Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My daughter wants to leave and move in with her dad - please help.

Posted by   + Show Post

For more than 3 years my now 15 year old daughter and I have had a difficult relationship.  Problems with failing grades, filthy room and EXTREME disrespect toward me (cursing, "hope you die", "shut up", "I never want to look at your face again".  Her father and I have been apart since she was 1 and he's a dad when its convenient (taking her when he feels like it which is a major reason why she is the way she is - cry for attention). 

I've tried therapy a couple times (and is currently seeing therapists).  She's happy and loving life until she's told NO, made to clean her room, made to do homework or when she wants something.  Prior to 3 years ago my financial situation was different (more money) now after just loosing my home in a short sale I'm trying to get myself together - the money doesn't flow now she really wants no part of me - she's money driven.

She's also jealous of my relationship of one year now to my fiance and uses that as a weapon telling her dad we ignore her, don't love her, don't feed her, keep her in the house and don't take her anywhere... any lie she can think of to get a rise out of him... well it finally worked...

She wants to live with her father and he wants to take her.  She's said she's wanted to live with him before but we work through it for a couple weeks and then it rears it's ugly head again the minute I don't give her what she wants.  I think this will be a big mistake moving her in the middle of a school year and basically showing her that she doesn't have to be accountable for her actions - not to mention he's never tried to be a father before allowing his personal life and love for the ladies to keep him from giving her the time she's cried for for so long - perhaps if he did we wouldn't be in this situation.

All of the issues with my daughter has contributed to high blood pressure, stomach issues, hives when things are heightened, hair loss - not to mention demotion from job due to poor performance because I let all this get to me. 

My heart says don't let her go and keep hoping one day it will change.  But my head says maybe this is the best thing for her and everyone involved.  Its hard to think of letting her go, because I feel I'll loose her forever - but if I don't let her go things will continue to get worse.  How do I let my little girl go?

by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Replies (11-18):
irishlass569
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:02 AM

 Well ladies at the end of the night last night, after calmly discussing things with my daughter, I made peace with the fact that she wants to leave and she called her dad.  And he did what I expected him to do when his bluff was called.... he folded.  Telling her he can't take her because "the school said" she can't be moved due to poor grades and she needs to finish out the school year there so "he'll" try to take her over the summer.  Instead of her walking away from that conversation with him pissed that he backed out, she is still on a high because she thinks she just has to wait till June.

I reminder her the rules still apply in my home - and now I have to take it day by day.

MrsBLB
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs to you.  I hope it all works out.  Please keep us posted.

Quoting irishlass569:

 Well ladies at the end of the night last night, after calmly discussing things with my daughter, I made peace with the fact that she wants to leave and she called her dad.  And he did what I expected him to do when his bluff was called.... he folded.  Telling her he can't take her because "the school said" she can't be moved due to poor grades and she needs to finish out the school year there so "he'll" try to take her over the summer.  Instead of her walking away from that conversation with him pissed that he backed out, she is still on a high because she thinks she just has to wait till June.

I reminder her the rules still apply in my home - and now I have to take it day by day.


02nana07
by Ida on Dec. 3, 2013 at 11:23 AM

 If it goes to court the judge will let her decide where she wants to live at her age.  Let her go but let her know the door is open if she wants to come back but the rules will be the same. 

I would tell her she is to leave certain items at your house for when she comes to visit.  Let dad buy her what she needs and wants.  Let him see how spoiled she is because on a daily basis is different than just having her whenever he feels like it.

When reality sets in she will realize he isn;t going to give her everything she wants and do all the things you do for her and she will want to come home so keep her room ready.

SAMI_JO
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 8:55 PM

 My ds wants to divorce me and his grandparents to be adopted by my aunt, who has less money than I do. Wouldn't last a week!

Basicrose
by Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this

My dd is the same except she is 17. she HATES my fiance because he is MY rock when i start waivering on discipline or when she starts to REALLY argue and get disrespectful towards me. Your fiance might be a cause of her irritation for the same reason. But i think its more hormones and the fact that she doesnt like the rules? Maybe there's something else bothering her? 

If she wants to live with a "convenient" father. Me? I might go ahead and consider it. Kids dont realize that the grass aint always greener on the other side. lol.  Maybe then dad will realize it aint all "your fault" and then your dd (depending on the rules) might realize...your not so bad.

Belovedmoonpixi
by Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I would let her go. Once they both see what it´s really like, they might beg you to take her back (and DD might actually even appreciate everything you do for her)...Now, this is the worst case scenario... best case scenario is they will be great for each other, DD will correct her behaviour and he will become responsible! (Sadly, I don´t think that will happen, though)

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Dec. 4, 2013 at 9:07 AM
It maybe be best to let her go.
zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Let her go, seriously.  She will learn quickly enough that the grass isn't always greener.  She is old enough to be held accountable for her own mistakes.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN