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My son wants to leave college...not sure how to handle this...

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:58 AM
  • 24 Replies

My son is a first semester freshman at a college about 6 hours away from home. 

He had struggled a bit in HS and I was hesitant to let him go so far away...but he was adament that this was the place for him. 

He has been very bad at communicating while he has been away.  He has called home infrequently and has always told me that everything is fine. 

About two weeks ago he told me that he was feeling down.  (He has suffered from depression before. We had spoken about this issue many times before he went away and he had agreed to seek counseling if he started to feel bad.)  I reminded him to go to the couseling center and he said he would.  I followed-up with him a few days later and he said he was feeling better, but hadn't been to a counselor...I urged him again to go. 

This week he called me and told me that he wants to leave school.  He claims to be feeling fine, but has just realized that school is not for him right now.  He is willing to come home and get a job.  he wants to save money to do some traveling and consider going back to school at a later date.  On the one hand this seems reasonable, why waste the time and money if he is not going to do well and doesn't have any direction?  On the other hand, I don't really feel like he has given this his best shot and maybe I should try to force him to continue. 

Any moms out there who have been through this?  what did you do? 

 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dawncs
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Since there is about a month or less in the semester, encourage him to finish it. Remind him that he has to work if he comes home and pay rent. Do not let him get off without it.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 15, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Doesn't he have a few weeks left in the semester, tell him to finish. How bad are his grades? I quit college too so I know what it feels like. I lived at home but went 1 1/2 years. It was not for me. I did go back to school after marrying to a tech school. Loved it and got my Medical Assisting certificate.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

can he come home and go to a closer school, or a jr. college?  I agree that if he suffers from depression being home might be a good choice (AFTER THE SEMESTER IS OVER) but I hate the idea of him dropping out for a job.... what kind of job will he get with out an education?  Unlikely a job with a good future or one that will support him later in life.  I would REALLY encourage him to come home and STAY in school.

bizzeemom2717
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:36 PM
I agree with this absolutely

Quoting sahlady:

can he come home and go to a closer school, or a jr. college?  I agree that if he suffers from depression being home might be a good choice (AFTER THE SEMESTER IS OVER) but I hate the idea of him dropping out for a job.... what kind of job will he get with out an education?  Unlikely a job with a good future or one that will support him later in life.  I would REALLY encourage him to come home and STAY in school.

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karenb941
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this

thanks everyone...he does plan to finish the semester.  he figures that he will pass 3 out of 4 classes.  He spoke to an academic advisor (finally) and thinks he can get a medical withdrawal from the fourth class.  If he can pull that off he can leave school in good standing which will allow him to easily go back anytime. 

I'm hoping I can convince him to at least take a class or two at community college next semester. 

drfink
by Emily on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:14 PM

totally agree.He shouldn't give up on college simply because this one wasn't the correct for him.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree with this absolutely

Quoting sahlady:

can he come home and go to a closer school, or a jr. college?  I agree that if he suffers from depression being home might be a good choice (AFTER THE SEMESTER IS OVER) but I hate the idea of him dropping out for a job.... what kind of job will he get with out an education?  Unlikely a job with a good future or one that will support him later in life.  I would REALLY encourage him to come home and STAY in school.


mumsy2three
by Shauna on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:56 PM

I agree with this too.


Quoting drfink:

totally agree.He shouldn't give up on college simply because this one wasn't the correct for him.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree with this absolutely

Quoting sahlady:

can he come home and go to a closer school, or a jr. college?  I agree that if he suffers from depression being home might be a good choice (AFTER THE SEMESTER IS OVER) but I hate the idea of him dropping out for a job.... what kind of job will he get with out an education?  Unlikely a job with a good future or one that will support him later in life.  I would REALLY encourage him to come home and STAY in school.



luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 6:50 PM

I second all of this.

Quoting drfink:

totally agree.He shouldn't give up on college simply because this one wasn't the correct for him.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree with this absolutely

Quoting sahlady:

can he come home and go to a closer school, or a jr. college?  I agree that if he suffers from depression being home might be a good choice (AFTER THE SEMESTER IS OVER) but I hate the idea of him dropping out for a job.... what kind of job will he get with out an education?  Unlikely a job with a good future or one that will support him later in life.  I would REALLY encourage him to come home and STAY in school.



boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:03 PM

My son took the 3rd trimester off last year.   I was concerned that he would not go back... or lose his scholarship and grants.   He worked it out with his advisor.     It seemed to have helped him, as he went back this fall and is doing very well.  He said he needed the time to ponder what he wanted to gain from his education.    He does seem to be more focused.      He goes to a local University and lives at home, though.




suesues
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 7:49 AM

finish up come home for holidays encourage him to go to local school maybe take less credits or change major work part time. i would not allow him to quit yet he is  still ajusting maybe just home sick. 

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