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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Disapprove of friend who always wants to drive around

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:56 PM
  • 12 Replies

My 16 yo DD has a great group of friends, however, because she is at a parochial HS, they all live in different directions. There is a girl who she went to middle school with that lives close by. They were never that tight but I think because she is close by, we are seeing more of her. The problem with her is that she will look you right in the eye and lie. When you call her on it, she will just make up another lie.

The problem has gotten worse this summer because she got her drivers license and is always calling my DD to go out and do things. Her parents gave her a car and there is very little supervision. We have told my DD in the past that her friend is welcome here but since there are rarely parents at her house, she cannot go there.

The driving has brought a whole new dimension to this relationship. Usually, we tell her that we are uncomfortable with her friend driving because she is such a new driver. One time they said they were going to the movies and apparently decided they would go out for frozen yogurt instead. This is very typical of her friend, saying one thing and doing another.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do anymore. Are we doing the right things? Should we give her more freedom with this girl even though we know she lies all the time about what they are doing? Everytime thisgirl calls, it turns into a huge fight.

UPDATE:

Our concern has more to do with our DD hanging out with this girl who is a chronic liar. The driving thing has just made it more difficult since before, the rule was my DD could not go to her house, they had to come here and so her friend really never came over.

Another example of her lying...on the 4th of July she wanted to go to the parade, hang out at the festival grounds, and stay for the fireworks. The only concern we had was that her friend was a brand new driver and it would be late at night when they would be leaving the fireworks with all the crowds and people who had been drinking all day. She told us that her parents were meeting them there for the fireworks and they would then drive them home. Of course, when we phoned her parents, they had no idea that they were supposed to go to the fireworks.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
drfink
by Emily on Sep. 11, 2013 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this

 First I'm just going to say unless there was some reason that you wouldn't approve of the frozen yogurt place and your daughter knew this it could have been just a change of plans.Teens get new ideas all the time. For us as long as the change of plans are benign it doesn't bother me.I do expect to get a quick call or text telling me the new plans.If I don't like them I will call back and say so.Most of the times the changes are benign.There have been a couple of times having had four teens I was suspicious...I asked for a pix of them w/ background sent immediately.So far so good other than some kind of irritated teens.

atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 11, 2013 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think getting frozen yogurt instead of the movies is bad. Why does she have to tell parents every single move as long as it is ok and not bad. Before cell phones parents had no ideo and didn't expect to know every single move of their kids. You need to trust your daughter to do the right things. Teens change their mind all the time and as long as they are at decent places why doez it matter where they are?
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suesues
by Silver Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 7:20 AM

just keep tabs on her have her text you from time to time and i would drive by if it were close to home just to check up once and awhile. Until she lies to you (and you catch her)  you have to trust her.

lucky3x
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:05 AM

I have no problem with the yogurt place, it's the constant lying that the friend does to get my daughter to go places with her.

PurpleHazey
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:17 AM

You are the parent so put your foot down

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:52 AM

 I think she was using the yogurt place as an example, not that she had something against it.

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:55 AM

I hear you, my dd is 14, almost 15 & we are having problems with her friend who won't even be 15 till the end of October wanting to haul kids around in her car.  Going back & forth to sports practices we allow since it's only a few blocks, but not on the highway. It's so scary as you want to trust your kid but then there are other kids that you don't know and if you give an inch they will take a mile. Our state is very layed back in the law when it comes to driving and at 14 if they have had their permit for 6 months they can drive as many kids around as they have SEATBELTS.  Well, teens will push it to the limit & with the distraction of several girls in a car we won't allow it.  It's bad when the law won't keep your kids safe, then it is totally on the parents to do it & lets face it a lot of parents don't care.  They just like the freedom of having their kids being able to drive back & forth to school & sports. etc. Ya, they think they have the world by the tail & the world is their oyster!!My dd has told me that this girl has driven someone to their home which she isn't suppose to do that. She is to just go from school to home, no stops at homes.  She has taken some to HER home which is fine if its ok with the parents I guess but she has made comments to my dd abt when they have time inbetween she could come to her house & we have told  her no , for right now at least. There has been laughing talk abt NO COP, NO STOP. That the drivers ed teacher told them to go by that. I think it's hard to believe that a instructor would say that...so it's not good that her friends are thinking this is ok!

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:53 PM

Trust your DD until she gives you reason not to.    At age 16, she should be responsible enough to tell you the truth and confident enough tell her friend No.    Make it clear that if her friend ever drives her to a place she is not comfortable with or that you disapprove of she should text you immediately and you will come to get her.




Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 2:30 PM

I guess I'd want to know what kinds of lies the girl is telling?  For example, is she telling your daughter they are going to a friend's house to watch movies, but then taking her instead to a party at a friend's house where the parents are not at home?  Or is it more like the example you gave--a last minute change of plans, from one venue (movies) to another (yogurt shop)?  I think if she is deliberately lying to get your daughter to do things that are against your rules then you definitely need to put severe limitations on their comings and goings together; but if it is more like the kind of stuff you mentioned in your post, and your daughter is keeping you apprised of her wherabouts, I wouldn't worry too much.  As the other posters have mentioned, teens change their plans from one minute to the next, so as long as they aren't doing anything inappropriate/illegal, I would cut them a little slack.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Sep. 13, 2013 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Excellent advise, also OP unless this is something that happens all the time it could be as simple as they changed their minds and decided to get yougurt instead of watching a movie.  

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Trust your DD until she gives you reason not to.    At age 16, she should be responsible enough to tell you the truth and confident enough tell her friend No.    Make it clear that if her friend ever drives her to a place she is not comfortable with or that you disapprove of she should text you immediately and you will come to get her.


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