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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Would you allow this - what advice would you give?

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 12:49 PM
  • 68 Replies

DD13 is a dancer and a very dedicated one at that.  Next year she is off to high school and has the option of going to a high school that offers a IAP (integrated arts program), or our district high school.  Now she needs to audition for the IAP school but we have been told that she will have no trouble getting in.  Issue is that the school with the IAP would require a 1 hour plus bus ride each way, and I would have to drop her off at a closed mall to catch the bus.

I am torn because in one way I know that she wants to dance as a career (own a studio), and attend Juilliard.  But in another way I know she is nervous about leaving her friends, and what happens if she does not fit in.

I need help to talk with her - I want her to make the decision but I am not sure I am 100% comfortable with the transportation and the amount of time she will spend getting to the school.

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 12:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
02nana07
by Ida on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:01 PM

 There is no way I would leave a girl at a closed mall to wait for a bus.  If I couldn't take her I wouldn't let that school be an option there are to many things that could go wrong.

highlandmum
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:10 PM

This is a major transfer hub for our city.  At any given time there are 3 buses at the transfer hub, plus the stores are closed but the mall is open (as is the coffee store) for the mall walkers.  I am not 100% comfortable with the situation, but I do know it is a busy area even at this time of the morning.  I am not sure what to do as I know what her dream is that this program has had quite a few students go on to Juilliard from it.

Quoting 02nana07:

 There is no way I would leave a girl at a closed mall to wait for a bus.  If I couldn't take her I wouldn't let that school be an option there are to many things that could go wrong.


02nana07
by Ida on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:58 PM

 can you not drive her if it that important to her

Quoting highlandmum:

This is a major transfer hub for our city.  At any given time there are 3 buses at the transfer hub, plus the stores are closed but the mall is open (as is the coffee store) for the mall walkers.  I am not 100% comfortable with the situation, but I do know it is a busy area even at this time of the morning.  I am not sure what to do as I know what her dream is that this program has had quite a few students go on to Juilliard from it.

Quoting 02nana07:

 There is no way I would leave a girl at a closed mall to wait for a bus.  If I couldn't take her I wouldn't let that school be an option there are to many things that could go wrong.


 

highlandmum
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:05 PM

No I cannot.  I start work at 7 am and the school does not open till 7:30 am.  DH cannot either because DS is only 8 and he needs to get to school.  I know the school does collect information for parents who need to or are able to carpool but that would not be until after she is accepted.

Quoting 02nana07:

 can you not drive her if it that important to her

Quoting highlandmum:

This is a major transfer hub for our city.  At any given time there are 3 buses at the transfer hub, plus the stores are closed but the mall is open (as is the coffee store) for the mall walkers.  I am not 100% comfortable with the situation, but I do know it is a busy area even at this time of the morning.  I am not sure what to do as I know what her dream is that this program has had quite a few students go on to Juilliard from it.

Quoting 02nana07:

 There is no way I would leave a girl at a closed mall to wait for a bus.  If I couldn't take her I wouldn't let that school be an option there are to many things that could go wrong.


 


atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I would. My SIL sent my nephew that he had to meet a buss like that too. Lots of kids get the bus at the strip mall.
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lakerfan420
by Jamie on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:19 PM
2 moms liked this
I'd personally feel better letting her go to the artsy school if my schedule allowed for me to at least be there when she caught the bus in the morning. If not, I'd take a few days off work that first week of school and at least make sure she's comfortable waiting for the bus and seeing for myself exactly what the clientele that's generally riding on a regular basis is like. I grew up in the greater LA area, and used public transportation a lot as a teen. And I'd take the bus to some pretty sketchy areas, and the bus drivers were generally very nice and protective, always asking where I was going and trying to discourage me from running the streets. Basically, I'd try to get a feel for what it's like, and then encourage the school that's going to be best for her future. As far as the bus ride, just make sure she has an ipod for the long ride and she might not even have much homework by the time she gets home. We moved right before my son's last year of elementary, which put him on a different bus route for that year. Most of our new neighbors attended the elementary school down the street, so he was the first pick up and the last drop off on his bus. This meant a 55 minute ride each way, but he'd play games in the morning and listen to music and start his homework on the way home. Most days, he had all of his homework done by the time he got home. In the end, as long as the pros outweighed the cons, I'd go with the other school.
kali_w2
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:20 PM

Mixed thoughts, and not enough detail to sway me either way.

