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Advice Needed: What to do with 13 year old verbally abusive girl?

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2013 at 11:28 PM
  • 13 Replies

How do you get a 13 year old girl to stop being verbally abusive to everyone to stop the abusive ways? She is also threatening to commit suicide once she is 16. If she does not get her way, she tells her mom that she hates her and wishes to live with her dad. How do we stop this behavior?

by on Dec. 7, 2013 at 11:28 PM
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by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 12:09 AM
Im sorry :( Try councling. Another suggestion would be document the threats or physical abuse either urself or with her doctor. My bf has a three yr old little girl & she self harms (pulls hair, slaps herself) its down right shocking and when i did tell my bf & his parents (his mom is who watches her for him every time he has his custody time with his daughter) there response is: oh we've seen her do that before. :O like really? Wtf is wrong with u ppl (them not u lol) So in talkin to my close friends there advice is document cause one day someone along the way will investigate. So for ur SD's sake document or councling to get her help. Cause thats what i plan on doing..
by New Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 6:18 AM
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most teens who talk on this level of attitude only wants their way and wants control over everything.  I don't think she really going to do this.  But if you are truly concern, like i would be because my 13 year old started taking pills that was not for her, i would take her and seek psycological help to ensure she does not do anything harmful to herself as well as other family members.  Scare the crap out of her and see if she really mean it.  Usually they want full attention on them.  When my child's doctor told them they can lock her away in the hospital, she stopped it.  You have to always stay ahead of these kids, they think they suppose to have full control.  Boy it can be very challenging raising teenagers.  Stay encouraged, and be blessed.  God loves you.hugsgood luck

by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 7:52 AM

Take her to a dr she needs professional help

by Shauna on Dec. 8, 2013 at 8:23 AM

I agree with taking her to a counselor/therapist so she can discuss the suicide threats as well as learning appropriate ways to communicate with others. Don't reward the verbal abuse by giving in to her demands. I would ask her to restate whatever she says, repeatedly if necessary, until she communicates in an appropriate, respectful manner.

by Susie on Dec. 8, 2013 at 8:55 AM
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She needs discipline and counseling.
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by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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A threat to commit suicide in 3 years is nothing but begging for attention.  It sounds like the girl has been bounced from house to house.  First step would be a councelor at school.

Can you talk to the mom?  And agree on how to treat her?  That'd be a big help.  Is Dad going to support what you decide to do?

My house has some definite rules with definite consequences.  No one is allowed to talk abusive - esp to me.  First is a time out, second is time out outside.  Keep it up and lose TV, phone, music, etc.  Appology is requried to get each back.

Decide on your rules and consequences.  Tell her in no uncertain terms - maybe write them out.  Then be consistant with them.  Also keep communicating and acknowledge every day she follows the rules.

Do you do her laundry?  That means you control what she can wear.  Do you cook for her? You control what she can eat.   Does she sleep there, you control where...

Hard to say from such little info, but if a kid told me they were gonna do suicide in 3 yrs, I'd say something like "Who gets your phone then" as matter-of-factly as I could.  Make it sound like you accept her threat like a weather forecast.  And say it everytime.

by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Yikes.  I have a girl who won't be actually 13 til Wed. but she was caught writing a new suicide note durring our church service todayShe told me it was one of three on her ipod. My dh saw her with the ipod, but she wasn't sitting near me or him and he couldn't bring himself to go take it away in the middle of the sermon. There seems to be no reasoning with them at this age, but talking is the only tool I personally have, that's my game plan.  I'll say prayers for your situation.

by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:03 AM

 I take it this is your SD since you are talking about her mom so whatever steps are taken to help her will have to come from her parents there isn't much you can do to get her the help she needs.

I would let her live with dad if it is a stable enviroment and he is willing to get her the help she needs

by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:33 AM
Get her into see a phychiatrist asap. Also a coucelor, but the phychiatrist right away. Suicidal thoughts and threats are nothing to mess around with. Talk with love and understanding . There is an underlining issue. I hope everything gets better, it is tough being a teen these days. She will probably need the coucelor for awhile, but stick with it, you might have to weed through them to find one she getsalong with. We went through 4 before we found one my daughter loves! ( she sees her for anxiety) and has for 3 years. But the abuse and suicidal thoughts need to be addressed quickly. Lots of love. Patience. Sounds like she is hurting. That is my advice, take care :-)
by Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:34 PM


I have a 14 yr old daughter who can be verbally abusive, and who also has threatned suicide. My daughter has anxiety, and so this is what is fueling her occsional nasty/threatening behavior. I would have your 13 yr old evaluated for anxiety, or any other mental illness, as certain mental illnesses can cause lots of nasty behavior/verbal abuse and cause threats of suicide, too. (My DD is on 2 medications, and is under the care of an awesome psychaitrist and a good psychologist, so she is more stable now. She still has rough moments, but is better than before) Also, my DD can be manipulative, and "threaten" suicide to try and get us to give in to her demands, or ease up on discipline we give her. This is common in teen girls, espcially if they have anxiety. Luckily for us, we can totally tell when the threats are "fake" and are done in order to get her way. (But, I keep telling my DD that she needs to stop doing this, as one day she may be thretening to really hurt herslef, and it may 'seem" like she is just trying to get her way, and she will be ignored instead of being helped. She should not "cry wolf" too much".)

Please feel free to message me back if you think I can be of any help to you.


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