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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Shoplifting and...

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM
  • 11 Replies
The largest flagship Target in the city of Chicago called last night to tell me DD was being held for shoplifting.

15 year old DD has been struggling with depression for over a year. This came out when it was discovered that she was cutting herself. She has been seeing a psychologist for a year and recently a psychiatrist has put her on Prozac.

From the outside se seems fine but I guess she is really suffering. There are two homes and both of is are re married. They are good homes and she honestly has it made. She is in one of the best public schools and continues to get straight A's.

I raced to Target. To find that she was trying to steal vodka, had marijuana, cigarettes and was doing this with her girlfriend which has now been confirmed to be her lover.

It also comes out that she has been lying about many, many things.

She is grounded until Christmas. No phone and monitored computer use.

I don't feel like I know my daughter any more.

Help.
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

hugs mama . Sorry I have zero experience in this. I would put an emergency call into her Pyschologist and get her in ASAP. Also you need to ask them what you should do ?

MOMMYSLOVE13
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:24 AM
My dd 14 is starting to act out now. I hope I never have to experience what you did. I wish your dd the best of luck and withgetting out of the mess she has gotten herself in and change.
jenny3344
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this
The only experience I have with this type of behavior is with myself, not my kids. I was a rebellious teen drinking, drugs, boys, staying out late, getting speeding tickets, cutting, ditching school, going wild. I'm sure my mom thought she didn't know me any more either. But inside me I was still the same naive, sweet kid that I used to be. I was just facing new situations with new friends. AlthoughiI came across as an arrogant brat I was really hurting inside. And I still wanted a hug anda kind word from mom to make me feel better. I ddidn't want to keep messing up. It made me sick inside. But I was confused and not myself. Now I'm 45 and looking back what I needed were
strong boundaries and rules spelled out to me with consequences if I broke the rules. I needed
unconditional love . If my kids mess up I'd become a real hard ass mom to straighten them out. I
didn't have all this when I was young so I just ran wild. I wouldn't ever give up on my kids and I'd
be there to catch them when they fall. Well this was my little story of rebellion and eventually I
straightened it all out. Today I'm well adjusted and a mom of 2. And I'm happy. Good luck with your
DD. Hugs.
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like she's really struggling.

I'm not sure what I would do here. I tend to be a hard ass with this kinda stuff, but I recognize that sometimes that isn't the right path to take. Talk with her doc, the meds may not be the right fit for her.

02nana07
by Ida on Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:44 AM

 maybe her depression is because she is gay and is afraid to come out

Barabell
by Barbara on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:40 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Sounds like she's really struggling.

I'm not sure what I would do here. I tend to be a hard ass with this kinda stuff, but I recognize that sometimes that isn't the right path to take. Talk with her doc, the meds may not be the right fit for her.

I agree with this.

Hugs.

drfink
by Emily on Nov. 17, 2013 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Talk to her doc to get tips on consequences .She needs consequences but she also needs help.My most successful clients had a combination of consequences of action and therapy.We also had success with a graduated reward system.Small rewards based on behaviors being met for a certain time.

Also write it all out .Behavior, consequences ,rewards etc.Make several copies.Sit down and review it with her ,discuss with her ,make sure she understands....which is NOT looking for her approval...post a copy on her closet door and keep yours put up.It can be helpful for teens to see things written down.

Good luck.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:28 PM

I think this is great advise

Quoting drfink:

Talk to her doc to get tips on consequences .She needs consequences but she also needs help.My most successful clients had a combination of consequences of action and therapy.We also had success with a graduated reward system.Small rewards based on behaviors being met for a certain time.

Also write it all out .Behavior, consequences ,rewards etc.Make several copies.Sit down and review it with her ,discuss with her ,make sure she understands....which is NOT looking for her approval...post a copy on her closet door and keep yours put up.It can be helpful for teens to see things written down.

Good luck.


createive
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM

All I can say is keep a really tight leash on her.

Today was s good day. I'm just trying to do damage control. I need her to keep her head screwed on. I don't need her hurting herself or leving the house. Best thing right now is that she is at my home and not with her dad.


Quoting MOMMYSLOVE13:

My dd 14 is starting to act out now. I hope I never have to experience what you did. I wish your dd the best of luck and withgetting out of the mess she has gotten herself in and change.



createive
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 6:33 PM

I don't think so. The depression is been going on for about 2 years and the gay seems to be a recent development. I think she is looking for acceptance any where she can get it and is looking to the wrong people.

Being gay is the least of the situation honestly. It was just tough to get all of this at one time. And also found out she had been taking other drugs as well. "too much info, mind blowing"

I grew up and live near one of Chicago's largest gay communitites. I've been exposed to alternative sexuality for as long as I can remember. I've even asked my DD if she thinks she likes boys or girls, just out of curiosity. I didnt get an answer. One concern is you can get STD's from a woman the girl didn't look like a newbie. I was also concerend they were experementing with objects that may not be designed to be used in the human body, I don't want her to damage herself. 

Thanks for your thoughts...


Quoting 02nana07:

 maybe her depression is because she is gay and is afraid to come out



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