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Anyone else have Homecoming drama?

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM
  • 20 Replies

My two oldest girls are a junior and a freshman this year.  My daughter has been planning since before school started to go with her 'group' of friends, including her best friend since 8th grade.  The best friend broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago, so she arranged to go to the dance with a guy friend so she wouldn't be dateless. My daughter didn't get asked to the dance, so she subsequently also asked a friend to be her date, mainly because at that point she realized there were 10 couples going  in her group and she would've been the only single.  So she thought it would be awkward if she didn't have a date. 

Yesterday the best friend texts my daughter to say she was invited to go with another group, she accepted and is ditching not only my daughter but the guy friend she was supposed to go with. Her text started with 'How much would you hate me if...'  The group she is going with happens to be organized by a boy my daughter had a falling out with over a year ago.  My daughter has tried to make overtures to rekindle the friendship but he is not interested.  So she knows she will not be invited to go with them; the best friend also knows this. 

It turns out that most of the couples that were originally going in my daughter's group are now going with this other group. (I think the boy who dislikes her may have done this on purpose; he is really a mean and vindictive kid.) She is heartbroken. She was doing her best to plan something fun for everyone, no one was really cooperating with her, and now they've all ditched her. She has one friend who has said she will still go with her, even if she is invited by the other group, so my daughter and her date do have at least one other couple to go with, but at this point she doesn't even want to go to the dance, since she says it is just a big 'grind fest' and she never really dances anyway because she is uncomfortable with that type of dancing. And it turns out the 'friend' she asked to be her date kinda sorta has a crush on her, so now she is uncomfortable being in such a small group with him and worried he might expect her to 'dance' with him.

The icing on the cake is that my freshman was asked in an adorable way (involving a poster and yellow roses) by the super-cute boy she had a crush on all last year, she is going in a group with 10 couples plus some singles, they've designed cute HC shirts, and the whole thing is completely planned down to the minute.  Homecoming has NEVER gone that smoothly for my older daughter...there has always been drama, drama, drama, but in the past she has gone with her close friends and had a good time.  That doesn't seem possible this year...she is very happy for her little sister, but the contrast tends to highlight her own rather bleak situation...

I'm encouraging her to go and try to have a good time anyway, not to ditch her date, and not to let the actions of these thoughtless kids affect her ability to have a good time.  But at the same time, I'm feeling like well, if she doesn't want to go, does she really have to? She would offer to go to the movies or do something else fun with her homecoming date, not ditch him completely (he has said he doesn't really care if they don't go to the dance).  She plans to go to the football game and participate in all the other spirit-related school activities leading up to the game.

It just sucks that what is supposed to be a fun High School experience can cause so much stress and heartbreak!

Have any of you experienced ladies with older teens gone through something similar?  How did you advise your kiddos and what ended up happening? Thanks!

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Tell your daughter its not a huge deal. It shouldnt be a popularity contest. She can go with a smaller group and have just as much fun.
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by Susie on Sep. 18, 2013 at 3:04 PM
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She needs to go and have fun. I stayed out of that hs drama as much as I could.
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by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 5:27 PM

 I woulod encourage her to go and have fun, these 4 years fly by! Ignore and stay out of the drama as much as possible.

by Emily on Sep. 18, 2013 at 6:05 PM

 I agree with the other pp.Her little group can go and have fun.Maybe plan a little something after.Around here after 8th grade middle school dances and high school 9th and 10th they all love to go to IHOP.Maybe it's IHOP because it is open all night .Maybe you could help plan something fun after the dance.

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 6:22 PM

I would encourage her to go and have fun. Don't let drama ruin her night.

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 8:25 PM
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She needs to go and have fun with her 'date'. She needs to see that she doesn't need this other person/group to have fun. The nights going to be what she makes of it. she can go and decide before it happens that it's going to suck or she can go and just enjoy the night for what it is.

by Kimberly on Sep. 18, 2013 at 8:46 PM

She should go and have fun.....  And she should avoid making plans with her 'best friend' in the future.   Obviously, that friend is fair weather at best.

by Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 4:15 AM

Hi Nicalyn,

I am sorry for the drama your daughter is going thrugh! I agree, she should go, and try to have fun!

I, too, am having homeocming drama as my freshman daughter was supposed to go to homecoming with her boyfriend of 8 months, and he dumped her today! So, not only is my DD upset that her boyfriend dumped her, but she is also upset that she is not going to HC. I told my DD she could still go with her friends, but she said she is too upset to go now. So, yes, there is a lot of HC drama going on in my house, too.

Good luck with your DD. I hope she will still attend HC and that she will have a great  time.


by Silver Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:31 AM

My DD refused to go. couldn't convince her at all. Honestly - it's not the biggest night of your life as some people proclaim it to be - 5 years on and she's absolutely fine that she didn't go.

by Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:35 AM
My dd is on homecoming court for the junior class so the only drama is my poor bank acct.. ;)
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