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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

 my dd informed me yesterday that if she wants to have sex...she will have sex.

She is on the pill FOR this reason. I KNOW she is sexually active but its the THOUGHT of her having sex, that is the problem for me.

If i KNOW she is having sex. I am kinda fine with it but at the same time it angers me because she is a teenager going off of her hormones instead of her head. They believe they WONT get pregnant bc she is on the pill and they use a condom.

they are not having sex in their perspective at (at least anymore that i know of), but they ARE finding other places like the laundry room of our apartment(i caught them IN THE ACT last night).... i dont know of any other place. i am not gonna tell the other mother just yet.

I want to ground both to be away from each other for a long time. I want to tear him apart. Ugh!

There is already trust issues between and dd and also her bf. Any thoughts/ideas/comments/incouragement from anyone out there?

by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 12:14 PM
Replies (11-20):
drfink
by Emily on Dec. 6, 2013 at 1:31 PM

I agree with lucky.Recognizing reality does not mean happy with the situation. B.C. and I know all you can do is talk but condoms are a MUST .Right now being responsible with their sexuality need to be drilled in and that includes no laundry rooms or public places EVER. Remind them they have no right to embarrass others because they want to have sex.

Good luck.

Quoting Basicrose:

 First off, thank you for not bashing me. secondly, I did answer your thoughts with the other respondant

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Honestly she is right. If they want to have sex they will find a way.

However, that doesn't mean you make it easy for them.

Had I caught my DD having sex in public where others could have walked up on them (and possibly filed charges). Her ass would be grounded and not allowed to leave the house unchaperoned, and yes, I've done that and it was for thinking she could date before she was allowed to. 

I'd also be telling his mom. 

I don't think there is a parent out there who likes the thought of their child having sex. Just like there probably isn't a child out there who like the thought of their parents having sex. You just have to let that thought go, and do what you can to make sure she is protected, that she understands the risk, and again...you don't give them many oppurtunities to be having it.



8chickens
by Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 2:08 PM


Quoting atlmom2: Not all teens. So much better to wait. Teens cannot handle it. Most can't anyway and have regrets.

Quoting 8chickens:

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 


8chickens
by Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 2:12 PM

I'm not saying all teens but a  very large percentage 70+% are sexually active by their senior year.  There sex lives as ours are private matters between partners. Parents have a hard time realizing their son's/daughters as humans are sexual beings. I also agree with a previous post they do not  like to think of parnets being sexually active anymore than we do of them.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry - but until they are 18; their business is MY business. I am legally responsible for anything they do - and if that's the case, then I'm sure as hell entitled to make sure that for them to have sex is very difficult to achieve. I will provide birth control so to avoid pregnancy or STD's that occour through thier "need" to have sex - but I will not condone it by providing a place/time for them to have sex. Oh and for the record - (I'm australian so it may not be the same survey's) I've read that teen sex is actually on the DEcrease and that a lot of people by senior year are still virgins - my daughter is 22 and is still a virgin.

Quoting 8chickens:

I'm not saying all teens but a  very large percentage 70+% are sexually active by their senior year.  There sex lives as ours are private matters between partners. Parents have a hard time realizing their son's/daughters as humans are sexual beings. I also agree with a previous post they do not  like to think of parnets being sexually active anymore than we do of them.


chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:42 PM

 How old is she? I guess I would remind her how precious her body is and that SEX does not equal love. :(  I had issues with this as a teen I honestly thought if they wanted sex with me they loved me. Good luck

stormy0142
by on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:46 PM
I'm sorry I didn't have sex as a teen so I must be abnormal. Plenty of my friends didn't have sex as a teen. Way to set the bar so low for your kids. At least you won't be disappointed.

Quoting 8chickens:

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 6, 2013 at 9:08 PM
Me too. Me dh and my girls are all abnormal.

