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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Teens and grandparents

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 3:34 PM
  • 10 Replies

I need advice!!

My husband and I rent a house with my parents, right now it is what we have to do, due to both of our financial situations.  We live upstairs and my parents live downstairs. (It sounds bad, but they have a studio down there with their own bathroom, living room, and bedroom. I have two teenagers, DD is 16 and DS is 15.  The problem is that whenever my kids want something and my husband or I tell them no or not right now, they go to my mom and she gets it for them. We have talked with her about this before and she still does it. She uses the excuse that she is allowed to buy them presents. I hate it and it is teaching my kids that they don't have to listen to us.

Any advice would be helpful, but you can keep your negativity to yourself.

 

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 3:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JC2223
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 You're parents are right, as the grandparents they can do what they want. The problem is your children. They are playing your parents against you. Punish them when they do this behavior and they will learn not to do it. They are going behind your back, that's is betrayal. They are taking advantage of your parents, that's abuse. They are causing problems between you and your generous parents that are nice enough to help you out right now, that's manipulative. They are getting their way by disregarding your ruling as their parent, that's disrespectful and unacceptable...etc. Hold them accountable for their behaviors and actions, make them pay the consequences and they will learn many valuable life lessons to carry with them and use later on when their kids pull the same crap on them! :)

Coqui17
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 3:53 PM

 Thank you! I appreciate it!

p.s. We are actually helping each other out. We were both in apartments we couldn't afford and got the house together to save all of us money. smile mini


Quoting JC2223:

 You're parents are right, as the grandparents they can do what they want. The problem is your children. They are playing your parents against you. Punish them when they do this behavior and they will learn not to do it. They are going behind your back, that's is betrayal. They are taking advantage of your parents, that's abuse. They are causing problems between you and your generous parents that are nice enough to help you out right now, that's manipulative. They are getting their way by disregarding your ruling as their parent, that's disrespectful and unacceptable...etc. Hold them accountable for their behaviors and actions, make them pay the consequences and they will learn many valuable life lessons to carry with them and use later on when their kids pull the same crap on them! :)


 

gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this

 As a grandparent, it's kinda what we do. We love to do things for them.

wakymom
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 I think you need to sit down w/ both of your kids and your mom and have a talk. Yes, grandparents get to spoil their grandkids, but they do not get to undermine the parents. Remind your mom that when you tell your kids "No" to something, there is a reason for it. Make sure your kids know that when you tell them "No", they are not to go to Grandma to get it; if they do, it will be confiscated and they will be punished. Make sure you consistently discipline them for it, and they'll eventually get the message.

 

 

 

 

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd even consider heading things off at the pass. Talk to your folks about setting up a reward system that lets them buy these things when the kids have earned it through good grades and the like. That way you're not telling them, "Don't get it," but rather, "Let's have them earn it."

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:21 PM
This. Gotta set your girls straight.


Quoting gdiamante:

I'd even consider heading things off at the pass. Talk to your folks about setting up a reward system that lets them buy these things when the kids have earned it through good grades and the like. That way you're not telling them, "Don't get it," but rather, "Let's have them earn it."


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drfink
by Emily on Oct. 12, 2013 at 1:47 AM
1 mom liked this

good idea.

It is a lot like kids playing one parent against the other.Your parents would not have liked you to do this with them as a teen.Maybe you could explain it also in those terms.

Quoting atlmom2:

This. Gotta set your girls straight.


Quoting gdiamante:

I'd even consider heading things off at the pass. Talk to your folks about setting up a reward system that lets them buy these things when the kids have earned it through good grades and the like. That way you're not telling them, "Don't get it," but rather, "Let's have them earn it."



CorrinFig
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:14 AM
We have had the talk before about responsibility and about Grandma not being a bank. It is super frustrating. This time my son lost his phone for a week as punishment!
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 5:05 PM

What kinda thinhs are you talking about?

I tell my kids no to lots of things and then grandma buys it. I don't really care unless there is a very specific reason for me saying no, like "Sorry you can not have an Elephant cause there's no where to keep it." I mean could you imagine trying to house an elephant? Okay that was a joke, but you get what I mean lol

Sometimes I say no cause I don't have the money, if grandma wants to get it, more power to her, but I'm not. Sometimes I say no, well just because I can, again if grandma get's it, it's her money to do what she wants with.

I guess this just isn't a hill for me.

Coqui17
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 5:39 PM

In this instance, my son's shoes have been looking a bit ragged, although still usuable and serving their purpose. I have offered to buy him shoes with every check I get, but he wouldn't settle for less than a designer brand that usually runs about $100. Normally he does chores and saves his personal money to buy these shoes, with me contributing about $40, as that is what I give for my daughter's shoes. Well he didnt have his part of it, and I refused to put out that much for shoes. There are plenty of decent, brand name shoes, you can get for $40. Well, I get paid every other week, and he found a pair he wanted, within the $40 range. I explained that since he turned me down every time I offered, he would have to wait until I get paid to get the shoes. Apparently, he did not feel like waiting and went to my mother.

I know this sounds trivial, but I was trying to teach him a few lessons here.

1. That you don't need to have $100 shoes to be comfortable

2. You need to be patient when you want things that cost money, just because you have a debit card doesnt mean you have the money in the bank. My kids are approaching the age where they will need to understand money and credit, something my parents never taught me about, and nowadays you cannot get anything without credit. I feel this is an important lesson that they need to learn and by her buying whatever they want, I feel she is teaching them that if you cant afford it, someone else will get it for you.

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