Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

UPDATE: Could your kid ever be bad enough to be given to foster care?

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:18 AM
  • 34 Replies

 Could you ever voluntarily give your kid to foster care?  Knowing that the foster care system today is not the greatest, could you possibly give your kid up knowing that they would hate you and you wouldn't be able to see them until they turned 18, even if it is only for 6 months?

My son is well, let me think, prince and demon at the same time.  He has been checked by numerous counselors/psychologists, as well as hospitalized for mental illness and every time is given a clean bill of health with no mental problems.  Let's see, less than a week ago, he informed me that if he does not finish high school (through his own actions or getting kicked out at 18) he will kill himself (a usual threat which got him locked up more than once) but not before he inflicted "the most hurt you can ever imagine" on me.  "More than if I ripped off your arm" is what he said.  Then told me that when he does commit suicide it will be because *I* murdered him and that it would kill my youngest and I would be a murder of two people.  I was pretty pissed off listening to this crap. 

My youngest has a disease that stress causes incredible pain and she usually ends up in the hospital for it.  Right now, husband and son are occupying the basement (fully furnished) and husband is in charge of almost everything when it comes to him.  He saw me because he was outside and I went to get something from the shed.  The girls are isolated from him to minimize the stress.  The doctor is very upset about it all and contacted social services who asked if we wanted him placed in foster care. 

It seems a little extreme to me, but I'm wondering if there are others who would consider this an option for their families.  By the way, his latest outburst was not overheard by the girls who were on the opposite side of the house watching television so they didn't hear the outburst.

Update on page 3, post 30.  Lengthy but worth the read.

by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:18 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
PurpleHazey
by Angie on Oct. 7, 2013 at 5:13 AM

The whole system is broken, no I could never do that.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:07 AM
1 mom liked this

No. Not with how many stories I've heard of kids in the system being abused - both sexually and physically. No matter what my child did I couldn't live with myself if I stuck them in the system and they were abused. Although - I would apply for some respite care for your son - but that might just be a Australian thing.

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I would send him to boot camp.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:59 AM

Personally, No.     In your case, I would seriously consider it.   I still think boot camp or military school is a great idea.




fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Quoting atlmom2:

I would send him to boot camp.
Boot camps don't exist in VA anymore, trust me I've looked EVERYWHERE.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:33 AM
Quoting boys2men2soon:

Personally, No.     In your case, I would seriously consider it.   I still think boot camp or military school is a great idea.

I've called every military school in VA and none of them are what you would expect. None would take him due to his poor grades. They are ALL college prep. I found ONE residential Therapeutic camp in all of the state, but sadly I do not have the 60K they want to take him. They also require him to be there 12 months and he can't be older than 18 during it and turns 18 in May. It's really sad. I don't seem to be able to find any help for him.

HopesNDreams
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Your situation would be therapeutic foster care. Its a bit different. I would think that the first step would be a residential placement to stabilize and then slowly transition to therapeutic foster care. In your family's situation, this may be your safest and only option.

This is no reflection on you, your patenting, or your family. This is the sad reality of your child's mental illness and a system that does not have options to deal with it that do not involve removing custody from the parents. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Protect your other children!
HopesNDreams
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:42 AM
Have you contacted C&Y and enlisted their help? We did for my SD. They will know of programs that you may have no way of finding - and they will know how to get the state to fund them. C&Y is not just to report abuse. It is to get help for kids as well.

Quoting fantasticfour:

Quoting atlmom2:

I would send him to boot camp.


Boot camps don't exist in VA anymore, trust me I've looked EVERYWHERE.
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:47 AM


Quoting fantasticfour:

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Personally, No.     In your case, I would seriously consider it.   I still think boot camp or military school is a great idea.

I've called every military school in VA and none of them are what you would expect. None would take him due to his poor grades. They are ALL college prep. I found ONE residential Therapeutic camp in all of the state, but sadly I do not have the 60K they want to take him. They also require him to be there 12 months and he can't be older than 18 during it and turns 18 in May. It's really sad. I don't seem to be able to find any help for him.

I know you have tried.   It is sad, because none of the 'experts' seem to know how to help, either.   He needs a severe wake up call.....and maybe foster care for 6 months is the answer. 




woodswalker
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:49 AM

No.   If I cant handle my kid, what do I think foster care would do?  

But if your son is threatening suicide, cant you have him involuntarily committed? 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)