For nearly 3 years now I've been having problems with my now 15 year old daughter. Problems are very poor grades, filthy smelly room and she has no respect or love for me what so ever. I am told shut up, leave me alone and get out of her room nearly daily and on two occasions "I hope you die". We are working with state provided counseling. They feel that part of her issues come from abandonment from her father. He's in her life when the spirit moves him, canceling on her often... and I recognize how hard this is for her (I've gone through it myself). The other part is that my daughter is money motivated.. meaning - if your spending money on her, and taking her places you're her BFF, if not then she has no use for you.
She told the counselor "I'm too cheerful in the morning", "I'm constantly on her about her grades" and "she shouldn't have to clean her room". She also told the counselor that she doesn't want to improve on our relationship and she can't stand the site of me. Counselor suggested this past Wednesday (for a couple week trial) not to wake her up for school and let her do it herself, close her door because her bedroom is her personal space so how she keeps it is up to her and don't ride her about her grades and allow her to improve them without my input. Counselor is coming back on Sunday.
When the counselor returns I'm going to tell them both that if my daughter cannot 1) apply herself in school to at least get passing grades, 2) keep her room tidy and 3) stop disrespecting me then she must find someplace else to live. I pay the @?%$#!! Rent and provide the necessities, if she can't give me those three things she's got to go. I feel that by this counselor telling me to do the things I listed above, she has pulled my parenting power away from me and that my child is now ruling the house.
Would love your opinion.