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Advice Needed: I thought I had a very open relationship with my...

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:16 AM
  • 13 Replies

I thought I had a very open relationship with my daughters. My youngest one has been lying to me a lot. She just got into high school and is spreading her wings a bit too far. Any suggestions on how to draw her back in?

by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
deb51980
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Exactly what is "spreading wings too far"?

Would her sister be of help in getting her back on track?

earthandeden
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:33 AM

She left school one day and no one could find her, she was missing for hours, I had to call the police to report her missing. They picked her up wandering around downtown. She is skipping certain classes. I had to escort her to her make up classes to make sure she got there. She met a boy and has been lying about where she is so that she can be with him. Silly thing is no one is keeping her from seeing him. It scares me because she suffers from AHDH and depression so she sometimes does not make the best choices. Her sister is of no help. She is in trouble right now because she is failing every class but one. so the two of the conspire on how to get away with things while they are on restriction.

deb51980
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry.  I don't know what I would do, myself.

I suggest you call this what it is.  "Spreading wings too far" doesn't describe it.  At no age is it spreading wings to skip school (or later on, a job).  At no age is it acceptable to lie on whereabouts so as to spend time with a lover (that is what adulterers do)

You have a particular problem in that two misbehaving children are supporting each other.

Boarding school comes to mind.  That would separate the conspiracy.  I don't know what your resources are.

Perhaps it is time to get counselling for yourself so as to get ideas on what to do.

good luck.


Quoting earthandeden:

She left school one day and no one could find her, she was missing for hours, I had to call the police to report her missing. They picked her up wandering around downtown. She is skipping certain classes. I had to escort her to her make up classes to make sure she got there. She met a boy and has been lying about where she is so that she can be with him. Silly thing is no one is keeping her from seeing him. It scares me because she suffers from AHDH and depression so she sometimes does not make the best choices. Her sister is of no help. She is in trouble right now because she is failing every class but one. so the two of the conspire on how to get away with things while they are on restriction.



amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:33 PM

I agree with the suggestion of counseling, for both of your teens.

Quoting deb51980:

I am so sorry.  I don't know what I would do, myself.

I suggest you call this what it is.  "Spreading wings too far" doesn't describe it.  At no age is it spreading wings to skip school (or later on, a job).  At no age is it acceptable to lie on whereabouts so as to spend time with a lover (that is what adulterers do)

You have a particular problem in that two misbehaving children are supporting each other.

Boarding school comes to mind.  That would separate the conspiracy.  I don't know what your resources are.

Perhaps it is time to get counselling for yourself so as to get ideas on what to do.

good luck.


Quoting earthandeden:

She left school one day and no one could find her, she was missing for hours, I had to call the police to report her missing. They picked her up wandering around downtown. She is skipping certain classes. I had to escort her to her make up classes to make sure she got there. She met a boy and has been lying about where she is so that she can be with him. Silly thing is no one is keeping her from seeing him. It scares me because she suffers from AHDH and depression so she sometimes does not make the best choices. Her sister is of no help. She is in trouble right now because she is failing every class but one. so the two of the conspire on how to get away with things while they are on restriction.




mumsy2three
by Shauna on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:12 PM

I am not sure what I would do in your situation but I agree with above that counselling may be a good place to start.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:16 PM

Talk to her.   Get to the root of the problem.... why is she skipping certain classes and lying about the boy? 




bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:43 PM

 

Quoting deb51980:

I am so sorry.  I don't know what I would do, myself.

I suggest you call this what it is.  "Spreading wings too far" doesn't describe it.  At no age is it spreading wings to skip school (or later on, a job).  At no age is it acceptable to lie on whereabouts so as to spend time with a lover (that is what adulterers do)

You have a particular problem in that two misbehaving children are supporting each other.

Boarding school comes to mind.  That would separate the conspiracy.  I don't know what your resources are.

Perhaps it is time to get counselling for yourself so as to get ideas on what to do.

good luck.

 

Quoting earthandeden:

She left school one day and no one could find her, she was missing for hours, I had to call the police to report her missing. They picked her up wandering around downtown. She is skipping certain classes. I had to escort her to her make up classes to make sure she got there. She met a boy and has been lying about where she is so that she can be with him. Silly thing is no one is keeping her from seeing him. It scares me because she suffers from AHDH and depression so she sometimes does not make the best choices. Her sister is of no help. She is in trouble right now because she is failing every class but one. so the two of the conspire on how to get away with things while they are on restriction.

 

 

 I agree with all of this except for the boarding school. Family counseling asap...both of your girls with you. A counselor will not only guide you as the parent in suggesting and making boundaries, they will also hopefully get to the real root of thye problem, which is WHY your daughter feels the need to act out this way? hugs and good luck.

02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:32 PM

 I would find out why she is doing what she is and if it has to do with the boy she would only be allowed to see him at my house with all doors open and he would break it off so you aren't the bad guy.

If needed get her help but she needs you to be strict and consistent  

navyjen
by Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 3:36 PM

Spend time with her.  Even if its just talking.  I was having alot of problems with my son then I started spending extra time with him and things have started turing around.  Do something fun with her just the two of you and see if that helps.....

earthandeden
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:22 PM

All excellent advice. I am very consistent in my parenting and I do spend a lot of time with my girls. I am trying positive reinforcement and just talking to her. Counseling will be happening immediately.

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