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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:22 PM
  • 20 Replies

My 17 year old daughter is in a psych hospital for cutting.  she is very depressed and has been for over a year. she had to drop out of school because of it. this is her 9 th time in the hospital. this time i told them I can't take her home unless she goes into a treatment center first. all she does is crawl up into a ball and cries that she wants to come home.  She refuses to go into treatment.  Besides being depressed she had to also overcome an eating disorder 6 years ago. I have been dealing with this for so many years.  i take her to all her doctor appointments and therapy appointments of which half of them she won't get up for because she doesn't want to.  I also have her grandmother and brother to take of . I have almost lost my job I don't know how many times and I'm the only income.  the doctors and the social worker at the hospital are hardly any help at all.  I don't know where to turn. Does anyone have any advice or experience in dealing with this sort of situation that you might share with me.  I'm so torn and confused.  Her father, my ex-husband doesn't want to deal with it.  It's too much for him and his wife.  His only solution is to move my daughter with his mother but she has dementia and a care nurse in the house.  I don't think that's a good idea?  Please help fellow moms!

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
iliveforglee11
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:14 PM

as a depression sufferrer myself, i do have to say, that i can understand your daughters perspective. Wantting to not be anywhere, but wanting to be home to be miserable. Being miserable in an unfamiliar place is never a good thing. its a devastating feeling being depressed and wanting to self harm. ive been there. Im sorry i dont have advice except, never give up on her.  Im sorry your dealing with this. Its gotta be hard. I cant imagine how my parents got through it with me. Its important to know the reason she is so depressed before you can try and get her the help she needs.

iliveforglee11
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:15 PM

i wish i could be of more help though

little.momma.D
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:17 PM
There is a depression support page here on CM.
Tell me what you and your Daughter have tried.
amonkeymom
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 2:08 PM

I agree, having your daughter live with her ill grandmother is not a good solution and I think it sucs that your ex won't have more to do with her treatment.

Since the hospital/doctors won't do much, have you considered transferring her treatment?  It does seem like maybe she needs some inpatient therapy and someone to talk to who can help her not only understand the consequences of her cutting, etc but who can help her get to the bottom of why she's experiencing these things.

(((hugs to you both)))


**Let it all out ANONYMOUSLY!**

drfink
by Emily on Sep. 26, 2013 at 2:28 PM

 Do you have health insurance ? More and more insurance companies are approving home visiting nurses that are trained in mental health issues.They are able to somewhat monitor meds ,keep an on going dialogue with the patient ,help with monitoring the patient and help them continue to move forward.

This is not some altruistic move on insurance companies part but a cost saving for them.People come out of residential care earlier and with monitoring some are able to avoid being hospitalized again.

This could be helpful for you.

Good luck.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:23 PM

 

Quoting drfink:

 Do you have health insurance ? More and more insurance companies are approving home visiting nurses that are trained in mental health issues.They are able to somewhat monitor meds ,keep an on going dialogue with the patient ,help with monitoring the patient and help them continue to move forward.

This is not some altruistic move on insurance companies part but a cost saving for them.People come out of residential care earlier and with monitoring some are able to avoid being hospitalized again.

This could be helpful for you.

Good luck.

 This sounds like good advice. im sorryI have no experience so sorery sounds like you are a great mom who is supoortive and doing all you can. Hugs

Khanfan
by Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 10:16 AM

My similar experience was with my mom.   Her whole life she wouldn't get help for her mental issues.  My dad finally sent her to live by my oldest sister. After 7 yrs of that my BIL said either mom goes or he goes, so mom moved by me. It took one month for mom to be put in a mental hospital. To this day she claims no memory of those 6 weeks in "treatment."  My DD was an infant at the time and my other two kids were teens, so I had all that to do plus my dh's heart condition showed up.

After 6 years working to get mom the right meds and a Dr. she would respond to, she stabbed me in the back and I had to cut her out of my life, but already I had been prescribed Prozac for my own problem. I have Multiple Sclerosis and mental health is effected by that disease.  So I inadvertently forced my other sister to take over for me.

So, that is what I went through.  Mom's Dr. told me mom is on 5 heavy meds.  I know about the lithium and resperdol, then she is Epileptic too.  If I was going to recommend any move for you to make, it would be let her dad do it his way.  It is NOT your fault.

I'm praying for God to lead you in this.

krlsmom
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:19 PM

Hi, 

First take a deep breath and let it out.  I'm in a very similar situation with my daughter, who is only 13.  We have been dealing with this for about three years and after many Dr's appt, counseling, meds I thought we were finally past this, until last night.  While helping her with something, I noticed some marks on her arm.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  I asked about it and of course she didnt want to talk about it.  The only thing I got her to say is that she did this a few days ago because she was sad.  I have been wracking my brain to see what I missed, what happened to prompt this.  I still dont know.  Depression runs in my family and I for one suffer from it, it can at times be dibilitating.  I go to counseling/therapy, take my meds, try to take care of myself which at times is very hard but I go on, and I feel better.  Unfortunately, my daughter also suffers from depression.  I dont know how/when or where she learned about cutting.  As time went on I learned that a few of her friends do the same thing.  Im told it "eases" their pain.  I try to do everything I can to keep things upbeat and calm at home but I have no control over outside issues.  For a while she would come talk to me if something was bothering her and we would work on it, then she started exercising when she had troubles.  Now Im at a loss as to how do I recognize when she is having problems.  What I do know is that I love her with every fiber of my being and no matter what and I will be there for her anytime she wants/needs me.  Her "father" lives in our area but doesnt have much interaction with her and I know that this is the core of a lot of her distress.  What I have learned during this is even though its our nature, I cant make it all better for her.  She has to do her part and that includes taking her meds as prescribed.  Dont give up if at first you dont find the right medicine or combo of meds, keep them going to counseling/therapy make sure they are eating well, let them know you love them unconditionally, be there for them and most importanlty and this was the hardest part, don't blame yourself.  Now, take another deep breath.... let it out and know your not alone.  I wish I could find some type of group they could go to where they could talk with others doing the same.  Maybe we should start something.  I'll keep you in my thoughts and send up some prayers that our kids will be ok.  Remember to take care of yourself too.

sharon6345
by Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 7:00 PM

I sure wish this was private because I would feel better sharing with you. I been in the hospital nine times myself. I know how hard I am to deal with and it put strain on all my loved ones. but,this is what I cna say to you. please don't send your daughter to live any where. your right and we understand it is hard for you. but,your her rock in this storm. you need to try and get her on medication that will help her until you get it right. that is what my doctor did. I am not perfect and I tired to kill myself last month over a deep depression over kicking my child out. but,you will need to be there for her. find out what is the root of her dark moments and go from there. what I can tell you is that no one but my doctor understand when I tell him a darkness comes over me and I can;t see anything helping me. when my boyfriend came one night he found me down in the lobby with no clothes on with a knife trying to slice my wrist. I had no idea where I was. once I ended up in the hosptital not knowing I tried to slice my wrist in front of someone. so you have your work to do. get to her darkest point. good luck. take her door off her room if you bring her back home and don;t put it back till she is stable for months. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 27, 2013 at 8:17 PM

I have no experience with this.    Best of luck to you both.   What an awful position to be in.




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