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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

13 going on 25

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:57 AM
  • 14 Replies
My son, age 13 wants to grow up so fast. He has older friends, wants to hang out at the high school and thinks he should be allowed to ride in cars with 16, 17 and even 18 year olds. He has older girlfriends. And he and some of his older friends once actually took my car out without permission. He thinks he should be allowed to go to hookah lounges and hang out with an older crowd. He is in 7th grade and constantly refers to his classmates as immature and babyish and doesn't want to spend time with them. He thinks he should have no curfew. The list goes on and on. Does anyone else have a situation similar to this? If so please help. I'd appreciate any advice or experience. Thank you moms!!!!!
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:10 AM
No way. No 13 yo needs to run with 16 and 17 year olds. Asking for trouble.
Wow, taking your car without permission is stealing.
Hookah is illegal if not 18.
He needs consequences for all he is doing.
You are gonna have your hands full if you don't get him down to earth and back in middle school mode.
I guess I was lucky my girls always acted their age. They are adults now, 19 and 22.
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wakymom
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:32 AM

 Sit down w/ him and lay out the age-appropriate rules. Tell him the consequences for breaking the rules, and consistently follow through w/ it. He will test you and push you on it. Stay strong and consistent and he will eventually get the message.

 

 

 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:14 PM

Hit the brakes!!!    He is heading for trouble.   He needs to be with kids his own age, not older kids who are stealing your car and hanging out at hookah lounges.      Tell him No.   Limit his time with these 'older friends' and supervise when they are together.    He is too young for girlfriends, too.    




bizzeemom2717
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 4:48 PM
I agree. What consequences have you given him for his actions so far? Sounds like they might not be working and you have to change things up

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Hit the brakes!!!    He is heading for trouble.   He needs to be with kids his own age, not older kids who are stealing your car and hanging out at hookah lounges.      Tell him No.   Limit his time with these 'older friends' and supervise when they are together.    He is too young for girlfriends, too.    

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mumsy2three
by Shauna on Oct. 27, 2013 at 7:40 AM

I agree.

What consequences is his receiving for his behavior? When and how is he hanging out with the older teens, are they neighborhood kids?

Quoting wakymom:

 Sit down w/ him and lay out the age-appropriate rules. Tell him the consequences for breaking the rules, and consistently follow through w/ it. He will test you and push you on it. Stay strong and consistent and he will eventually get the message.

 

 

 


Barabell
by Barbara on Oct. 27, 2013 at 1:29 PM

I agree with this too. I also want to know what consequences you've given him for his actions so far.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree. What consequences have you given him for his actions so far? Sounds like they might not be working and you have to change things up

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Hit the brakes!!!    He is heading for trouble.   He needs to be with kids his own age, not older kids who are stealing your car and hanging out at hookah lounges.      Tell him No.   Limit his time with these 'older friends' and supervise when they are together.    He is too young for girlfriends, too.    


jenny3344
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this
The consequences I gave him are...took his phone and internet away, no friends on weekdays, on Fri he can have a friend over until 9pm, no sleepovers, and he has 5pages of rules for home, school, sports, friends, family that he has to rewrite every day and give mea copy. He also has to continue doing his chores around the house. So far these consequences have really interfered with his life so they are working. On the 5 pages of rules there are specific instructions to follow about school, home etc. I've come down pretty hard on him but that is what is necessary and if this doesn't work he will have to quit playing football and will have even stricter rules. I see the seriousness of his behaviors and want to stop it now before it gets worse.
jenny3344
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 3:20 PM
The older teens he hangs around with mostly live in our apt complex.
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 3:26 PM

Good for you Mom!

I would also find him some age appropriate acceptable activities. If he is in football now, and hat is something you can hold over him, great. What will happen when football is over? Is he into other sports?

You might consider  seeing if they have an Antler program at your Elks lodge - there aren't many but we have one that my boys are in and it is AweSOME! It is for kids age 12 -20 so there are older kids that could be a POSITIVE influence on your son.  It is a service and social group. the kids get to use the back room at the elks lodge (pool tables, Slider shuffle board, Wii, Darts, Poker, etc but supervised by adults and also do service in the community. Running the Haunted house, Christmas party and helping out at many other events through the year.

My oldest son also does Tenn Court  - juvenile non-violent offenders are given the option to go to city court instead of the actual police criminal juvenile system and other teens sit on the jury and dole out the punishments. It is really interesting. the offenders and their parents appear, the jury can ask questions and then deliberate. they can have them do counseling, write reports, even require the offender to volunteer in the court. It is very effective in our area.

drfink
by Emily on Oct. 27, 2013 at 3:55 PM

 

Quoting jenny3344:

The older teens he hangs around with mostly live in our apt complex.

 Looks like you are trying .Hope it works.Is there any way you can add some positive reinforcement to the mix with kids in his age range ?Plan something he likes to do with a friend his age take them someplace they like ...a movie,lazer quest something to reinforce his age group.The way from his current restrictions is to hang and behave age appropriately type stuff.

No curfew ROFL in seventh ....my kids have curfew till the summer after senior year ,I feel like they are going to college so but they let me know when they will be home .Plus stay out too late no breaks on the next day.

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