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UPDATE: Could your kid ever be bad enough to be given to foster care?

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 Could you ever voluntarily give your kid to foster care?  Knowing that the foster care system today is not the greatest, could you possibly give your kid up knowing that they would hate you and you wouldn't be able to see them until they turned 18, even if it is only for 6 months?

My son is well, let me think, prince and demon at the same time.  He has been checked by numerous counselors/psychologists, as well as hospitalized for mental illness and every time is given a clean bill of health with no mental problems.  Let's see, less than a week ago, he informed me that if he does not finish high school (through his own actions or getting kicked out at 18) he will kill himself (a usual threat which got him locked up more than once) but not before he inflicted "the most hurt you can ever imagine" on me.  "More than if I ripped off your arm" is what he said.  Then told me that when he does commit suicide it will be because *I* murdered him and that it would kill my youngest and I would be a murder of two people.  I was pretty pissed off listening to this crap. 

My youngest has a disease that stress causes incredible pain and she usually ends up in the hospital for it.  Right now, husband and son are occupying the basement (fully furnished) and husband is in charge of almost everything when it comes to him.  He saw me because he was outside and I went to get something from the shed.  The girls are isolated from him to minimize the stress.  The doctor is very upset about it all and contacted social services who asked if we wanted him placed in foster care. 

It seems a little extreme to me, but I'm wondering if there are others who would consider this an option for their families.  By the way, his latest outburst was not overheard by the girls who were on the opposite side of the house watching television so they didn't hear the outburst.

Update on page 3, post 30.  Lengthy but worth the read.

by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:18 AM
Replies (11-20):
02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:04 AM

 Since he keeps saying he is going to harm himself he needs in patient treatment somebody has dropped the ball on this one. 

I would be worried he would hurt another child in foster care so I can't say what I would do.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:58 PM

 He's been in inpatient treatment but they released him 5 days later with no problems!

Quoting 02nana07:

 Since he keeps saying he is going to harm himself he needs in patient treatment somebody has dropped the ball on this one. 

I would be worried he would hurt another child in foster care so I can't say what I would do.

 

drfink
by Emily on Oct. 7, 2013 at 2:13 PM

 Oh my heart so hurts for you.Actually for all of you including your son.There are clearly some issues that were in place before yall got custody of him.He needs some serious residential care with behavior mods included.Your family was failed when he was kicked after five days.

From my job earlier I have personally seen the horrid as well as the wonderful side of foster care so I just don't know.It's a gamble.

Now that he is making very specific threats to harm himself and others is it possible to have him held again ?Is there a way there could be a set up with a recording device ?Has your husband changed his thought process concerning his son ?What is going on at school ?

natural_s
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 4:00 PM

Nope as a child who was put in foster care and then later adopted and having the experience from both sides I could never do neither voluntarily to my kids because its not as good as people like to put on for the best interest of the child.

nicole.mazer
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:27 PM

A BIG FAT NO!!!! I never could. I love my daughters so much (they are 15 and 13) and even though we sometimes have fights, they always come and apologize and I love them to death.

Thorlin
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:56 PM

My daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder and makes most of my days a living hell. Yes I can understand putting a child into foster care because I acknowledge that I am not good enough and that maybe someone else is better then me and could help her but in reality no they can't. I do understand being at your wits end and wanting to quit I have felt like that many times

Having said that no I did not put her back into care. I have done involuntary hospitalizations and some respite though just to give me the strength to continue parenting her so she can fullfill some of her potential. We have PINS here in NY do you have something like that near you?

bizzeemom2717
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:31 PM

 I would have my husband move out and take turns living with him. No foster care is not going to improve this situation. What about a Grandparent?

Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:41 PM
I would not completely sacrifice my marriage nor allow him to be in a grandparent's home of whom he may have an even easier time of lashing out or physically over powering them.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 I would have my husband move out and take turns living with him. No foster care is not going to improve this situation. What about a Grandparent?


3mom627
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:59 PM

 Foster care is definitely not the place for him. My DH and I do foster care and you do not want to voluntarily place your son there considering all his issues. I would look into what we call placement. This is like foster care, but not in a family setting. It is like a very, very strict boarding school. One of our foster daughters was in there and the monitor everything you do. I don't know if you have to sign away your parental rights, but this is where I would place him. He would get his education, he would get counseling and be monitored. You could visit him, so you would not be completely cut off. He needs help. Let me know what your state allows you to do. I live in Pennsylvania so the laws may be different. My heart goes out to you.

3MOM627

have a nice day

bizzeemom2717
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:41 PM
I didn't mean sacrifice marriage, she said her husband is already living apart in the home and her son is close to 18. Have the husband move out temp until the son is stable enough to either move home or live independently. No way in hell would I put my already emotionally unstable child in a foster system with strangers..live apart from my Dh who loves my children as much as I do and deal with it as a couple? Yep I would make that sacrifice first you freaking bet

Quoting Momofmenagerie:

I would not completely sacrifice my marriage nor allow him to be in a grandparent's home of whom he may have an even easier time of lashing out or physically over powering them.




Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 I would have my husband move out and take turns living with him. No foster care is not going to improve this situation. What about a Grandparent?


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