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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Would this be okay with you?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:02 PM
  • 17 Replies

   So my husband and I found out that my sons girlfriend's aunt dropped her off at his college this past weekend! Of course we aren't supposed to know about it but saw something on facebook which confirmed it. We aren't happy with the gf to begin with-posted about this in the past, she is verbally abusive and controlling, that being said I don't think I would be comfortable with this whether we liked the girl or not. The gf has her whole family behind her trying to keep them together, would love to say to the aunt-so you wouldn't mind if I dropped your daughter off to her bf house for the weekend? Anyway I know that my son's room mate was away this past weekend, but he is in a suite and I also feel bad for the other suite mates because I'm sure she stayed there, unfortunately there are no rules preventing this at his college. And I know that anything and everything happens at college, but really do we need to promote it?! I'm not a prude, just have some morals that I thought I taught my son, but they went out the window when this girl came along (in my mind none of the adults in that family have any). The kicker is he is coming home for Fall break this weekend and she will want him at her house most of the time, pretending like they haven't seen each other since August, and the reality is my husband and I have not seen him since August and still won't get to spend much time with him because she will curse him out if he doesn't go over there! So would you be okay with someone dropping your kid's gf/bf off for the weekend?

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:23 PM
2 moms liked this

They're college age. Over 18. I'm really sorry but there's not much you can do about it - unless your paying for his entire LIFE at colleges. I would tell him that he either visits with us at least 75% of the time - or doesn't come at all if he's going to spend the entire time with her. If his college has no rules - then really you have no leg to stand on I'm afraid.

mt0130
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Well we basically are paying for everything at college, but don't think that is the point. And I don't intend on bringing up about her being there to visit, she visited with her mother last year and at least there was a hotel room that she and the mother supposedly stayed in, but this time the aunt just dropped her and went to visit relatives about an hour away for the weekend. I know that he is an adult and we can't govern what he does, just wanted to know if you would be okay with someone doing this.

Quoting GleekingOut:

They're college age. Over 18. I'm really sorry but there's not much you can do about it - unless your paying for his entire LIFE at colleges. I would tell him that he either visits with us at least 75% of the time - or doesn't come at all if he's going to spend the entire time with her. If his college has no rules - then really you have no leg to stand on I'm afraid.



GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:47 PM
My personal opinion is if it's not happening in my house I have no control over it.


Quoting mt0130:

Well we basically are paying for everything at college, but don't think that is the point. And I don't intend on bringing up about her being there to visit, she visited with her mother last year and at least there was a hotel room that she and the mother supposedly stayed in, but this time the aunt just dropped her and went to visit relatives about an hour away for the weekend. I know that he is an adult and we can't govern what he does, just wanted to know if you would be okay with someone doing this.


Quoting GleekingOut:

They're college age. Over 18. I'm really sorry but there's not much you can do about it - unless your paying for his entire LIFE at colleges. I would tell him that he either visits with us at least 75% of the time - or doesn't come at all if he's going to spend the entire time with her. If his college has no rules - then really you have no leg to stand on I'm afraid.





bexsmum
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry mum,not much you can do or say for that matter. He is away from home and an adult in eyes of the law and the eyes of the college. What happens outside your home is not for you to control,you can comment but I would think that would drive a larger wedge between you and he.  As for him coming home and not spending time with you,thats normal, 2 of my 4 went away and guess what when they came home I saw very little of them as they spent thier breaks catching up with friends they hadn't seen. This is all part of leaving the nestand growing up. They just don't see the need or have the want to spend all thier free time with mommy and daddy

AnnaMess
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Um I won't be dropping my girls off at nobodys for the weekend!! Call me old fashion but no! If it can happen to me it can happen to them is what I tell my girls and my stepson.

cheetah90210
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Their adults we have all been there inlove gotta let him live life and learn his own life lessons , as parents we know what it's like and want to prevent our child from making those type of mistakes but lessons in life like this is what builds us as adults with what you taught him and the mistakes hell make in collage/life will help mold him and give him lots of wisdom
givemeaboy
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:39 PM

Here is my thought on it. You can feel however you want about it. That is your right as the parent, but you can not change it. I was the person dating someone my family hated and still do. The more my parents fought me on it the deeper I got with him. And guess what! We all have the rest of our lives with him because he is the father of my first. I will say now my parents were right to feel that way but they handled it wrong. If they would have been less on my case and accepted it we would not be where we are now. I love my dd with all my heart and wouldn't change having her. Good luck and unfortunately I have to say learn to accept but not agree. He is an adult now after all.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:45 AM
2 moms liked this
They are adults. He needs to make decisions based on HIS moral standards at this point. It is common unfortunately, the first 2 years of college my DS lived in a suite and friends male and female spent the night. It's up to him now to make these kinds of decisions. Are his grades ok? Is he partying too much? You pay for his college so yes those 2 things IMO you have a right to insist certain standards. At this point he's an adult, hopefully you have talked about safe sex. His sex life is private.
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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:46 AM
Oh but in YOUR home I believe you have every right under your own roof to ask they do not sleep together over night before marriage or whatever boundary you chose
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02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 10, 2013 at 4:09 AM

 You don't get to decide and if you mention it you will be the bad guy to him so just bite your tongue there is nothing you can do.

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