 11:11 PM
  • 19 Replies

Not about teens but i needed to get his out.  My father left when i was 8.  I found him again at 19 but after many failed attempts at a relationship with him i kinda gave up. He really didnt want anything to do with me.  My mother passed away 2 years ago and they were never divorced.  Well Now he is dying and my cousin found me on FB and gave me the news.  I went to see him and he's unconcious hooked up to machines.  He's in liver failure and his kidneys have stopped working and its just getting worse. My aunt his sister, has been making all the decisions for him.  The dr's suggested signing a DNR so that he can pass.  Apparently the doctors will not let her sign the paper and it falls on me.  So the father that i never got to know I now have to go in and sign a paper that will let him die.  UGGGGGGGG

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 11:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DesertFlower197
by Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 11:42 PM

How old is he? How old are you?

Something equally difficult and similar happened to me with a father I had not known or spoken to, or had been supported by since the age of two. I contacted him at 18, only verbally, then had to write him off.  Then again after 9/11...( he is in NY) I looked him up at age 31.  We maintained a phone relationship where I only "tolerated" the calls.  Then, they ended. A few weeks passed and I called NYPD to do a welfare check. They said your such n such's daughter?  He had been found dead two days prior, unknown for weeks.  
I had to claim...no, I didn't HAVE to...but I claimed his body and arranged for services, for a man I never knew and had no memory of.

I cried. Cried for the loss of what could have been. But I dd the right thing.

Hugs...
Msgme
by Bronze Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 11:45 PM


He is 62 i believe and i'm 38.  I'm getting messaged on fb from step siblings, cousins aunts etc... They dont all agree on what is best to do.  They are not exactly being civil about eachother either. 

Quoting DesertFlower197:


How old is he? How old are you?

Something equally difficult and similar happened to me with a father I had not known or spoken to, or had been supported by since the age of two. I contacted him at 18, only verbally, then had to write him off.  Then again after 9/11...( he is in NY) I looked him up at age 31.  We maintained a phone relationship where I only "tolerated" the calls.  Then, they ended. A few weeks passed and I called NYPD to do a welfare check. They said your such n such's daughter?  He had been found dead two days prior, unknown for weeks.  
I had to claim...no, I didn't HAVE to...but I claimed his body and arranged for services, for a man I never knew and had no memory of.

I cried. Cried for the loss of what could have been. But I dd the right thing.

Hugs...



luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:32 AM
Make the decision then move on, at least you can make it off the facts and not all of the squabbling.

Sorry to hear this though, it's a heavy burden to carry. :(
sahlady
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:28 PM

 Im sooooooo sorry.  I can not even imagine the mix of emotions you must be going through.

Jessy76
by Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I know this may soundcold but personally I would refuse to have any involvement. I have little to no contact with my bio-dad or sperm donor as I usually call him. His name is like the F word in my house it just isn't used. About the only thing I would be willing to do is sign a paper saying I want absolutely nothing to do with any of it and HIS family can do as they please.

I am sorry you are being put in this situation. Good luck on what ever choice you make. Don't let them bully you into something you are not 100% comfortable with.

FindersKeepers
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:43 PM

In the US these decisions are delegated in a specific order.    Spouse, Kids, Parents, Siblings.  

Assuming you do not have any other siblings and his parents are not alive, then since you have not had any relations with him I don't think you should make the decision.   I would contact a paralegal and have the paper work quickly filed to waive your right and give it to your aunt.    If she was close to him, it would be the best thing.  

If that is not allowed, I would insist that she also be able to sign the paperwork with you.   That way if, in the future, there are family issues she would have made the decision also.   (Note, that her signature will not necessarily have any legal validity, but families do it all the time to show support and a united choice.)

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 5:31 PM

I am so sorry.  ((Hugs)) and prayers!

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Sep. 10, 2013 at 7:17 PM
I am so sorry you are being put in this position. (((Hugs))) to you.
1kidmomajm
by Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:44 PM

Well, you dont have to, but if it were me, I would sign them. Or you could write a statement signing your rights away to making this decision. Tough situation, but maybe its best for him.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:40 PM

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  It is a terrible situation to be in.   If it were me, I would probably go with the decision of  his closest family member. 




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