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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Is this rebellion or is he just being a teen boy??

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:04 PM
  • 6 Replies

My 16 yr old SS, we have an ok good relationship. He is a bright kid but very agressive in pointing things we do wrong out and trying to make us feel stupid. Very lazy and has and excuse for everything, never taking blame for things he does wrong. Let me correct myself he does have a job so he is not that lazy.  I believe this is just a kid thing to do. Now getting to my point since I have given you a gist of him.

So we are constantly asking him to pick up his plates and rinse off his dishes. We let him off the hook in doing an everyday chore and let it go with one chore a week since we have been made aware his advanced classes are not just effecting him but effecting other kiddos in school. Well he has brought his C grade up to an A and B range ever since then. I try not to bring the things that were expected up of me when I was growing up to him cause my life and his life is totally different. I was brought up differently and I had to work for everything. I myself have to adjust to this cause I want to push and push my military upbringing on him and I know that I cant do that. I realize thats my life not his. But we have had multiple talks with him in helping us out or anything we ask him to do, all we get is an ehhhh...like he will do it on his time. Then it dont get done cause noone is nagging at him. Why for the life of me it takes nagging to get a child to do something is beyond me, if they dont want the nagging then why dont they just do what they ask is my oppinion and thats what I have told them mulitple times. His dad doesn't push him hard enough in doing things he is the type of dad that would get around nagging and being mean and just do it himself and get it out of the way and done. I am total opposite and say they need to be taught responsibility at some point. He uses an excuse for everything The biggest one is  I have a job and go to school I am tired, but then goes in his room and play for hours on his xbox. We told him that we would do his laundry to help out since he dont have time so to speak if he brings his homework home and does it, cause he was not bringing it home. He thinks doing it in front of us will make him look stupid. Weird idea but hey thats what he feels. So he started doing homework in his room and he closes door and everything so we dont see. We have told him it doesnt make us feel anything if he does in front of us or does not.  We don't know how else to get him to care enough to want to help out and carry his weight. We (DH and me who is the SM) can not do everything! We both work, his dad two jobs and little side jobs here and there, me I work like 4 jobs I have maybe one day off a month, all the working to help support them since we are not getting any CS. Anyone have any ideas??

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-6):
SugarrCane
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Last minute Christmas shopping today and pizza party tonight!
Today at 12:18 PM
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:32 PM
2 moms liked this

My kids need to be nagged to do everything.  Homework, brushing teeth, picking up, etc.  I think it is just part of being a kid.  It's annoying as heck though!  I wish for once they would just take care of their responsibilities without having to be told a million times!

JackandJayne
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah unfortunately teens just get pissed when hearing the "when I was a kid" speech so good that you've smothered that. If his grades are coming up, I think doing it alone in his room is fine. Even as an adult in college I couldn't do homework or study with outside noise. Does he know what chicks think of guys who sit around playing Xbox? He might want to investigate that lol. Not really a 'man' past time. He should pulling his weight if not more. I can understand laundry, but is he doing yard work or fixing things? Try to get some family time in. Dinners together, whatever you can do to make him a part of the family unit again, without turning it into a 'chore'.

I would straight up let him know that when he's on you about everything you're doing wrong, it's making you feel like crap. It's a two way street. If he has some thoughtful input, fine, but being on your a** isn't helping. Basically if he wants to be a man, he's gotta act like one. Who is his role model for being a man? Sounds like he's got a lot going on that you guys aren't seeing. He's pulling away from being a functioning member of the family. Let him know you miss him, and miss him helping out and that he's an asset to the family. 

Good luck!

vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

H is just being a teen but that isn't an excuse for not helping out.  If he is expected to do his own laundry then stop doing it for him.  It's not that hard to put a load in the washer then go back to his xbox game, pause the game, and throw it in the dryer.  He is still a part of the family and needs to behave as such.  Neither you are his dad are his servents.

mistyann00
by New Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:34 AM

Im Sorry I had to laugh at your reply...not cause it was crazy but because this boy does not care, plain and simple, we have made multiple attempts to engage him on things we do as a unit or just as father son bonding time. He would just rather play games. And I even talked to his father about keeping the internet off for a period of time but then it resorts to the tv. Do I take away the tv? I mean I don't know what I am to do here. His father is a great man and teaches right from wrong but even then ever since the divorce both parents go in one ear and out the other and its all about him. So I made a suggestion to when he needs something do not bite at helping him. To let him see that his actions are noticed by us and he don't get everything he wants when he needs it. He don't help unless his dad is highly upset and getting on his butt. Even then he shrugs it off and walks away and goes and reads a book and stays away from the family. The divorce disconnected him with everyone. Everyone else seems to be engaged and happy. Its just him, and I wont say this is all the time because at times he is all about being engaged and being happy and then other days its like he could care if the world burned down around him. IDK..

mistyann00
by New Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:36 AM

Well we started doing his laundry and he is to do one chore a week but getting that is fighting tooth and nail. But his grades did come up significantly. But not its as he has all this time and he chooses to spend on the game. Its like it became a positive but right back to a negative, so we are left to think NOW WHAT..

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this
This is sooo easy! You reset the password on the wi-fi and in order for him to access electronics then chores must he done.

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