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Advice Needed: I am a single mother of 2 teenage girls 15...

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:26 AM
  • 18 Replies

I am a single mother of 2 teenage girls 15 and 14 years old. My 15 year old is particularly difficult and truly always has been. I am killing myslef trying to provide a quality life for them. The 15 year old is in private school because I do not think she would survive public school. I am determined to get them to college but she is barley passing or not passing classes. Mostly because she will not turn in work. She is disrespectful. Every morning is a yelling match. I am at wits end trying to provide a good life for someone who is determined to runn a 1000 miles an hour until a brick wall. I am not someone who believes in grown folks living in my house at 18 she has to go to college the millitary or somewhere and I do not see here having life skills to do so. How do you save a child determined to be medicore or worse.

by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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You have to figure out what's causing her to behave that way. Why isn't she turning in work? How do you react when she's disrespectful, are there consequences?

GirlsMom1514
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:49 AM

I loose it.  I feel as though I ask two things - do your school work, and keep you room half way descent. Past that we can have a good life.  My household has gotten to be a "STRESS" zone.  Its like we are just avoding conversation because as she says all I am interested in is college. To a large degree she is right. I am interested in her being a sucess and self reliant. She has to be ready to depend on her self.  My reaction in all candor is terrible.  5 days a week as I drop her to school we are going to argue 4 about school.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 11, 2013 at 12:38 PM
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 You don't.  You cannot save her if she is not willing to save herself.  You said she won't survive public school?  Why not?  What's wrong with public school?  Personally, I would not be paying a butt load of money for her to go to a private school just so she can fail.  She's not going to make it to college that way anyways.  Time for her to buck up and start acting her age.  Yes she is going to be rebellous a little, but not like that.  Don't argue back to her, tell her once, if she doesn't listen then turn your back and keep on moving.  Explain that she doesn't bring her grades up, she's in public school because you're not spending your hard earned money to put her in an elite school she doesn't deserve.

GirlsMom1514
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:31 PM

I do not think she would survive because she is socially awkward.  She would not fit in. She has a very hard time being comfortable with new people.  She has always been this way all her life.  She is actually very smart, but no focus and her maturity level is below where it should be.  She is 15 in 10th grade. Will be 16 in December.  But all these social inadequaecies are not why cant not take rejmember not to take food upstairs or simply do homework. Her grades are all over the place. Because you will see rows of zero.  I have wanted her to be in a safe nuturing enviroment. But it does feel like I am pouring money down the drain.  She was to get 7 credits feshman year.  She got 5. She failed Bible (1 whole credit gone).  First semester of math (1/2 credit gone and P.E. because didnt dress out.) So now I have to pay for correspondance school to make up those credits. I am at a point where I resent her.  I get advice all over the place some people say she needs therapy others say nothing wrong with that girl she is different but extremely smart and she needs her tail beat.  All I know is Im at work now, I have got nothing done. I come to work toooooo many days upset because of my morning turmoil.  Luckily I have a job I can close my office door, and loose a day of productivity and make it up on another day. But trust I have had to pull it together after a fight on some VERY crucial days to my career. I am so tired and it is so unfair to my other kid who has to listen to it and to me.  I am at my wits end. I love my kid but I dont like her very much these days.  I think I resent paying tuition I really cant afford and it is creating financial hardship for you to succeed and then I feel like she is spitting in my face.  Its not just grades contstantly takes food upstairs even thought that is against rules, if let go somewhere wont be where supposed to be. If wake up, go back upstairs she sleep again.  Stress, stress, stress.  Its too the point I am just counting the days to her dearture. I almost want her to see how hard life could be.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 3:05 PM

I think I'd think seriously about putting her in public school.  She is wasting your money and her education by failing classes (sounds like intentionally), so if you took her out, you would at least have one less thing to be resentful about.  I know you think public school would be rough, but actually, you could be surprised.  One thing my girls love about their giant public high school is the VARIETY of people they meet.  EVERYONE can find SOMEONE they can relate to in a big school.  Sometimes private schools are the worst when it comes to cliques and making those 'socially awkward' people (espcially girls) feel like outcasts.  I'm not saying your daughter will go to public school and suddenly become super-popular, but she might just find a friend or two who 'get' her, and that might be all it takes for her to start to want to do better.  AND you won't be wasting your money!  It sounds like that money would be better spent on family and individual counseling.  Have you asked her, during a relatively calm period when you're not arguing/yelling, what SHE wants to do?  It's worth a shot...good luck!

