OK, advise on this please.
M dd is 17 and her boyfriend's mother "sherry" and my dd have been close for bout a year. So much so that my dd practically lived at her house last summer. She would come home and tell me all about the things she is going through, stuff that I believe that an adult should not be discussing with a child and also on how AWESOME of a woman she is.
Anyhoo...Recently my dd has been vocal to sherry about what she sees happening (outside looking in) in her home. For example: her 10yr old boy will push his 8yr old brother...he'll only lose computer for MAYBE 1day. If his 16yr old travis escorts his brother out of his room after telling them several times to get out, mom would ground him for a month, take his phone AND yell at him as if he just beat someone. Now, I have heard over the phone Travis talking calmly trying to explain what is going on, and his mother is the one getting in his face, interrupting and telling him that he is being disrespectful and bringing things up that he did in the past as well as demeaning him. Annie has brought up to her that it seems that travis is getting the short end of the stick and that she seems to jump to conclusions and reacts before finding out the truth....because travis is a "bad kid". But of course that means she's a "horrible mother". Annie claims she is not on either side, that she is neutral. That she sees both sides. I believe her. She believes that Sherry believes that she's always right.
When Sherry and I talk about travis, whether or not he is in earshot, she ONLY talks negatively about him. She has nothing good to say about him. Literally, she will tell you EVERYTHING that he has ever done wrong. She even talks to her 13yr dd about what he does wrong! If he opens his mouth...he's lying. When I try to make suggestions on how she could try different things, she blows me off, "done that, tried that, didnt't work. It's hopeless. Don't know what to do anymore". And my favorite, "you don't understand"...which I actually do. I am in a similar situation with one of my other dd's.
It is true that I don't know what travis and his mother has been through in the past. But from what I see now, it seems unfair. He seems to be trying to change. I do feel bad for this kid. I cannot imagine having a mom who talks to EVERYONE who will listen on everything that I have done wrong or hearing her talk to my siblings on why I am such a screw up, and/or how you cant trust me...even if I am in the room.
He and my dd have their issues and I feel she could do A LOT better because he IS little shit, but I don't think there is anything me or anyone can do to change how they feel about each other. I have accepted this. Besides, they will date regardless.
I know that NO KID acts the same around others as they act at home but Travis has been nothing but respectful to me. I gave him a job where I am a Manager and told him he has a lot to prove. He says, "I will and thank you for the job!." Here, I can watch him and since I do the schedules, I can make sure he works on weekends. I believe everyone deserves a chance ...er rather, a second chance.
Would you give this kid a the benefit of the doubt? What would you say to the mother? Any thought or suggestions would help.