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Dumbfounded what to do?

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:04 AM
  • 11 Replies
I have a 17 yr old senior son, he gets ok grades, has As and Bs right now. He is active in sports, he has his drivers permit, I drive him everywhere, back and forth to practices all over the place, I work fulltime and have another child. My son is not appreciative at all, he does have scholarship for college but it won't pay in full, he has lied to us about some things so his phone was taken away but he uses a school issued iPad and can go to social media from it so doesn't bother him we took away phone. I told him today he needed to look for part time job and he blatantly told me No. I told him fine then I'm done driving you everywhere figure it out yourself how are you going to pay for school? He will just say I'll figure it out then. I don't know what to do, dad says he is done helping..... Suggestions ?
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:04 AM
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by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 3:16 AM

I think you should keep doing what your doing...don't pay for anything for him...he might not care about the phone b/c of the ipad but at least you can say you're not contributing to his behavior...

Good luck momma..

by New Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 5:36 AM
Change the wifi login password at home
by Silver Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 7:03 AM

Demand all his passwords and change them on him - change the Ipad settings so that social media is blocked.

by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 10:02 AM
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I think he's being a normal 17 year old teenager.

And honestly, it sounds like he's a good kid.  Why would you expect gratitude from a TEEN?  They're as self centered (most of the time) as a 2 year old!

Look at the big picture.  He's a year away from going off and not needing you.  Don't ruin the relationship NOW - it could have far reaching consequences. Long lasting ones.  What kind of relationship do you expect to have with him when he's an adult?  When he's married and has kids?

by Susie on Sep. 28, 2013 at 10:50 AM
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Quit doing anything for him. He will learn fast. Really you should have stopped long ago and the teen years would have been better.
Saying no to you about the part time job, then give him zero money. Nothing.
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by Emily on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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 He is being a decent kid.He makes good grades and has received a partial scholarship.His attitude just needs a little fine tuning.If you think he needs to work then don't fund his wants anymore.Try talking to him.I do a lot of reverse would you feel if you (teen) did blah blah and no one cared ?Sometimes  I have had it be real life if needed.

by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 12:14 PM

Clearly, taking stuff away isn't fazing him and so I am not sure that  taking more stuff away will all of a sudden work.  There really isn't a full picture here.  Did this all start from the lying event?  Have you had an open and honest relationship with him?  If so sit down and talk about what is working and isn't working.  

When you have a 17 year old  the 'discipline' becomes a lot trickier. Doing what worked when they were 13 probably won't be as effective.  I think you are seeing that.   So, I would start by having an adult conversation with him..going back to the lying and what you need/expect from him as a young man getting ready to go to college.  In terms of the not driving him anywhere because you are ( and rightly so) annoyed with the attitude, there is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel.   If you take the power struggle out of it he might be able to hear you. ( Threats like 'I am done with.....", sets up a 'we are against each other mode' and often, they don't really believe you anyway, you know?)

I often told my (now 19) older son, "The more I am taken for granted the less I feel like doing for you.." and there were times where I too refused to drive him but I always phrased it something like, " Oh, I am so sorry, I have plans today, taking you won't work for me.." I said it nice and it didn't take him long to realize that many of the trips back and forth I made in the past were indeed inconvenient for me. His tune changed very quickly. In terms of him getting a job why don't you find out what his feelings are about it.  The 'No' may have been a knee jerk reaction to the command...and we know teenagers aren't so fond of commands.  

He will be leaving soon and then until the grades come in he doesn't have to tell you one thing about his life...and the school won't communicate with you either.  It doesn't matter if he is failing a class or in the health clinic because he has strep.  Open those lines of communication and keep them open...and you will stay connected when he is away..  good luck.

by Silver Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:32 PM

Check in with the school about that iPad; school issues are supposed to NOT be able to access social media. Sounds like the machine got hacked.

You've done the right thing as far as being done driving and leaving paying for school in his court. Precisely what you're supposed to do. Now leave it. Don't change your mind.  Stand firm on this.

He's not a BAD kid, I should add. I'm really more concerned about that iPad.

by Kimberly on Sep. 29, 2013 at 6:29 PM

 Do not give him money.   Let him figure it out.    Make it very clear what you are willing to pay for and what you expect him to pay for.

by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 6:35 PM

I agree with dad.... Stop helping him. PERIOD.

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