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Creative but Effective Discipline Help Needed

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 10:12 PM
  • 21 Replies

So for the past year and a half, we've been dealing with minor lies from my son.

For example, I'll ask him if he did X or talked to his teacher about Y. He'll respond "yes" even though he hasn't done it yet, thinking he'll take care of it before we find out. Then he gets lazy and doesn't follow up in doing X or Y. So then we catch him in the lie.

So far, we've tried grounding from friends and/or electronics. It hasn't seemed to be effective. In addition, we've had several talks about how these lies causes us to lose trust in him.

So I'm looking for some advice on some creative punishment ideas that might be more effective than traditional grounding. I'm also willing to stay the existing course if anyone has experience in the teen eventually learning from traditional groundings and talks.

by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 10:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Oct. 21, 2013 at 10:48 PM
Missing hockey practice or games?
Writing an essay on why it is important to follow through..
Hqving mommy follow him around for a day because he cant be trusted?

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 21, 2013 at 11:34 PM
I heard a counselor I work with once tell a client with a teen (well more than once) find their "currency" what for instance is of value to them? If its not electronics maybe hockey practice, yep it hurts the team and you may only have to do it once. Also I frequently hear along with what is the teens currency how high on YOUR family value system is the infraction. Trust is big IMO if he's lying now about little things how can you build up trust for when he's 16 Snd wants a license to drive? You may want to bring that up. My 15 year olds currency dd is her phone and social life take that away she's devastated! My DS almost 21 was a little more difficult. We did the unplugged thing, he didn't really care. I made him miss ONE basketball game coach was pissed, team mates mad, Dh even Leary but he had lied about a homework assignment I had tried a lot like you. Never happened again. It was HORRIBLE sitting through that basketball game..however that was 8th grade than God we got things in check before HS when grades count for things like partial athletic scholarships lol. Good luck and hang in there!
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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 21, 2013 at 11:36 PM
Oh and I didn't mean it had to be one of his hockey games or practices by any means just was trying to explain currency thing. Lol sorry long day at work. Message me if you want to chat more. Hugs!
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gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 12:08 AM

I agree you have to make it something they truly care about. Grounding wouldn't bother my son in the least; the only social life he really has is at school. But the last incident we had, I told him I would have him barred from a school club he really likes. It made a difference.

Barabell
by Barbara on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:34 PM

Usually friends and/or video games is his currency. I'm not sure if taking away hockey would work right now because he doesn't care for his team this year. Sigh.

He just sways between not caring about things to being who he was before a teen. Parenting these teen years is more difficult in some ways. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 23, 2013 at 1:44 AM

 I've heard that too, but also have the same difficulty as the OP.  My question to you is this: What if his currency is school?  Not the educational part but the bad choice of friends? 

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I heard a counselor I work with once tell a client with a teen (well more than once) find their "currency" what for instance is of value to them? If its not electronics maybe hockey practice, yep it hurts the team and you may only have to do it once. Also I frequently hear along with what is the teens currency how high on YOUR family value system is the infraction. Trust is big IMO if he's lying now about little things how can you build up trust for when he's 16 Snd wants a license to drive? You may want to bring that up. My 15 year olds currency dd is her phone and social life take that away she's devastated! My DS almost 21 was a little more difficult. We did the unplugged thing, he didn't really care. I made him miss ONE basketball game coach was pissed, team mates mad, Dh even Leary but he had lied about a homework assignment I had tried a lot like you. Never happened again. It was HORRIBLE sitting through that basketball game..however that was 8th grade than God we got things in check before HS when grades count for things like partial athletic scholarships lol. Good luck and hang in there!

 

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 2:02 AM
1 mom liked this


This might just be an australian thing - but I've always threatned (and followed through) that they would be on isolatoion for a week or two - they have to eat lunch in the office, sit up the back of their classes away from their friends and get dropped off 5 minutes late and picked up 5 minutes early. Our school has always been super good on following parent's wishes.

Quoting fantasticfour:

 I've heard that too, but also have the same difficulty as the OP.  My question to you is this: What if his currency is school?  Not the educational part but the bad choice of friends? 

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I heard a counselor I work with once tell a client with a teen (well more than once) find their "currency" what for instance is of value to them? If its not electronics maybe hockey practice, yep it hurts the team and you may only have to do it once. Also I frequently hear along with what is the teens currency how high on YOUR family value system is the infraction. Trust is big IMO if he's lying now about little things how can you build up trust for when he's 16 Snd wants a license to drive? You may want to bring that up. My 15 year olds currency dd is her phone and social life take that away she's devastated! My DS almost 21 was a little more difficult. We did the unplugged thing, he didn't really care. I made him miss ONE basketball game coach was pissed, team mates mad, Dh even Leary but he had lied about a homework assignment I had tried a lot like you. Never happened again. It was HORRIBLE sitting through that basketball game..however that was 8th grade than God we got things in check before HS when grades count for things like partial athletic scholarships lol. Good luck and hang in there!

 



bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 23, 2013 at 3:02 AM
I agree with the pp above me it's not just an Australian thing, you have them eat lunch in the office and have them come immediately home from school. They don't have time at lunch to hang out with bad influences. If they have one or two classes well they may have a bit of interaction but hopefully that's supervised by a teacher and 99% of the time at least 90 is spent on learning. There are ways to work around the school thing

Quoting fantasticfour:

 I've heard that too, but also have the same difficulty as the OP.  My question to you is this: What if his currency is school?  Not the educational part but the bad choice of friends? 


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I heard a counselor I work with once tell a client with a teen (well more than once) find their "currency" what for instance is of value to them? If its not electronics maybe hockey practice, yep it hurts the team and you may only have to do it once. Also I frequently hear along with what is the teens currency how high on YOUR family value system is the infraction. Trust is big IMO if he's lying now about little things how can you build up trust for when he's 16 Snd wants a license to drive? You may want to bring that up. My 15 year olds currency dd is her phone and social life take that away she's devastated! My DS almost 21 was a little more difficult. We did the unplugged thing, he didn't really care. I made him miss ONE basketball game coach was pissed, team mates mad, Dh even Leary but he had lied about a homework assignment I had tried a lot like you. Never happened again. It was HORRIBLE sitting through that basketball game..however that was 8th grade than God we got things in check before HS when grades count for things like partial athletic scholarships lol. Good luck and hang in there!

 

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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:02 AM

Sorry Barabell, I completely forgot to reply to your post - I know (from previous posts of yours) the school your son goes to is very big on student responsibility so telling him that he's lost the privliege to do it himself and YOU will follow up on everything won't work. The only thing I can think of is punish him MORE harshly than what you would if he simply told the truth. The only thing I can think of is when you pick him up is refusing to leave the school until you've recieved comfirmation (maybe get the teacher to sign his adgenda to prove that he talked to him about it?) that he's done everything he needs to do...I wouldn't take things AWAY from him, I would add things to his day, extra homework to make up for gotten tasks, extra chores for the lying, and maybe when he says to you "Mom, I did, XYZ" start double checking on him, and make him realize he doesn't LIKE you chasing after him.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:45 AM

Have you tried to shadow him at school. Nothing like mom following him around for a few days to make sure he is taking care of his responsibilities.

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