Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What's Up With My Daughters EX???

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 9:54 AM
  • 11 Replies

eye rollingMy daughter got a great boyfriend at the beginning of this school year.  It seemed to really be going great between them.  Things were very serious and he seemed to totally respect her in every way.

Out of the blue, He broke up with her about a week and a half ago saying he just needed some space for about a month or so but is thinking that he wants to get back together after the month break  (doesn't make sense to me).  Anyway, my daughter was ofcourse very upset for a couple of days but has been working to move on~~~and ofcourse there was a line of boys waiting for her to be available and who are talking to her.  There are a couple who are trying to slowly work in and give her the time she needs but there is one who is pushing more and I can see a lot of sexual undertone in some of what I see from him in his pursuit.  She seems to like the ones who are respecting the time she needs more (which I'm glad of~~~I like those better myself.)

I've gotten off track,  SORRY.  Back to my point.  The ex~boyfriend has not left her alone since he broke up with her.  I've been reading their communications (through messenger.)  The first 2 or 3 days, they were both very sad about the break up and trying to comfort each other through it .  It has They then started arguing for a day.  He was mad about the break up and having a one sided rant about getting back together next month but he just needs some space for a little while.  They 've just talked normal a little bit.  Yesterday, he started messaging her right after lunch giving her permission to date that guy who she was walking towards lunch with.  This is a guy who the ex doesn't like but he knows that the guy likes my daughter.  He told her "just go ahead and date him.  You have my permission.  Then you will see what he is really like."

He has messaged her everyday going through all these different phases of his emotions about the whole break up.  He is the one that broke up with my daughter to begin with.   My daughter is getting on with her life but can't because he keeps messaging her during school about things he has seen at school (mostly involving other guys) and then in the evenings to let his heartache go all over the place in the things he is saying to her. 

What are your thoughts on what is up with him?  He really seemed great until this whole break up.  He is not making any sense now.  Does he want to be with her or not?  Does he not want to be with her but just doesn't want anyone else with her either or what?  Should we be nervous about him now or just dismiss everything?  Our daughter does seem willing to get back together with him if it should come up but is just trying to get along with life now (most of her life now does still include the friends that her and her ex had together).  He seems to feel that they just don't like him much anymore.  She tells him that is because he has changed and just gotten mean all the time~I think she's right.

Anyway, How should we feel about all his actions?  Should we be nervous about him?  Do you think all this is normal?

I would love to hear some insight on him and all this.  THANKS

Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 9:54 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
stephs5isenough
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:58 AM

I don't know whether we need to be a little scared about the whole way he is acting or not?

gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 12:41 PM

 He sounds like a normal teenage boy. They don't know what they want.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 1:47 PM

My daughter had a somewhat similar situation with her ex-boyfriend.  He said he 'needed a break' but thought they might be able to get back together after some time had passed, and in the meantime he wanted to stay 'best friends.'  Everything was about him and on his terms. She eventually just cut him off.  Stopped responding to his text messages.  She was devastated when he first broke up with her but after about a week, she realized he wasn't good for her and she needed to move on.  So when he would text her 'hey' (this was how they always greeted each other via text while dating), she just didn't respond.  Once or twice he texted her an actual question and she responded courteously but short, sweet and to the point. When he tried to continue the text conversation she stopped responding. It has been six months since they broke up and now he just stares at her when he sees her at school.  Sometimes it is a neutral stare, sometimes seems curious, other times it is a definite glare (mostly when she is talking to/walking with other guys). He also glares at the boy she dated for a short time right after they broke up. If she is forced into a situation where she has to speak to him (he is an officer with the Honor Society she is a member of), she is polite but keeps it short.  But he is now leaving her alone and she is doing much better emotionally.  I am glad she was able to realize he wasn't the right guy for her; otherwise they might've gotten back together and he would've ended up hurting her even more. I think 'no contact' is the way to go in this situation.

stephs5isenough
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 1:51 PM

Thank You.

Quoting Niccalyn:

My daughter had a somewhat similar situation with her ex-boyfriend.  He said he 'needed a break' but thought they might be able to get back together after some time had passed, and in the meantime he wanted to stay 'best friends.'  Everything was about him and on his terms. She eventually just cut him off.  Stopped responding to his text messages.  She was devastated when he first broke up with her but after about a week, she realized he wasn't good for her and she needed to move on.  So when he would text her 'hey' (this was how they always greeted each other via text while dating), she just didn't respond.  Once or twice he texted her an actual question and she responded courteously but short, sweet and to the point. When he tried to continue the text conversation she stopped responding. It has been six months since they broke up and now he just stares at her when he sees her at school.  Sometimes it is a neutral stare, sometimes seems curious, other times it is a definite glare (mostly when she is talking to/walking with other guys). He also glares at the boy she dated for a short time right after they broke up. If she is forced into a situation where she has to speak to him (he is an officer with the Honor Society she is a member of), she is polite but keeps it short.  But he is now leaving her alone and she is doing much better emotionally.  I am glad she was able to realize he wasn't the right guy for her; otherwise they might've gotten back together and he would've ended up hurting her even more. I think 'no contact' is the way to go in this situation.


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

PurpleHazey
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 1:52 PM

 


Quoting gonecrazi:

 He sounds like a normal teenage boy. They don't know what they want.

This is very true

 

AnnaMess
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Their teens. They don't know what they want. Later he will be taking about 'no don't date them, I want you back.' 

02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 Sounds like he is still jealous but doesn't really want to be with her

stephs5isenough
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Yeah, I do agree with this.  I think he was finding it difficult to fool around with embarrassedher in the picture.  I just don't know how to get him to quit bothering her now and let her move on and I don't know if I need to be real nervous about the amount of control he seems to still be trying to keep.

Quoting 02nana07:

 Sounds like he is still jealous but doesn't really want to be with her


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:11 PM
2 moms liked this
You don't do anything, if she's d enough to date then she needs to figure it out. You can gently guide her, but it's her choice to make (except for abuse).

Honestly what you wrote is very typical boy/girl behavior. Maybe his parents felt things needed to slow down, maybe he panicked at how fast and well things were going. There are a ton if reasons as to why he did what he did, but haven't you done something and the regretted it?
2teens2LOs
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm with the one who said maybe his parents had something to do with it- why did he need to slow down, take a break for a month or so?  what happened to prompt that?  and why a month? kwim-

maybe he got grounded? lol as simple as that seems, he obviously has feelings for her and going through the mental stages of anguish over this breakup, sad, hurt, ok move on, but still wanting her back

maybe he is hoping she will come ask him back- maybe he was "testing" to see if she truly wanted to be with him

you just really never know, but in time if it is meant to be, it will be. :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)