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Question for those with older teen daughters

Posted by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 12:30 PM
  • 17 Replies

Is it normal for a teenage girl to seem to not just want but NEED male attention to be happy?  My almost-17-year-old dd is happy and bubbly and full of energy WHEN a boy that she has her eye on is paying attention to her (usually by texting).  If she goes for a day without hearing from said boy, she becomes sullen, withdrawn, and 'exhausted', and sometimes even develops headaches or other aches and pains. 

I had another talk with her the other night about how amazing she is--beautiful, smart, talented, etc.  How I know she is going to do great things in her life, and she doesn't need a guy to fulfill her dreams!  She smiled and said I know, thanks, etc.  But she had been hearing from her current crush almost constantly for 3 days.  Then yesterday she didn't hear from him at all and it was back to tired and depressed by this morning.  He goes to a different school half an hour away, so their only form of communication during the week is by phone/computer. She doesn't want to come across as a nag or overly-agressive, and she doesn't really know how this particular boy feels about her, so she normally waits for him to contact her unless she has something specific to tell/ask him. 

She has a lot of guy friends, several of whom I'm fairly certain would be overjoyed if she showed romantic interest in them.  But she is never interested in the boys who are readily available...just the 'players' who run hot and cold and tend to string along a bunch of girls at once.  She seems to keep repeating the same pattern with these boys.

Why is attention from the opposite sex so darned important to her? I was not like this as a teen, but my mother says she was. Is it a personality thing?  I'm introverted and she is very extroverted--maybe that has something to do with it?  Anything I can do about it other than keep reminding her that she is fantastic with or without a boyfriend? I want her to focus more on school and choosing the right college! Would love to hear stories about your own teens and how you handled it.  Thanks!

by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 12:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 5:25 PM

All I can say is that my daughter is not like this.

by Susie on Oct. 24, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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Mine never lived and breathed for a guy. She needs to get self esteem and not define herself through a guy.
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by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 6:25 PM
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This is a tough one.  I think so many of our teens have their own individual way of behaving and reacting to different situations.  

With that said, I don't think you are alone in being concerned about your daughter's mood changes.  May I offer you a couple online articles that may be able to offer some advice?

Loving Your Teen Through Life's Seasons

Our Teen's Personality

Good Dating Guidelines


by Barbara on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:28 PM

No experience with this, since I have a young male teenage son.

Here's a bump for more responses.

by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 10:14 PM

Just curious - where's dad in all this?

by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 10:28 PM

My 19 yo dd is not all moody about guys.   

by Bronze Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Her dad is very much present in her life--we have been married almost 26 years!  He is always there for our girls when there is a big problem (for example, when my oldest broke up with her 'first love' six months ago--he was awesome).  However, my dh is not the most approachable person when it comes to day-to-day stuff; he is impatient, sarcastic (to the point of being mean sometimes), and tends to be a yeller.  It is just his personality, but my girls are more like me.  So I end up being the 'go-to' parent when they are looking for a 'sympathetic ear.' They tend to believe their dad 'wouldn't understand,' and I guess I don't push them because tbh, I am never really sure what his reaction will be and I don't want them to try and talk to him and end up even more confused and upset!

by Gold Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 12:43 PM

that would be a huge red flag in my mind

by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 1:35 AM
1 mom liked this
I have 2 teenage step-daughters. 17 and 19.The older one has always been focused on boys. Since middle school. Sounds like your daughter.That's still her main focus in life; Her next relationship. The younger one has always had a very independent attitude and gets annoyed when her friends get too caught up in their boyfriends. Their dad and I much prefer to attitude of the younger one, of course. lol. They are two girls from the same parents and the same life circumstances but have totally different attitudes. Go figure.
I don't think it's healthy to live and die for the attention that a guy gives you. It's not good for your self esteem and a rough way to live your life. Your daughter is still young, I hope she will mature out of it. I think you are doing the right thing by telling her what you did and encouraging her to focus on other things. It may not seem like she hears you but I'm sure she is retaining it somewhere it the back of her mind. At least you can say you tried.
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:18 AM
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She's insecure.
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