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Need advice on soon to be 14yo DD (sorry if this is long) ETA

Posted by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:13 PM
  • 12 Replies

Soon to be 14yo DD has this phone that I bought & I pay for the minutes on, so I take the phone every once in awhile & read through things. Well the other day my 12yo DD was home sick (I couldn't call off due to being short staffed) so I told ODD to leave her phone so YDD had a way of calling my parents if needed (they live 10 mins away from me). 

While reading through the phone I see KiK messages about a boy at school. Apparently he has asked DD for pics. When I asked DD what kind of pics (knowing full well what kind) & she says "They're just pics mom". So I said "If he wants a pic of you he can take his phone out & snap one there at school" & she says "I know". So again I look through the phone & see that she told this boy she needed to be in a relationship first. WHAT?! I mean on one hand "Darn tootin'" but on the other hand "NO!". 

Then I find her journal on her phone. It comfirmed pics of her in her undies. Then it turned to birthday suit pics. I also found out that this boy was pissed at her for not giving him the pics & because he is mad at her he blocked her from this KiK app (which BTW I deleted her app). DD mentioned to her friend that she didn't have the boy's phone number (which is true from looking through her phone).

So I emailed the principal of her school because I figured this was all happening at school (because she said she didn't have his number) & just wondered if there was anything she could suggest or even do? She emailed me back saying she would contact the boy's parents & have a conference with them about it. She is also blocking that particular app from the school internet access.

Other than talking to my DD & taking her phone what else can I do? I feel like if I don't do something she will end up on 16 & Pregnant! I did ask my 17yo DS to talk to her. He is pretty much the male head of household here (their dad & I divorced over a year ago & the kids barely see him). And I know he has some influence on DD. He is very active in our church youth group & might be able to get her to understand God's love is greater than any man can ever give her. I just am at a loss with her!


ETA Thank you so much for all your advice ladies! I really appreciate it! I am going to have a heart to heart with her about it. And I am setting up her parental controls now. 

by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:39 PM
Take the phone away. Put passwords on computers at home. Talk to his parents too.
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CampClan
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 8:56 PM

I have taken the phone away. She is not allowed on the computer unless it's for homework. But since she does get home before me I think I will put a password on it & only let my 17yo DS have it (I can trust him). I guess any homework that requires internet will have to wait until I get home.

I don't know this boy (she's in 8th grade & the school is HUGE). But the principal is going to talk to him & his parents.

Quoting atlmom2:

Take the phone away. Put passwords on computers at home. Talk to his parents too.


luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Have her research just has serious sending those kinda pics are. Her and the boy could end up registered sex offenders. It's not a joke, nor is it innocent. Id also call the police department and see if they would be willing to talk with her.
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:14 AM
1 mom liked this
...I'm suggesting counselling. She might be wanting male attention because her dad left? Has she normally been strong willed? Or is she more swayed under pressure? But yeah...counselling.
cjsix
by Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 2:19 AM
Sounds like so far you are doing a wonderful job given the situation. I am glad to hear how the principal responded.Definately put a password on it,alos make sure your son does not let her on while you are not home,just thought I mention that. I also think the idea of having a police officer speak with her and letting her know what can happen when pics like those are taken and sent....including how would she feel if she had given them to him and he had in turn shared them with a friend etc...and soon many people had and could see them? Hugs! ..
dutchcanadain
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 2:22 AM

wow at 14 does she know that pic could be all over the internet what she thinking sorry at 14 they don't think all they want is some to love what ever that means at that age ,this is hard age but now you need tell the danger what if and there is alot of what if here ,i would be scared shitless if any of my kids did this plus they would not be sitting long time ,taking phone way was good thing ,but to be on the computers she can do that at school ,so watch her like hawk ,she has earn her trust in you ,being mom is hard and don't give up mom

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:00 AM

You're responding PERFECTLY. The only thing I'd add is to show her examples of slut shaming cases from high schools (plenty of them online) and tell her this could be HER if she doesn't stop NOW.

CampClan
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 6:38 PM

I'm going to go back to the day she was born to answer your strong willed question. Okay, the day before actually. She was due Sept 22. The day before I had a prenatal & was told I was only dialated to 1cm & "see ya next week". Next morning at 4:30am I was in labor. After a call the to the doc it was decided I needed to go to the hospital immediately. Once I got there an ultrasound was done, she was breech. Ended up making aloop with her cord & going through the hole to make a knot. Anyway- she was born via emergency c-section. Not breathing correctly (still breathing as if in the womb) so they had to intibate her. She was put on a breathing machine, which she attempted to pull out. She had to be sedated in order for the docs to do their job & get her breathing the right way.

So to answer your question- she is normally strong willed. LOL And yes, a lot of things are possibly because of her dad leaving.

Quoting GleekingOut:

...I'm suggesting counselling. She might be wanting male attention because her dad left? Has she normally been strong willed? Or is she more swayed under pressure? But yeah...counselling.


jhelmke
by Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this

You should look up Dr Phil show on this . It is a eye opener.

Lilt111111
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 8:15 PM
First take the internet off the phone so she can't send pics or receive them. If it's a smart phone get her a talk and text with no camera. Then point out to her that there is nothing stopping this boy or any boy of sending her pics out to the whole school or putting them on the internet. (Just to make her scared enough to listen) then tell her all the self respect stuff and tell her you know there are girls at her school that all the boys laugh at because they're so easy, but the boys give them attention anyway then pass the girl on to their friend. Ask her if she wants to be one of those girls. What I mean is, she's at the know it all age and she won't listen to things like you deserve to be treated better and so on. Speak to her on her level... Her image and reputation. That's all she cares about right now. Make her rethink her actions through that, then take away the ability to do it easily by blocking the internet on her phone. If she has to go borrow a friend's phone to take a nude pic she will think about the consequences more.
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