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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

She's always had this 'sense of entitlement'

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM
  • 12 Replies

 

update: It looks like my dd talked with the science teacher, he said he would call for her to re-take tests/quizzes but thinks he may have forgotten to do so, but says that my dd should have asked him again.  Well, maybe so but he won't really own what he did anyway.  Still my dd shouldn't have gotten disrespectful to me.  We don't know if we will say yes to basketball at this point.  Why is it always such a last minute decision?! lol What do you all do just only look at the final grade, not the F's, D's on tests/quizzes.  I still say a C at the first quarter for a final grade is concerning esp since it's never happened.  Statistics say only 1% of kids go on to get a sport scholarship anyway. Any other advice?

 I need some help in some ideas on how to get a teen to follow our rules.  My 14 yo dd gave me big grief this morning, just one thing after another. My dd didn't empty the wastebaskets last night like she is suppose to do. It is her job to do before the garbage man comes today. I said something to her last night that she hasn't done what she was suppose to do. I gave up on the reminding her as it became a constant thing and she wasn't learning anything by it. I shouldn't have given her a hint but I don't want to do it for her (that's what she wants). She went to bed without walking our dog also or emptying the waste baskets. She still didn't do it this morning or make her bed. I had told her she wasn't doing the things she is suppose to do, then she FINALLY emptied them & I again told her THAT IS WHY YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THEM THE NIGHT BEFORE. She didn't make her bed which is totally not like her.  I asked her when her grades would be posted. This is the end of the quarter and she has 2 F's & a D- and a D+ to get her science grade up to a B. We don't allow any C's the first quarter. She has a C- right now. Since this is only the first quarter and she has a pattern of going downhill as the quarters progress. I asked her when her grades would be up as she was to talk with the teacher and she said she had. She has been saying that they would be up for the past week and her grades are still not up.  She said "when I get to school".  I told her she wouldn't be going on Thursday to an event if they weren't. She told me "oh yes I will" she told me to shut up & went down stairs. She was in her room forever too this morning and poured a bowl of cereal and never ate it. I heard her pour the cereal back. I said you had plenty of time to eat it. I told her she didn't take her vitamins. She said she did. I think she threw her vitamins away which she has a pattern of doing. She just wants to do what she wants to do.  We don't have very many rules or chores.  If we did, I think she would have room to complain. HER ONLY CURRENCY IS SPORTS! Basketball is coming up & her Dad & I are thinking of keeping her out as the grades only plummet (like the past 2 yrs in basketball), when we get on her they go back up so we KNOW SHE IS CAPABLE. I am now thinking it's all stemmed from us not taking any sport away from her when she has acted up.  She knew we wouldn't because we would let the team down (other players).

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Maybe she needs more rule and chores. If things have been lax for many years maybe has learned simply not to take you seriously.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I find I can't get my teens to do much of anything unless I have something to hold over their heads.  On Sunday, my oldest finished her homework at about 5pm and wanted to go watch a movie with a friend.  I said you have to put away all your laundry and put clean sheets on your bed before you can go anywhere.  It was done in about 5 minutes!  I just have to take my opportunities as they come.  I don't really have a chore chart or anything like that, I just withhold privileges until they get stuff done.

As far as grades...does she plays school sports? If so I am surprised they allow her to play with a failing grade. In our district there is a strict no pass, no play policy.  You can't even play if you have Incompletes.  The freshman football team had to miss a game last week because so many players were failing classes, they couldn't field a team.  If she is playing outside of school, or her school doesn't have this policy, then I think you are definitely going to have to take that away from her until her grades come up.  The rest of the team may suffer for it, but your first responsibility is to your daughter, and with any luck, the fact that her teammates need her will give her more incentive to improve her grades and get back to playing.  Good luck!!

