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I found out today that my 12 year old son is cutting.

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:27 PM
  • 16 Replies

I found out today that my son is cutting. I would love to talk to other Moms that have this problem with a child. I need to know how to talk to him and to help him through this. He had a girl break up with him about 5 to 6 monthes ago and he has not gotten over her as of yet. He has all the love and support at home but for some reason felt unable to talk to us about this so he has resorted to cutting himself. I NEED HELP!!!!

He does not want to talk to a counselor about this.

 

Thank you for and advice or comments,

 

Saradrowning in laundry

by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
db1au
by New Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:58 PM

My 12 year old was cutting as well.  We are doing family therapy.   Only gone a few times.  I don't have advice though.  Hope thing get better for your son.

vegasmom846
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:02 PM

Was your child agreeable to the counsling? My son does not want to do that and I am not sure that forcing him will do more help or harm...I am so confused and feel so lost right now all I want to do is cry and grab him up in a big hug and never let him go......

Thorlin
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:13 PM

My childs therapist suggested we pass back and forth a notebook to "talk" maybe he would do that as well? What about therapy for you so you have a professional to talk to and help you get through this tough time.

vegasmom846
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 I will try that suggestion of writing his feelings down. I think that I will need the help of a therapist so I do not make mistakes in trying to help him.

Thank you for your support!

Sara

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:21 PM
He needs counseling.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pamzies
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 10:49 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter recently went through a scary depression and considered cutting. She says she never cut, but I saw marks one time and she said the new puppy did it. I also found a type of cutting kit in her room. I took it, but never told her because I thought she would flip and start keeping secrets. She has been pretty open and honest with me her whole life, so we were able to talk about it. I tried very hard to not pass judgement. 

She started seeing a therapist and her psychiatrist put her on Prozac. Honestly, I think the Prozac made her worse. She also went to group therapy. SHe loved group. It made her feel like she wasn't all alone. However, it also introduced her to people who cope with their depression in harmful ways. It seemed to me that cutting became glorified.

Six months later, I decided to quit my job. Our insurance changed and I asked her if she wanted to find a new therapist or wean off the meds. She chose to wean off, and since then she's been doing well. It has been an uphill battle, and she still has some tough days. 

My advice: try your best to not be judgmental. Be open. Encourage him to write/ draw/paint/make a collage out of magazines to express himself. My daughter drew scary things, and was sent to the school counselor often. I would contact the school counselor and ask him /her to check on your son. Your school may have resources for you. I also encouraged her to do things like rip paper or go outside and scream instead of cut. It sounds silly. We ended up switching high schools too. 

Most of all, take care of yourself. I started seeing a therapist individually and it helped a lot. I read Reviving Ophelia, which is a great book about teenage girls. I have a book list if you are interested. I will type it up and post.

vegasmom846
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

 Thank you so much for sharing that with me and would love for you to post the book list. I am not judging him at all, being a child is hard enough without parental judgement. I thank God that he is also very open with me but I am feeling that I have failed him somehow. I think that is the hardest thing for me to come to terms with.

alwaysbelieve
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:23 AM

A few years ago, DD*now17* began cutting. 

I laid down a few rules: 1) She either slept in my room or with her sister 2) I could do random body checks 3) No phone. No computer 4) If she didn't want to talk to me, she needed to talk to someone.

We tried counseling. Not real sure if it helped. I read everything I could. I looked into residential camps. I discovered some of her friends were also cutting and eliminated her being able to be with them.

I had to try to understand. Everyone says "it's a cry for attention". Most times, it's not. It's pain they don't know how or can't express. They have a need to control that pain somehow & cutting makes them feel an external pain that they have control over.

She is better now but not until after another round with it 6 months into her recovery. Finally stopped after her older sister left for college. She finally confided in me her sister would treat her in a way that made her feel out of control and weak. 

Be strong and be there. I like the notebook idea as expressing feelings is so much harder for boys.

Hugs

OliviaW.
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:33 AM
My story is not about m6 child but my mil. She cuts. She is in therapy but I'm not sure it does much good. I also know that she's taking drugs but she continues to cut. She says that after she cuts herself that she feels better. It's the onlyway she knows how to deal with and control what she's going through. She started cutting about 3 years ago.
cybcm
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:48 AM
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I guess I'm coming from a different situation, I used to cut, okay I mostly burned and only cut on occasion, but in the end it's the same kettle of fish.
I ended up seeing a therapist for it, among other things and the combination of that plus the removal of the stressors in my life that were setting it off made a very big dfference in the way I coped with things. I won't say it's all been peachy since, it hasn't been, but I am in a much better place now than I was 25 odd years ago.

My advice is get him into counselling first and formost, it's much easier to open up to a stranger than it is to open up to your parents sometimes.

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