Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WTH is all I can say. I don't even know how to handle this.

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM
  • 28 Replies

A couple of months ago, my nephew (whom I have custody of and has lived with me since he was 2) came to me and said that he was pan-sexual meaning he doesn't care if he is with a boy or girl, he likes people for their personality.  Well on Halloween, we sat down and talked and now he said that he wants to become a SHE!  And not just dress like a girl, he wants to go all the way an take the HRT (hormone replacement therapy) shots.   

Ok first off this kids doesn't resemble a girl at all, he nice hair but that is ALL.  He is broad, has horrible hygeine issues and has had the same girlfriend for a year.  I am just shocked and don't know how to handle what I am feeling or to help him.   He has been going to therapy and I thought it was was anger issues because he is bi-polar, ADD and has ODD.  He has always had emotional issues but this is just a bit much!! 

I told him that he needs to talk with his doctor but I made an appointment to meet with his doctor before he meets with him so I can warn him.

And NO I am not  troll, I just need some advice.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Kimberly on Nov. 4, 2013 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

How old is he?    I have no advice.  I would do what you are doing....make an appt. with his doctor and go from there..... likely to a psychiatrist.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 1:39 PM

He has been meeting with a psychatrist for most of his life but for the past 6 months he has actually wanted to go instead of me pushing him.  He is 17 and said that he has been living a lie for 10 years.  I am just hoping its a phase that he will outgrow and that he doesnt find a doctor that will give him the shots before he turns 18 or graduates high school.

by Emily on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I doubt a doc would start him on serious life altering medication without an adults permission.I would look into what all is involved ,look for doc's that specialize in this area .I'm sure with gender reassignment there will need to be a lot of specific psychological assessments before an ethical doctor will proceed.

Gather as much information as possible so you will understand ,know what is going on and continue to be supportive of your nephew.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Perhaps you now have the answer to all of the emotional and behavioral issues. Living in the wrong gender is a painful way to exist. You need to find a specialist in transgender issues who can appropriately evaluate your teen, determine if this is an appropriate diagnosis, and what the appropriate course of treatment (medical and psychological) should be.

Please remember that, above and beyond all, this is not about your beliefs, your sexuality, your comfort zone, your religion, etc. It can be a challenging process for the entire family.
by Grumpy on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:36 PM

 The only advice I have for you is that if he is a minor, the answer is no.  As a child, their bodies go through so many changes, their minds go through more.  Although he may feel that he wants this right now, 2 years down the road he may regret it.  This is not an overnight decision, and it is not to be taken lightly.  Hormones can change the body in ways he cannot imagine right now.  He needs to be able to do the research, and come up with a better reason than "pansexual".  I mean if you don't care if you are with a male or female what do you care that you're male?  And if you have a long term girlfriend, what happened?  Is this over a breakup?

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:51 PM

Thanks to everyone that has responded, I do appreciate it.  I agree, I think he is too young for this.    No, he is still together with his girlfriend, so I am not understanding that either, I aksed him if he wanted to be a lesbian and he said yeah I guess so.  He said his GF will accept any which way he is, she just wants him to be happy.    I thought the same thing HopesandDreams...that I finally have an answer to all his emotional problems but he is so wishy washy (I know being a teenager) that I was hoping this was just another one of his phases.  But he came at me armed with a lot of knowledge on the subject and for me I know nothing so I am trying to learn about it. 

by Susie on Nov. 4, 2013 at 3:05 PM
He needs to be at least 18 and go through extensive counseling first. This is not something they ever do in haste
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 5:16 PM

Is there any support groups out there for this?  You may want to look around and talk to people who have been in a similar position. 

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 6:30 PM
You have time. He can't start any of that now and as altmom said, it's a long process and doesn't happen overnight.

If he does decide to go that way, then decides to change his mind he can. The hormones are only good so long as he takes them. Surgery would be years down the road.

Just keep talking and listening.
by Barbara on Nov. 5, 2013 at 12:17 AM

I believe most doctors will not go through with anything drastic without extensive therapy first, so there will be time for everyone to process what he is going through.

I agree that he needs your support most of all now. Be there for him. Make sure he knows you love him and that will never change, no matter whatever changes he goes through in life.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)