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 11, 2013 at 3:37 PM
How long has she been this way? Not turning in work and being disrespectful? Counseling??? Mine knew not turning in work was not at option. It was no friends, phone tv, and computer. Also no car which they got at 17. They valued friends and a care so they behaved and turned in everything.
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wakymom
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:01 PM

 Has she ever been tested for any learning disabilities? ADHD? Asperger's or being on the autism spectrum at all? If she has always been this way, there may be some underlying issue you're not aware of.

 

 

 

 

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:02 PM


Quoting GirlsMom1514:

I do not think she would survive because she is socially awkward.  She would not fit in.

Private schools are NO BETTER than public schools for that. They can be even worse than public schools. In fact, maybe that has something to do with her current issues?

She has a very hard time being comfortable with new people.  She has always been this way all her life.  She is actually very smart, but no focus and her maturity level is below where it should be.  She is 15 in 10th grade. Will be 16 in December.  But all these social inadequaecies are not why cant not take rejmember not to take food upstairs or simply do homework. Her grades are all over the place. Because you will see rows of zero.  I have wanted her to be in a safe nuturing enviroment. But it does feel like I am pouring money down the drain.  She was to get 7 credits feshman year.  She got 5. She failed Bible (1 whole credit gone).  First semester of math (1/2 credit gone and P.E. because didnt dress out.) So now I have to pay for correspondance school to make up those credits.

I'm seeing a person who already isn't fitting in at the private school. It's NOT a nurturing place.

I am at a point where I resent her.  I get advice all over the place some people say she needs therapy

Yes, she does. Maybe even an IEP, which will help.

others say nothing wrong with that girl she is different but extremely smart and she needs her tail beat. 

Do NOT listen to those people. They're incorrect.

All I know is Im at work now, I have got nothing done. I come to work toooooo many days upset because of my morning turmoil.  Luckily I have a job I can close my office door, and loose a day of productivity and make it up on another day. But trust I have had to pull it together after a fight on some VERY crucial days to my career. I am so tired and it is so unfair to my other kid who has to listen to it and to me.  I am at my wits end. I love my kid but I dont like her very much these days.  I think I resent paying tuition I really cant afford and it is creating financial hardship for you to succeed and then I feel like she is spitting in my face.  Its not just grades contstantly takes food upstairs even thought that is against rules, if let go somewhere wont be where supposed to be. If wake up, go back upstairs she sleep again.  Stress, stress, stress.  Its too the point I am just counting the days to her dearture. I almost want her to see how hard life could be.

Dump the private school; Do it TODAY. They're not helping and you're pouring money down a rat hole. 

Take her for counseling. Again, DO IT TODAY. That will be money well spent.

GirlsMom1514
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 5:28 PM

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next Saturday. I won't yank her from school immediately because she has friends and a boyfriend and likes some of her teachers and her counselor.   I do have my other girl in charter middle school and now is in the magnet program of a public high school.  I do like the idea that there are so many people at public school may find little niche ...maybe people who are artsy like her and have her interest, she has a friend group at current school and I hate to see her loose them, but I need to see her do her part, you are right about IEP ...private school does not offer IEPs and she has been in private Christian schools since birth, in 5th grade pulled other one out because I found rigorous charter school and that worked well. I think really prepared her for magnet program.  Hopefully, the psychiatrist will be able to find those issues if they exist. I do not want my house to be so hostille. It is always in the morning when we are getting ready and it's counter productive to everyone's day. I have wondered about ADHD and aspberger for years.  But these to me don't excuse taking food upstairs, not doing homework but maybe psychiatrist will educate me.

AnnaMess
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 5:45 PM

You just have to try to calmly talk to her about what is bugging her and go from there. No use in screaming.

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