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Are You Comfortable With Your Teen Being Sexually Active?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 1:06 PM
  • 26 Replies

Daniel Radcliffe Lost His Virginity at 16 But I Hope My Kids Don’t

by Jenny Erikson

I have sympathy for child stars that grow up in the spotlight. Even the ones that make it out ok still have to deal with a huge amount of public scrutiny during the most awkward time of their lives -- right down to speculation on their sex lives or lack thereof.

Even when they try to remain private about that aspect of their lives, something usually comes out. Like Daniel Radcliffe’s penchant for older women. Back in 2008, he admitted to losing his virginity to a much older woman. He said the age difference “wasn’t ridiculous,” but it “would freak some people out.”

And that’s when my mom brain kicks in and I ask myself, holy moly, what must his mother think?? Because I’m not so sure I’d be ok with my teenager broadcasting to the world that they’d lost their V-card to a potentially age-inappropriate partner.

Call me a prude, but I’m not sure I’d be ok with my teenager having sex at all.

I’m not in denial. I know that the average age for losing your virginity in the U.S. is right around 17 years. I know that “good kids” that make those purity pledges are probably just as likely to have sex as any other teenager. I know that someday, both of my daughters will have sex, whether it’s when I want (wedding night, anyone?) or on their own timing.

One thing I do want for my girls (hopefully on their wedding nights) when they do find that person to become completely physically intimate with, is that it’s someone they love with their whole hearts, and who loves them back.

Sure awkward first times make good cocktail party stories and sitcom plot lines, but I want something more for my girls. I don’t want them to feel like having sex for the first time is something to get out of the way, or even a rite of passage. I want them to treat it like it’s the most special, precious gift they could ever give to someone, and guard it accordingly.

I want them to understand their worth to the point where they don’t feel the need for sexual validation to feel like they matter.

That’s why it’s funny to me when Daniel Radcliffe makes waves by announcing that he lost his virginity to a much older woman. Because the part of the story I took away from that was -- he was only 16? Oyza.

Are you comfortable with your teen being sexually active? 

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 1:06 PM
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by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:37 PM

 Yes I was. We had many discussions before hand. We are very open. They were in committed relationships. Not just out screwing anyone they could. They understood that should the girl become pregnant, they would be manning up. They knew that what went on between them and her was not to be discussed with friends.They understood that if she ever said NO no matter how far they were if they didn't stop it could be considered rape. I really felt they understood the ins and outs of being sexually active.

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 6:13 PM

 I accepted it and although I didn't do the happy dance it wasn't a shock.  I do like her bf, they are both respectful, good students and very open and honest.  I do worry about one of them getting hurt if they ever break up but that's part of life. 

by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 6:17 PM
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no.  We had many discussions, we are very open, I respect most of her choices.... but I will/would NEVER be comfortable with my teen being sexually active.  I wasnt shocked... she requested bc.... but that doesnt make me happy about it.  

Actually I dont have 100% confirmation becasue I told her that her sex life is HER sex life.  I would always be here for her if she needed wanted to talk but that I fully expect her to keep her sex life private... that means that she doesnt chit chat about it to friends, other guys, or ME.

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 6:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I am.  Sex is a part of life, and to me, yes, as long as they're safe.  Mine all started being sexually active around 17-18, were/are on birth control.  Condoms always used.

by Susie on Oct. 8, 2013 at 6:42 PM
My oldest was 19. My youngest is 19 and a virgin with a boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I would not have been comfortable for mine to lose their virginity in hs. Thank goodness theh didn't.
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by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 7:36 PM

Yes I am. All 4 of mine have had open and frank discussions on sex and the consecenses from said activity. Nothing more telling than a friend of DD's who at 21 has a 4 1/2 yr and a 1 yr old. While DD has finished college and is pursuing her dreams her girlfriend in knee deep in toys and diapers while trying to get school done.

I never believed in hiding what is human nature and as long as they were in commited relationships and repected thier partners and what thier partners believed. Sex is part of life and as such should not be considered a taboo topic. 

All 4 were given the safe sex talk numerous times and when DD's girlfrind had number 1 at 16,we drilled into all thier heads do not hide a pregnacy like J did it can only lead to complcations and heartache for all involved.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Not with my dd who is almost 16 she isn't ready and knows it, however we talk quite a bit and so far have good communication on the subject. My DS was a senior in HS in a committed year plus long relationship and 3 years later is still dating the same girl. Was I happy about it? No. Comfortable discussing with them? Yes
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by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:44 AM

Hell no!

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this
No my son is 16 but we talk a lot about safe sex because I know he's active. I can't watch him 24/7 but I can protect him.
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by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this

The ones that still live at home, yes. The 20 year old off at college, well, that's his business.

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