I joined this group just recently and I sure could use some advice. We have a 17 year old daugher and since she turned 15, she's given us all kinds of grief. She's smoked pot, experimented with salvia, lied to us, sneaked over to her boyfriend's house, etc. I took her to counseling with a teen counselor for 3 sessions, but she never contributed, so I stopped it due to the cost and not getting much out of it, from her standpoint. Our trust in her and her ability to make good decisions has been lost. I've been deeply hurt by her. She can look us right in the eye and tell us it's one way and we find out later, it's another way.
Well, she's currently dating a boy that we dont care for, at all. He's a high school drop out, for one thing. They both lied to us about him attending a local high school and we later found out that he's drop out. My husband and I have learned to be very good detectives. Before this all came out, we'd allowed her to meet her boyfriend at a local park a few times to "hang out". Well, I started thinking about the time because they'd meet up around 3 PM, right after my daughter's school let out. He supposdly atttended another local high school. So, I looked online at the time it let out...3:30 PM. When our daughter got home one afternoon, we confronted her about it and she admitted they'd lied...that he had dropped out. SO NOT HAPPY! We, also, found pretty explicit text messages they'd sent each other. She said they never did anything...it was all just joking between them. Any parent wants to believe that's the case, but I think they got involved in very heavy petting at the park. Makes me sick to my stomach! She did state on there that she's a virgin and wants to stay that way. His older brother (19) had a baby out of wedlock about 5 months ago. We let her know how hurt and disappointed we were...I can't begin to tell you, in fact. I can't trust her and I certainly don't trust him! We took her phone away and grounded her. My husband wrote the boyfriend a message stating that he'd read the messages he's sent to our daughter and that he better NEVER ask her to engage in those kinds of things! Would you believe that her boyfriend wrote back and told him that our daughter is a "big girl" and can make her own decisions? The next time he saw him, my husband chewed him out! We want him to GO AWAY! We both think he's trouble, but our daughter is convinced he's "Mr. Wonderful".
Question is...how do we discourage their relationship? We don't think we can ever allow her to go out with him? We don't trust him as far as we can throw him...and, quite honestly, our daughter, either! We fear he'll try to convince her to do things she's been taught not to do. When she gets her phone back, we're going to block texting during school hours and her phone will cut off at 9 PM because she can't control it. My daughter and I don't get along very well, anymore, and that makes me so sad. I'm paranoid now about allowing her to go anywhere. Just recently, my husband and I spied on her and her boyfriend. Caught her driving him around...and she isn't legally supposed to do that until Dec. It's just always something! Anytime we take a few steps forward, we take 15 back. Any advice would be much appreciated. The more we try to break them apart, the more they're drawn together.