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What the hell is wrong with me?

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:27 AM
  • 30 Replies

 I am new here.

I am also in need of other mom's thoughts with teens.

My 16 year old son fell deeply in love for the first time this year. I didn't see it coming and didn't even consider it a possibility for him as the shy and introverted kid he is. So here we are...and I am not "liking" it all. I am not "liking" her either...and I hate saying that and can't believe that I feel like this but it is true...

I am waiting for time to die so that he might find someone else...but than again...

What an insane and new feeling I didn't see coming...

What the hell is wrong with me...?

by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 2, 2013 at 7:05 AM
2 moms liked this

Oh that dreaded puppy love, boys get stupid with those dam girls!  Girls seem to be smarter than the boys...good luck!

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 7:06 AM

You should talk to a professional. Your reaction to his dating is not normal.

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:03 AM
What don't you like about her? It is not like he is 12. He is old enough to have a girlfriend. I have a friend who has a son 13. She admits she will never like any girl who dates or marries her son. Are you one of those???
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mumsy2three
by Shauna on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Why don't you like the girlfriend?

Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 11:35 AM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like you're having a hard time letting go...this is another stage he's entering that brings him closer to being an adult and farther from being your little boy. You can talk to him about being with girls who treat him respectfully, he's a teen so he may or may not listen, but as a parent your job is to teach him the skills and tools to deal with life, and then let go and trust that you've taught them enough to be successful on their own.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:24 PM

It is hard to provide advice/insight without more information about why you don't like the girlfriend.  If you just don't like her because she is taking your son's attention away from YOU, then that is a problem you will need to deal with.  But if there are things about her that are screaming 'bad news' at you, then that is another thing altogether. Sometimes you just have a feeling about someone...that happened with my oldest DD's 'first love,' everyone thought he was the greatest guy ever but I always had a bad feeling about him.  It turned out I was right, and the hardest thing I ever had to do was let my daughter find that out for herself.  She was absolutely devastated but she learned a lot though the experience...it can be really hard to watch them fall, but sometimes you just have to let them make their own mistakes! 

drfink
by Emily on Dec. 2, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Is it dating or the girl you don't like ?

My third child had a gf I didn't like.At first I thought she was ok but then...she became all kinds of drama.After they broke up she shows up in front of our house at 2:30 a.m. on a school night, with the new bf ,stoned ,screaming she had cheated on my son with new bf and rubbing new bf.We called her mom.She has gone down hill since SMH.So sometimes not liking the gf is ok.We knew she was burning bridges so we just waited .We did buy new stuff for one of his hobbies ...rock wall climbing ...she did not like rock wall climbing ,enlarged the membership at the rock wall gym so friends could come very cheap. Hehe he spent more time with friends and at the gym than with her ,we didn't say a thing against her.

Like the girl he is dating now.

So is it the dating or the specific girl you don't like ?

GMMC
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hi Hanna...

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think I am having a hard time letting go. It was as though he went from 9 to 16 over night and I didn't see it coming. I had a good chuckle one time at the hair salon with him when I asked him what he was going to do, cut it off or keep growing it out. He said to me, that "gf likes it long" so that was that!

I recognize I am having a bit of a hard time with it all however there is "something" about her that I can't explain. I suppose I should be grateful that my son still shares some of the concerns he has with this relationship.

And yes...as a parent...I will need to stand off on the side lines and watch him fall if it comes to that.

Many asked...what is it that I don't like about her...she is very needy, too needy. I shared with my son recently that a healthy relationship should strive for balance. While he is fine to tend to her needs, I encouraged him to take care of himself and not to overload with her stuff.

Oh...heck...as one poster stated...maybe I am just going to be one of those freaky moms that will not like anyone they bring home...!

Time will tell. Thanks to everyone who replied, I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to vent it out some. It is a thought in process just like me!

Cheers!

 

 

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs:

It sounds like you're having a hard time letting go...this is another stage he's entering that brings him closer to being an adult and farther from being your little boy. You can talk to him about being with girls who treat him respectfully, he's a teen so he may or may not listen, but as a parent your job is to teach him the skills and tools to deal with life, and then let go and trust that you've taught them enough to be successful on their own.

 

GMMC
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 2:55 PM

 Thanks Niccalyn...

Your so, so right...

You know I used to be the "woman" in his life as stupid as that might sound. He was a mama's boy and well...yes now she is the main thing now.

Yes...watching them fall and make their own mistakes is very hard to observe but we know that so much good can really come from it...

Thanks again,

 

Quoting Niccalyn:

It is hard to provide advice/insight without more information about why you don't like the girlfriend.  If you just don't like her because she is taking your son's attention away from YOU, then that is a problem you will need to deal with.  But if there are things about her that are screaming 'bad news' at you, then that is another thing altogether. Sometimes you just have a feeling about someone...that happened with my oldest DD's 'first love,' everyone thought he was the greatest guy ever but I always had a bad feeling about him.  It turned out I was right, and the hardest thing I ever had to do was let my daughter find that out for herself.  She was absolutely devastated but she learned a lot though the experience...it can be really hard to watch them fall, but sometimes you just have to let them make their own mistakes! 

 

GMMC
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 3:01 PM

 Hi lucky...

Oh dear...I am pretty cool with not normal...and honestly...if I ran to a professional each time I had a not normal moment in my life well...there would be no point in leaving the professional's office...

So in the mean time if you don't mind...I will hang here and take stalk of some great moms with some great advice..

Is it not really normal...hhhhmmmm....I don't know...it is a thought that is for sure.....as I said in my post...I feel really embarrassed about feeling like this...Perhaps I should have tagged my post differently like, "I know what the hell is wrong with me but I can't help it and I feel somewhat stupid about it..."

Thanks anyway...

 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

You should talk to a professional. Your reaction to his dating is not normal.

 

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