Quoting stormy0142: I'm sorry I didn't have sex as a teen so I must be abnormal. Plenty of my friends didn't have sex as a teen. Way to set the bar so low for your kids. At least you won't be disappointed.



Quoting 8chickens:

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stormy0142
by on Dec. 6, 2013 at 9:11 PM
I find it so disgusting that parents expect teenagers have sex. There is this amazing thing called self control. B7t then again I am learning a lit of parents don't hold their kids accountable for their actions. So sad.

Quoting atlmom2: Me too. Me dh and my girls are all abnormal.



Quoting stormy0142: I'm sorry I didn't have sex as a teen so I must be abnormal. Plenty of my friends didn't have sex as a teen. Way to set the bar so low for your kids. At least you won't be disappointed.





Quoting 8chickens:

I have 3 daughters and 1 son, teens have sex and it is not abnormal or wrong it is just natural. It is good she is using protection many do not, using 2 mothods she should be commended. I have found the best approach is to insure they are well informed on std's and contraceptives. We have even kept a packet of Plan B available just in case. If you try to interfere in older teens relationships you tend to create an us vs them scenerio that will just push the young couple even closer.  It is just a part of being human and young people have and always will be sexually active even though it's hard for parents to look at their young adults as human beings. I would tell her and her boyfriend sex in public places is never a good idea, it is meant to be private. Realize your daughter is not a child but a young woman who you have little time left to forge an adult relationship with before she strikes off on her own.


 

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Dec. 10, 2013 at 3:54 AM
2 moms liked this
This mother is reaching out for help...she's trying. Agree with ONE thing you said glad her daughter isn't your daughter NO KID EVER deserves to be "knocked across the room". I guess I've been on this board too long but I'm so over that kind of physical tough mom crap whether its real or damn I pray just to make a point. ANYONE knocking their kid around is abusive and then getting on an arrogant high horse in response to a mother asking for help with a straight up ignorant comment like yours, I'm sorry just so damn over it. Talk to your kids for goodness sake no "knocking around" wth?

Quoting Mickshelle15:

First off - you're 'fine with it?' Explain that. 

Secondly, you 'caught them in the act last night?'

Did you discipline them? Regardless of her age, she needs to be disciplined - whichever way you discipline (or if you even do!) It's NOT okay for her to have sex because she's only a teenager.

And lastly, you're 'not gonna tell the other mother yet?'

I don't think your DD is the problem here. I think you're the problem.


Youi're the adult, you're the mother. You're the disciplinarian. You need to put on your big girl pants and handle her!

She's lucky she ain't my daughter. I'd knock her clear across the room.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mickshelle15
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Well it's a good thing I could care less what you say.

'Knock my kid clear across the room' - It was something said metaphorically. If I had knocked my kid clear accross the room, she'd be in the hospital and hopefully, I'd be arrested for child abuse.

Geeze, Louise. Calm down.

Quoting bizzeemom2717: This mother is reaching out for help...she's trying. Agree with ONE thing you said glad her daughter isn't your daughter NO KID EVER deserves to be "knocked across the room". I guess I've been on this board too long but I'm so over that kind of physical tough mom crap whether its real or damn I pray just to make a point. ANYONE knocking their kid around is abusive and then getting on an arrogant high horse in response to a mother asking for help with a straight up ignorant comment like yours, I'm sorry just so damn over it. Talk to your kids for goodness sake no "knocking around" wth?

Quoting Mickshelle15:

First off - you're 'fine with it?' Explain that. 

Secondly, you 'caught them in the act last night?'

Did you discipline them? Regardless of her age, she needs to be disciplined - whichever way you discipline (or if you even do!) It's NOT okay for her to have sex because she's only a teenager.

And lastly, you're 'not gonna tell the other mother yet?'

I don't think your DD is the problem here. I think you're the problem.


Youi're the adult, you're the mother. You're the disciplinarian. You need to put on your big girl pants and handle her!

She's lucky she ain't my daughter. I'd knock her clear across the room.


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