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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

ready to go APE s***

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:01 AM
  • 14 Replies
Here We go again. Ive posted on this Before. My dd 16 junior in highs school. Is failing miserably in eng and math. All bc she refuses to do her homework. This has been an on going battle for her for ever! Am i a bad Mom bc i truly want to say screw it?? let her fail. If she hasnt grasped the importance of doing her work by 11th grade she iant gonna get it. And nothing i do or say will makw the difference. The want to has to cone from with in herself. If it isnt there i cant put it there. Ive confiscated her ipad her phone her computer and Im ready to make her quit her part time job . But everything i think i second giess myself. Deal Was u get Good grades u can work. Well working for her has been a godsend. Its boosted her self esteem and made her realize the value of a dollar. Im afraid if i make her quit the fallout. She thinks shes goin to a four year college in two yrs.. I got news for her if she cant do her homework in hs i damn sure aint paying for her to go away to college!! I feel like a damn failure.
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tammyhunt11
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:05 AM

I have the same problem my with 16yo junior. So I have become so obnoxiously involved, emailing his teachers weekly to find missing assignments, having the teacher sign the printed emails I gave to my son after they spoke to him and made arragements for makeup work. My son was failing 4 classes for missing homework and he ended the term with 4 C's, 2 B's and an A. And he hates what I am doing so he assured me he will be on top of his game second term. I will check on him but I will see if my obnoxiousness paid off. Get SUPER involced. Teenagers hate that. And the teachers love super involved parents and tend to focus a little more time on him.

Tammygrey ribbon

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:31 AM
Let her know she is not going to college without good grades. Mine were grounded for missing homework. No friendsc ohone computer or after they got a car, their car.
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NobleStepMom
by Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:38 AM

We are strict with my SD15 as well on this, but let me tell you something...

My parents never gave a shit about my schooling - they really only cared about themselves, which is why I had my own apartment 3 times by the time I graduated.  I went to college when they were going through divorce and I ended up dropping out just a little past first semester.

Now - I am the owner of a successful business for almost 3 years, I am a licensed Realtor, and I am a freelance writer (went to school for journalism) for a local newspaper and I'm working on developing my own magazine to hopefully roll out in February - I am only 27.

Eventually, some of us clue in, despite the BS we went through in high school or the lack of attendance/homework completion & grades.  I try to teach my SD now that her grades in high school will follow her around for the rest of her life, but I don't think you truly comprehend that while you're in high school, I know I sure didn't.  I was the kind of student who skipped 35 classes each year but still passed and graduated.  Based on how I turned out despite how I was in high school, I'd say there is hope for your daughter - she may just be one of the people who has to learn the hard way!

Chin up lady, you're doing a great job but sometimes, at that age, it's out of your control.

precious54
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:50 AM

have teacher call or email you

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Sometimes they have to fall and then learn to pick themselves back up.

Sadly some kids have to learn the hard way.
jdrabbit01
by New Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

I agree with Tammy.  Get super invoved.  Your dd may get to a point where she'll just do it to get you off her back.  And once it becomes a habit, it will be easier for her to keep it up on her own.  She needs to learn to make it a habit now so when she gets to college it will continue.  She may resent being treated like a grade schooler, but her choices are be treated like you're 8 or act like you're a responsible 16 year old.  Once her grades improve, back off a little to show her she's earned your trust back. 

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:29 PM

My kids all really WANT to do well in school.  I'm not sure if that may be because I've always been very involved with their school work?  When they were in elementary school and even early Junior High, I helped them with/checked homework every single night, and then helped them review for tests.  I am still working with my 3rd grader in this way.  Maybe this reinforced to them how important it is to do well?  Aside from that, my two high schoolers (Junior and Freshman) are at a super-competitive public school and I suppose they are both competitive by nature so they MUST work hard if they want to keep up with their peers.  IDK, I guess I am just lucky?  But I definitely think getting heavily involved and communicating with teachers on a daily basis can't hurt!  Good luck!

drfink
by Emily on Nov. 8, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Let her keep her job but tie all privliges to homework.Explain it is her choice to do her homework or not but these are the consequences.Just like in real life there are consequences.

Have you gone on line and found the grade ,class rank matrix to the universities she is interested in going to ?You could right now figure out how much for college you will pay according to her class rank and grade point and let her know.

02nana07
by Ida on Nov. 9, 2013 at 12:58 AM

 I made my daughter take a paper the teacher wrote the assignments down or let my daughter then signed it every day.  My daughter brought it home and after the work was done and checked I signed it and sent it back.  I didn't think I would ever get her through school. 

She sent herself through college and did good since she was paying. 

 I would let her know she is on her on when it comes to college or put her on academic probation where you only pay if she passes she pays until the 1st grades come out then if she passes everything you pay for the next semester but if she fails she pays and do this until graduation.          

jcmaidens
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 5:05 AM

After reading the replies I feel like I definitely need to add some details. I am super invovled as it was. I checked her homework daily asking to see every assignment if she could not produce it I made her redo it, then she either leaves the redone at home. Or loses it?.. Really?. This shows my lack of get up and go. I was just like her in high school finished at the bottom of my class's. Not bc I was stupid or dumb just bc I had better things to do namely boys . I didn't grasp the imp till I was in my late twenties. Her do and I have discussed it. We are going to let her work and let her go screw it up but she now know college is completely off the table until she either proves she can handle it or pays for it herself. Simple as thAt.  Sigh .... They are gonna give me MORE grey hair. 

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