Congrats on considering it and being open to her deciding.  And congrats to having a child that knows what she wants, and again for a child that seems willing to do what it takes to get it.  I bet Julliard and a dancing career will require many sacrifices that neither of you can imagine now (unless you were a dancer).

Your bias is showing through.  So the bus hub use to be a mall.  Every city & town I've been to recently has businesses that are closed now.   But it's not a dark alley...   And you don't say how long she'd wait for the bus.  But I suspect that's your protectiveness kicking in, which I admire.

My image of dancers are petite or even tiny.  My family is 'healthy' farm stock types.  I grew up doing farm chores, so I could take care of myself at 13 (but I wouldn't go into a big city by myself... still don't).    I wouldn't let a small girl 'alone' for over 2 hours a day.  Esp. at 13. 

Conversly;  A dancing school is a great opportunity / blessing for her.  And lots of people spend a lot of time commuting every day - most adapt and find way(s) to make the best of it.  

Is it possible for her to go to regular HS for a yr and then switch?  Is there any possibility she could car pool with another student/family?

I think she'd be much better finding out how good she really is - ie, how much potential she has - at the local school that at Julliard.

Try to see how realistic your fears are.   Share them with her.   Hear her out.   Then decide together.  Good luck to both of you.

Kali


Msgme
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:20 PM

My dd is in an art school  she's in the theatre program and  she  had to audition to get in.  She takes  the subway to and from school and its takes her an avg of 45 mins to an hour to get there every day.  She was the only student in her middle school to get in.   She's a sophomore now and she's never been happier and loves her school.

nkki954
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:24 PM

 I would encourage my dd to give it a try.

My dd is 13 (also starting high school next year). She has her heart set on attending a certain school because of the program they offer. she wants to be a pediatrician and this school is great for that, plus they offer scholarships to UF.

She will have to get up earlier than normal and will have to catch a bus, not for an hour, but quite a distance away.

Good luck to you 9and her) no matter what you decide.

highlandmum
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Let me see if I can answer some of your questions.  The Hub is a mall the mall is not closed for business - however most of the stores do not open until 9:30 am.  At that time you can still enter the mall and use the bank machines (bank opens at 8am) and the Tim Hortons (coffee shop), and the grocery store that is in the mall, also mall walkers are there at this time.  This is the largest mall in our city. 

As for a wait for the bus looking at the schedule for this year the bus comes at 7:10 am which would get her to the school at about 7:50 then there is one at 7:25 which would get her to the school at 8:05 am.

Unfortunately you cannot switch unless there is an opening and not many opt out in grade 10.  The program is limited to the number of students it takes each year in the following disciplines - Dance, Visual Arts, Music, Drama, and production.

Juilliard is a dream of her's that is her goal for when she graduates high school.  Her back up is a Univerisity in our area that allows offers a performing arts degree.

Quoting kali_w2:

Mixed thoughts, and not enough detail to sway me either way.

Congrats on considering it and being open to her deciding.  And congrats to having a child that knows what she wants, and again for a child that seems willing to do what it takes to get it.  I bet Julliard and a dancing career will require many sacrifices that neither of you can imagine now (unless you were a dancer).

Your bias is showing through.  So the bus hub use to be a mall.  Every city & town I've been to recently has businesses that are closed now.   But it's not a dark alley...   And you don't say how long she'd wait for the bus.  But I suspect that's your protectiveness kicking in, which I admire.

My image of dancers are petite or even tiny.  My family is 'healthy' farm stock types.  I grew up doing farm chores, so I could take care of myself at 13 (but I wouldn't go into a big city by myself... still don't).    I wouldn't let a small girl 'alone' for over 2 hours a day.  Esp. at 13. 

Conversly;  A dancing school is a great opportunity / blessing for her.  And lots of people spend a lot of time commuting every day - most adapt and find way(s) to make the best of it.  

Is it possible for her to go to regular HS for a yr and then switch?  Is there any possibility she could car pool with another student/family?

I think she'd be much better finding out how good she really is - ie, how much potential she has - at the local school that at Julliard.

Try to see how realistic your fears are.   Share them with her.   Hear her out.   Then decide together.  Good luck to both of you.

Kali



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