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DD is having a hard time at college.. Advice?

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:42 PM
  • 16 Replies

My youngest, Sarah, is a freshman in college and apperently she's been having friend problems. Her and her roommate are friends, but there's a girl that lives down the hall thats very close with her roommate, and for some reason unbeknownst to her, the girl down the hall decided she doesn't like her. She doesn't do anything "bully"-like but she just ignores her. Sarah called me today upset. The girl had gone home for the weekend and had just come back and as Sarah said it "killed my good-weekend vibe" just by coming in. She got on a rant and said that it doesn't even bother her that she doesn't like her, it just bothers her because whenever she's around she feels so shut out and like she's not good enough to be in the girls "circle", which sucks - even if you don't like the person.


And I don't know what to tell her. She's never been the type of girl to have a lot of friends, she's always had 1 close best friend, and she was always fine with that. Kinda the loner type I guess. I can't just tell her to go make more friends, I know it's easier said than done for her. So what's she supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell her to do?

by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 12:32 AM

Tell her to ignore it. The girl will get over not having a reaction and get bored. She's just being immature.

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 14, 2013 at 7:08 AM
Everyone is never gonna like everyone. Your dd needs to make other friends and move on. My dd didn't speak to her rude roommate most of last year. My dd made numerous other friends. In college people just don't have one friend. She is gonna have to grow up and be more outgoing and make more than one friend.
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suesues
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 7:20 AM

its all part of growing up tell her to hang in there if it real bothers her ask for a room change but it could get worse look at bright side they are already into midterms then thanksgiving can she come home more often?

momsince1985
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:08 AM

Unfortunately no, she's stuck there until actual breaks, she goes to college in Michigan, and we live in Alaska


Quoting suesues:

its all part of growing up tell her to hang in there if it real bothers her ask for a room change but it could get worse look at bright side they are already into midterms then thanksgiving can she come home more often?



Carmel63
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:28 AM

My daughter is also a freshman in college.  I would recommend your daughter join clubs, and other organizations that appeal to her.  That is the best way to meet people with the same interests.  She needs to learn how to make friends.  I would consider this to an important life skill that she needs to spend some time on.

At my daughter's school, if you and your roommate can get along well enough to share a room, that is a good situation.  The girls are finding friends outside of their dorm rooms.

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 14, 2013 at 12:01 PM
In college no one wants to just have one friend. It seems smothering and odd. My friends dd had a roommate like that. She got a new roommate at the semester and her old roommate never had friends. Most find a clique of 6 to 10 good friends and are cordial and nice to everyone on their floor. My dd has a group of about 8 to 10 girls and about 6 to 8 guys in the group she hangs with. My dd is shy but you gottta put yourself out there. She joined one club last year and 3 this year.
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bizzeemom2717
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 12:58 PM
This, it's truly a life skill that is coming to a head. Like pp said join some clubs, put yourself out there. Everyone freshman year is new. My DS is more introverted and this is when he met his group of friends he still hangs out with junior year. Also this is normal what she's going through. It's a BIG adjustment and much tougher for some than others. It's really really good she's calling you, stay positive, it will get better.

Quoting atlmom2:

Everyone is never gonna like everyone. Your dd needs to make other friends and move on. My dd didn't speak to her rude roommate most of last year. My dd made numerous other friends. In college people just don't have one friend. She is gonna have to grow up and be more outgoing and make more than one friend.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 1:27 PM

this.  clubs are a great start.

Quoting atlmom2:

In college no one wants to just have one friend. It seems smothering and odd. My friends dd had a roommate like that. She got a new roommate at the semester and her old roommate never had friends. Most find a clique of 6 to 10 good friends and are cordial and nice to everyone on their floor. My dd has a group of about 8 to 10 girls and about 6 to 8 guys in the group she hangs with. My dd is shy but you gottta put yourself out there. She joined one club last year and 3 this year.

OR if she has a hard time making friends have her start study groups.... that could lead to friend ships.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 1:28 PM

this too..... making friends is a life skill best learned young.  This just happens to be her time to learn.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

This, it's truly a life skill that is coming to a head. 
drfink
by Emily on Oct. 14, 2013 at 1:45 PM

 My daughter's freshaman year she and her roommate were not friends.They got along well enough to share a room.She was honest ,considerate with music etc just not friends.She had new bfs on a daily basis and my daughter didn't want to share a room with a girl and a new boy every few days.

She was a 17 hour drive away and joined many ,many organizations her first year knowing at least one would click.Several did and she dropped the others.She found her college bff /roommate for the next year in these groups.Though they both changed schools after two more years but they still go see each other.

Tell her the truth ....her good friend is there on campus they just haven't crossed paths yet.It will help her to join things or do the study group idea.

Sorry her year is having a hard start.Also remind her she is allowing herself to feel that the girls think they are better or what it is she thinks they feel.If she thinks of them as just some girls she has met ,acquaintances and gives them no power then they can't shut her out.They are just some girls she knows.

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