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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

How to remove the entitlement?

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:24 PM
  • 36 Replies

 OK back to my 17 year old son.  I'm really stuck.  We cannot afford a boarding school (after seeing how much they cost) and he cannot go to military school (since the only ones we found were college prep).

So far, he is downstairs in the basement with hubby (and ruining my marriage btw) and I am on the main floor with the girls.  I am so sick and tired of the lieing and stealing.  He steals little crap for no reason.  He gets fed 3 meals a day (if they are not involving the rest of the family) and he still steals a 4lb jar of peanut butter and eats it all at school at lunch.  Or rips off burritos from the freezer (he learned how to break into it even though it locks) and eats them on the bus KNOWING his sisters ride the same bus.

He lies constantly too.  Today it was "I broke my glasses in gym".  First of all, he doesn't have gym.  Secondly I spoke to my girls and he takes his glasses off on the bus and shoves them in his pocket and then leaves them there until he gets home.  No wonder he goes through them like a toddler would go through crystal goblets. 

I am so frustrated, so upset, so stressed out.  I don't know how to deal with him.  Sorry if this is scatterbrained, but that's how bad I am.  I don't sleep anymore (3 hours a night if I'm lucky) and rarely feel good.  I'm not depressed, but just ready to give up on him.

As far as kicking him out at 18, I would prefer not, because honestly, I don't believe he would make it.  I'm afraid he is going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and end up dead in a ditch somewhere.  He's mouthy and a coward.

by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:31 PM
He needs a boot camp. Tough love.
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:46 AM

 Once again, we either cannot afford it OR they won't take him due to age/acedemic performance.  And Boot Camps are outlawed in my state.

Quoting atlmom2:

He needs a boot camp. Tough love.

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 23, 2013 at 3:14 AM
I have no idea. I believe at 18 to kick him out but you say that is not an option either.


Quoting fantasticfour:

 Once again, we either cannot afford it OR they won't take him due to age/acedemic performance.  And Boot Camps are outlawed in my state.


Quoting atlmom2:

He needs a boot camp. Tough love.

 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 8:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the only option is to kick him out at 18. My belief is - when he turns 18, if your daughter gets sick again and her doctor blames your DS, you can get into trouble for not protecting your MINOR daughter over your ADULT son. He's ruining your marriage, your daughter's health, your sanity. I think it's the only option and if he gets assualted or hurt, maybe that'll be the lesson he needs to learn to know that he CAN'T always get his own way and it might "set him straight"

PurpleHazey
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry you have to go threw this, I do believe tough love is the only way. These teens today feel they can and do what ever that want but this is a perfect example of what society has done to our children, these kids are left in a no win world!

wants2play
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:13 AM
Does he have mental or development issues? If yes seek mental health assistance. If not... Tuff love!! Sorry. Good luck.
boonie594
by Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Get him into some kind of counseling before he turns 18.  He probably should have started it awhile ago.  Some places will charge on a sliding scale. Don't give up on him-he is your son.  Maybe he acts out because he feels the way you think about him. Good Luck.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:35 AM

Kick him out, sorry, that's your option, but I'm curious as to how he is steling food. I'm assuming it's in the house for them to eat?

sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:39 AM
Over eating and taking his glasses off. The stealing is only food? Sounds like he is very unhappy... Possibly an eating disorder. Is he overweight? Have you at least tried therapy? Health insurance might pay for that.

Was he unhappy about you getting married? Does he get along with step dad?
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02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:02 AM

 do they have alternative school there I consider it like a daycare for want for kids who refuse to be responsible and do their school work and get in trouble. 

I know many kids here who wouldn't have grauduated if it weren't for alternative school. 

I would take all food and put it in your room and lock it up unless it has to be refrigerated.  It sounds like he is wanting to get caught since he is doing these things in front of his sisters.

I would not replace his glasses since he doesn't really need them that bad if they are in his pocket all day.

He would be getting a job and paying for everything he steals and I would also call the police and report everything he takes until they got tired of filing reports and did something with him. 

Good luck I hope you find an option of dealing with him and can save your marriage.

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