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:27 PM

 Yes, I had in my post she does play sports. She isn't getting F's as final grades.  That's what the school will not let her play for.  She is getting all kinds of F's & D-s, D's & C- on work/tests/quizzes tho... The school will let her play as long as she doesn't have an F as a final grade. I had put that's what I am thinking now has been the problems all along.  Read what I put at the bottom of my post.  I know it was so long, u prob missed that part?  lol I think I have been DUPED A TEEN!!  I THINK MY DH & I ALLOWED THIS WITHOUT REALLY REALIZING WE WERE DOING WRONG!!

 

Quoting Niccalyn:

I find I can't get my teens to do much of anything unless I have something to hold over their heads.  On Sunday, my oldest finished her homework at about 5pm and wanted to go watch a movie with a friend.  I said you have to put away all your laundry and put clean sheets on your bed before you can go anywhere.  It was done in about 5 minutes!  I just have to take my opportunities as they come.  I don't really have a chore chart or anything like that, I just withhold privileges until they get stuff done.

As far as grades...does she plays school sports? If so I am surprised they allow her to play with a failing grade. In our district there is a strict no pass, no play policy.  You can't even play if you have Incompletes.  The freshman football team had to miss a game last week because so many players were failing classes, they couldn't field a team.  If she is playing outside of school, or her school doesn't have this policy, then I think you are definitely going to have to take that away from her until her grades come up.  The rest of the team may suffer for it, but your first responsibility is to your daughter, and with any luck, the fact that her teammates need her will give her more incentive to improve her grades and get back to playing.  Good luck!!

 

 

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:32 PM

 she has chores, I meant that she has nothing to complain about (that she certainly isn't overworked). Yes, tho I think she knows we are nice parents & she pushes the limits because of it. She's an only child so I think this plays into it also


Quoting sahlady:

Maybe she needs more rule and chores. If things have been lax for many years maybe has learned simply not to take you seriously.


 

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Come up with a plan with her and sitck to it.  We have woken our kids up at 5 am to have them take out the garbage.  We have also said that dinner will be waiting when they are done with chores.  Be firm and don't let her slide on stuff.

ms-superwoman
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe she needs to be grounded until her grades come up and she does her chores? If she doesn't get her grades up, then most schools wont let her play sports. Eventually, all the bad grades on homework will cause a low final grade.

When I was that age and got anything lower than a C, I was grounded to my room, my mom would remove everything (except my dresser, bed, the necessities) except my school books. I couldn't do anything but study.  It only happened once, I always had good grades after that. Lol

sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Being a nice parent and enforsing rules are not mutually exclusive concepts
Quoting cat4458:

 she has chores, I meant that she has nothing to complain about (that she certainly isn't overworked). Yes, tho I think she knows we are nice parents & she pushes the limits because of it. She's an only child so I think this plays into it also




Quoting sahlady:

Maybe she needs more rule and chores. If things have been lax for many years maybe has learned simply not to take you seriously.



 

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drfink
by Emily on Oct. 23, 2013 at 1:41 PM

 Completely agree.

Quoting sahlady:

Being a nice parent and enforsing rules are not mutually exclusive concepts
Quoting cat4458:

 she has chores, I meant that she has nothing to complain about (that she certainly isn't overworked). Yes, tho I think she knows we are nice parents & she pushes the limits because of it. She's an only child so I think this plays into it also


 


Quoting sahlady:

Maybe she needs more rule and chores. If things have been lax for many years maybe has learned simply not to take you seriously.

 


 

 

Pnukey
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 2:41 PM

It sounds like she needs more rules and responsibilities and no basketball.

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 1:08 PM

update: It looks like my dd talked with the science teacher, he said he would call for her to re-take tests/quizzes but thinks he may have forgotten to do so, but says that my dd should have asked him again.  Well, maybe so but he won't really own what he did anyway.  Still my dd shouldn't have gotten disrespectful to me.  We don't know if we will say yes to basketball at this point.  Why is it always such a last minute decision?! lol What do you all do just only look at the final grade, not the F's, D's on tests/quizzes.  I still say a C at the first quarter for a final grade is concerning esp since it's never happened.  Statistics say only 1% of kids go on to get a sport scholarship anyway. Any other advice?

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