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dd and sex

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 12:14 PM
  • 23 Replies

 my dd informed me yesterday that if she wants to have sex...she will have sex.

She is on the pill FOR this reason. I KNOW she is sexually active but its the THOUGHT of her having sex, that is the problem for me.

If i KNOW she is having sex. I am kinda fine with it but at the same time it angers me because she is a teenager going off of her hormones instead of her head. They believe they WONT get pregnant bc she is on the pill and they use a condom.

they are not having sex in their perspective at (at least anymore that i know of), but they ARE finding other places like the laundry room of our apartment(i caught them IN THE ACT last night).... i dont know of any other place. i am not gonna tell the other mother just yet.

I want to ground both to be away from each other for a long time. I want to tear him apart. Ugh!

There is already trust issues between and dd and also her bf. Any thoughts/ideas/comments/incouragement from anyone out there?

by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mickshelle15
by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this

First off - you're 'fine with it?' Explain that. 

Secondly, you 'caught them in the act last night?'

Did you discipline them? Regardless of her age, she needs to be disciplined - whichever way you discipline (or if you even do!) It's NOT okay for her to have sex because she's only a teenager.

And lastly, you're 'not gonna tell the other mother yet?'

I don't think your DD is the problem here. I think you're the problem.


Youi're the adult, you're the mother. You're the disciplinarian. You need to put on your big girl pants and handle her!

She's lucky she ain't my daughter. I'd knock her clear across the room.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly she is right. If they want to have sex they will find a way.

However, that doesn't mean you make it easy for them.

Had I caught my DD having sex in public where others could have walked up on them (and possibly filed charges). Her ass would be grounded and not allowed to leave the house unchaperoned, and yes, I've done that and it was for thinking she could date before she was allowed to. 

I'd also be telling his mom. 

I don't think there is a parent out there who likes the thought of their child having sex. Just like there probably isn't a child out there who like the thought of their parents having sex. You just have to let that thought go, and do what you can to make sure she is protected, that she understands the risk, and again...you don't give them many oppurtunities to be having it.

Basicrose
by Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 10:20 AM

"fine with that"---- its not that i am fine with it, its that i KNOW she is. If she finds a way without me knowing, I cant stop what i dont know. That doesnt mean i make it available or easy for her. I actually had a feeling she they were (in the laundryroom, i mean). Now that I know for sure, I have changed a few rules that she has expressed she doesnt like....  oh well.

His mother considereds her son NO GOOD. When she talks about him...its ALL NEGATIVE. Not ONE THING is positive!! I havent seen the behaviors/attitudes that she claims there are, and yes, i know kids dont act the same around others as they do around their family so you dont have to tell me. Anyways, I dont see these attitudes/behaviors from him.  I am trying to be the positive for him and support him. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and I dont want his mother to have something else to bitch about.

I dont trust neither of them. I DONT think he is good enough for my dd, she is aware of how i feel so i dont have to continue to put the relationship down. I'd rather SEEM like i support it then her going behind my back.

I hope i answered your questions/statements.

Quoting Mickshelle15:

First off - you're 'fine with it?' Explain that. 

Secondly, you 'caught them in the act last night?'

Did you discipline them? Regardless of her age, she needs to be disciplined - whichever way you discipline (or if you even do!) It's NOT okay for her to have sex because she's only a teenager.

And lastly, you're 'not gonna tell the other mother yet?'

I don't think your DD is the problem here. I think you're the problem.

 

Youi're the adult, you're the mother. You're the disciplinarian. You need to put on your big girl pants and handle her!

She's lucky she ain't my daughter. I'd knock her clear across the room.

 

Basicrose
by Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 10:23 AM

 First off, thank you for not bashing me. secondly, I did answer your thoughts with the other respondant

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Honestly she is right. If they want to have sex they will find a way.

However, that doesn't mean you make it easy for them.

Had I caught my DD having sex in public where others could have walked up on them (and possibly filed charges). Her ass would be grounded and not allowed to leave the house unchaperoned, and yes, I've done that and it was for thinking she could date before she was allowed to. 

I'd also be telling his mom. 

I don't think there is a parent out there who likes the thought of their child having sex. Just like there probably isn't a child out there who like the thought of their parents having sex. You just have to let that thought go, and do what you can to make sure she is protected, that she understands the risk, and again...you don't give them many oppurtunities to be having it.

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 6, 2013 at 10:44 AM
Ewwww, in the laundry? Wow, they are determined. I would make sure they are never alone when with me. Talk to his parents.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I'm kinda having similar issues with my dd.  She will be 17 this month and had sex for the first time last Feb. with her then BF of 6 months. She was crazy about him and when he dumped her 6 weeks later, she was devastated and said she's 'never having sex again unless she's been with the guy for at least a year.' However, I caught her making out with a guy friend last week, and last night there were innuendo-laden facebook messages with a boy she's known SINCE BIRTH that she is planning to see over the holidays. I don't think she's had sex with anyone else yet, but I'm very worried it is imminent--and not even with a boyfriend, with someone she's just friends with!  She is a very good girl in all other respects--good grades, honor society, no drugs, no alcohol, doesn't go to crazy parties, etc.  Sex seems to be her vice...and I don't really know what more I can do. I feel like I've talked about this until I'm blue in the face, she always agrees with everything I say, and she KNOWS how painful it is to give up that part of herself and then be rejected, and yet she seems to be going down that road anyway. If I try to restrict her activities it will probably just drive her to sneak around. It is so, so hard to watch!  So, although I don't really have any advice for you, I do feel your pain--I will keep watching this thread to see if anyone else has words of wisdom.

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 6, 2013 at 12:50 PM

How old is she?

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 6, 2013 at 12:53 PM

I think a parent should make it as hard as possible for their kids to spend alone time with their boy/girl friend, I say put the fear in them.

8chickens
by Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 12:53 PM

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 6, 2013 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Not all teens. So much better to wait. Teens cannot handle it. Most can't anyway and have regrets.

Quoting 8chickens:

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 

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