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Don’t Raise a Creep: 5 Important Conversations to Have With Your Son

Posted by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:00 AM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this

Don’t Raise a Creep: 5 Important Conversations to Have With Your Son

by Adriana Velez

father and sonIn an open letter to parents of boys, writer and sex educator Carina Kolodny talks about all those cautionary conversations we're supposed to have with our daughters: Be careful how you dress, don't drink too much, protect yourself against creepy men. But then she asks, "Who are these 'creepy men' and where did they come from AND who in the hell raised them?" Oh -- that would be US! Creepy men start out as boys, and that means at least one parent somehow failed to teach their son not to be creepy. And so, Kolodny makes a very reasonable request: Talk with your sons about how they treat women and girls, all of them.

Okay, fair enough. But ... it's so awkward. What are you supposed to do? "Son, please pass the salt, and speaking of passing the salt, can we talk about sexual assault?" Awkward! Leave Dr. Seuss behind. Here are a few ways to start that "Don't Be a Creep" conversation with your son.

It's all about noticing the right opportunity and asking key questions. That way you can find out what your son already thinks before launching into a lecture that will make them roll their eyes and say, "I know, Mom/Dad!"

You’re watching TV and you see an ad with girls wearing skimpy clothes: How do you think the girls in that ad want to be treated by men? Would your friends treat girls dressed that way differently than girls dressed in long jeans? Why/why not?

You’re having a glass of wine with dinner: You know, I was raised not to get too drunk to behave responsibly, but I know not everyone else has been taught that. What would you do if a girl you know got so drunk she couldn’t move? Do you think drinking more than you meant to would ever excuse your behavior if you ended up doing something wrong?

You're listening to music in the car and the singer is boasting about his sexual conquests: Why is he so proud of having sex with so many women? What does that do for him? Can a grown man be cool/manly/awesome without having sex with a lot of women?

You hear someone use the word "slut" in any context: How come we rarely hear anyone call a guy a slut? Why are people uncomfortable with the idea of girls having sex with more than one guy?

You see or hear a news story about online sexual harassment: What do you think of girls who post sexy photos of themselves? Has anyone ever texted you a photo of a girl with her clothes off? (He'll probably say no ...) What would you think of that?

I confess, I haven't had any of these conversations with my own son -- yet. But I think I should, because if I don't, there's plenty of other people out there who will teach him to be a creep. And as a parent of a boy, I think it's my responsibility to help keep your daughters safe, too.

Have you ever had these kinds of conversations with your sons?

by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:57 PM

Of course we have had many discussions on proper behavior, how to treat a lady, etc.    Teaching proper manners and respect starts much younger than teen years.   My sons have also had wonderful role models.




drfink
by Emily on Sep. 14, 2013 at 12:45 AM


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Of course we have had many discussions on proper behavior, how to treat a lady, etc.    Teaching proper manners and respect starts much younger than teen years.   My sons have also had wonderful role models.

yup ,we also take advantage of them having a sister.I point out how they wouldn't want their sister to mistreated even if she got drunk etc....all girls deserve to be respected like they expect for their sister.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 14, 2013 at 6:41 PM


Quoting drfink:


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Of course we have had many discussions on proper behavior, how to treat a lady, etc.    Teaching proper manners and respect starts much younger than teen years.   My sons have also had wonderful role models.

yup ,we also take advantage of them having a sister.I point out how they wouldn't want their sister to mistreated even if she got drunk etc....all girls deserve to be respected like they expect for their sister.

So true! 




my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 7:10 PM

I use the sister thing as well.  He also has two cousins, girls the same age as him.  I ask how he would react if some guy treated them in less than respectful ways. 

Mrs_Nelson
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 7:31 PM
I have had these talks with my boys. They tend to avoid the badly behaved girls (ones who drink, take naked pics, fake pregnancies etc). Not because they want to bully them or make fun of them for acting out but because they respect themselves to much to waste their time. It makes me sad that they assume these girls would cheat but experience has shown them otherwise. I just keep telling them to wait because older girls have more restraint. Btw I have taughtmy boys that if they want to date a new girl they should dump the current gf first. It has never come up but if it ever did they know that it is way better to hurt them a little by dumping them then hurting then a lot by cheating.
Lilt111111
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 8:02 PM
My son is almost 19 and he has had all the same talks and teachings from me. He's a good boy and can see when others aren't because of the way he was raised.
PurpleHazey
by on Sep. 15, 2013 at 5:13 AM

Many many times! Did it work "who knows"

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Sep. 15, 2013 at 7:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Right now I'm trying to focus on the "don't hit your sister" and "Would you allow a guy to treat your sister like that?" (and have the answer not be "Yes she deserves it because she's a cranky pants!") more than general girls - but he's a sweetheart except when it comes to his elder sister so I'm not TOO concerned.

bizzeemom2717
by on Sep. 15, 2013 at 5:13 PM
I've had MANY conversations with my DS over the years. So far so good. He's 20 and a very polite kid.
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FindersKeepers
by on Sep. 15, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Thank you.... I am glad we are not the only ones with this issue.   DS is much nicer and more respectful to EVERYONE except his sister. 


Quoting GleekingOut:

Right now I'm trying to focus on the "don't hit your sister" and "Would you allow a guy to treat your sister like that?" (and have the answer not be "Yes she deserves it because she's a cranky pants!") more than general girls - but he's a sweetheart except when it comes to his elder sister so I'm not TOO concerned.


 

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