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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My daughter and marriage

Posted by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 2:38 PM
  • 17 Replies

My daughter is 16 (junior).  She got a new boyfriend with the new school year.  They went out to celebrate their 1 month anniversary this past weekend~~~sooooo, as you can see it is a very new relationship.  The boyfriend is a sophomore.  He's a great kid and seems very respectful. We have seen on Facebook as well as heard small comments that have slipped out that he is totally in love with my daughter and seems to have the idea that they will be married and he will be taking care of my daughter forever.  My husband and I have just looked at that as cute and thought "oh they are so funny. They have no idea what love is after a few weeks of dating.)  But it has been very cute.

He friended both my husband and I on Facebook and everything I see looks good EXCEPT his music.  I have noticed that on that side bar where it tells you what people commented on, likes, looked at, or listened to he keeps listiening to a lot of music on Spotify.  That is no big deal because it looks like a lot of the kids listend to Spotify a lot.  Anyway, last night I got the idea to just YouTube some of the songs I see he is listening to and I DO NOT LIKE HIS SONGS.  I don't care that it is not my style of music, what I care about is the cursing and talk of what should be humiliating talk of women in the music.

After I heard the music he was listening to last night, I decided to take a look at my daughters cell phone (texts and such.)  My daughter is very aware that we will do this from time to time.  Anyway, I didn't see anything bad but I did see how much more in depth each of them went with their "I love you's" and I also saw their some of their plans for their future family plans.  They are already planning for their marriage right after high school and how many kids they want, etc. 

They are talking about their guidelines for their relationship and marriage and really heavy into it all.

I know it's all crazy and we really do like the boy.  How do we go about slowing things down and bringing them back to reality?

by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 2:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 2:47 PM
3 moms liked this

This boy's taste in music doesn't necessarily define him as a person. As an example, my husband LOVES West Coast Gangsta Rap but it in no way represents him or his lifestyle. He simply likes it.

As for the talk of the future, teenagers do this. Respect their privacy. If you try to slow things down, it will more than likely do the opposite. Let their relationship take its course. Chances are one of them will slow it down on their own.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 2:47 PM
3 moms liked this

Calm down, it fairly normal. It's new and love is always at it's best when it first starts out. She's probably writing her name on paper with his last name, you know for practice, that way when they are married she will have it down pat. This is NORMAL, and who knows maybe they will be that very small percentage that marry as high school sweethearts...maybe not. You don't know the future anymore then they do.


As for the music...who cares as long as he's a good kid. You probably wouldn't like most of what is listened to in my house, but that doesn't mean we aren't good people, or respectful of the opposite sex. For many people, music is just music, not the beacon they guide their lives by.

atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 17, 2013 at 2:59 PM
3 moms liked this
Teens think that. Rarely does it work out. My 22 yo was going to marry her boyfriend when she was her senior year. Of course they broke up after she graduated. I would only fear teen sex and pregnancy. Not the music and all that other crap.
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bribren
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this

It's new love. I wouldn't worry teens fall in and out of love faster than a speeding bullet. The music he listens to shouldn't even matter. Is he a good kid, does he respect your daughter, that's what you need to worry about.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Sep. 17, 2013 at 5:17 PM
2 moms liked this

 They are young, kids talk about things like that, most importantly is that they are supervised so they are not actring on crazy hormonal impulses that may lead to a family. :) I also think it's VERY positive he friended you and your Hubby on FB, are you kidding, that's great! Who cares about his music? Look at his actions, they way he treats your DD, ect.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Ugh. I went through this with my daughter last year (she is also 16 and a junior now). I think all teen boys 'say' they like and listen to rap, although if you really get to know them, you'll find that what they list on their social networking sites as the music they like isn't necessarily the music they listen to.  My daughter's boyfriend was a closet country fan, LOL.  And sang along with the 70s and 80s music his parents played in the car.

Anyway, aside from his taste in music, I would just watch the relationship carefully. My daughter's boyfriend was also very nice and respectful and my husband and I liked him.  The two of them did all the things your daughter and her boyfriend are doing at that stage (he was learning to play her favorite songs on the guitar, they were naming their future children, and the 'I Love You's' were flying fast and furious), but it escalated VERY quickly and they moved way too fast.  He very suddenly changed his tune shortly after giving her an 'infinity bracelet' (among other things) for their 6 month anniversary.  Within a week he went from totally in love to breaking up with her. She went into a tailspin she is still recovering from, and it happened almost 6 months ago.  So just keep reminding her that as strong as their feelings are now, she needs to be prepared for any and all the changes that may occur as they both mature into young adults.  Good luck, I hope it goes better for your daughter than it did for mine!

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 7:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Normal stuff. I saw myself married to every guy I dated in highschool and college.

Wound up marrying NONE of them!

stephs5isenough
by Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
1 mom liked this

He will very frequently strike up one of those messaging conversations you can do on Facebook with my husband to ask his permission to ask my daughter out on a particular date before he asks her.  He will tell my husband all the details and everything.  Either his parents or us are always with them.  When he's with us (usually to go to a game or something) they will only be gone from us long enough to walk to the concesion stand to buy snacks.

His parents are the 'always around' type too.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 They are young, kids talk about things like that, most importantly is that they are supervised so they are not actring on crazy hormonal impulses that may lead to a family. :) I also think it's VERY positive he friended you and your Hubby on FB, are you kidding, that's great! Who cares about his music? Look at his actions, they way he treats your DD, ect.



Just click my tag


cheetah90210
by Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Did you forget you were a teen before try and control her relationship things wont be good between the both of you . Some marry there first love some don't but let her experience life. We all been there.
stephs5isenough
by Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 8:02 PM
2 moms liked this

I appreciate everyones reply.  I am feeling a lot better.  I haven't listened to tnymore of his music (although hs is on and listening to music again right now~I don't know if it's the same ugly stuff or if that was just what he was listening to last night.)  But I'm not going to look at his music anymore because I am totally impressed with everything else about him at this point.

You all have helped calm me down about it a lot.  Thank You all.

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