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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What influences a teen's likelihood of becoming sexually active?

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 3:55 PM
  • 17 Replies

I've been reading on this site recently several questions related to teen sexual activity, and as a mom of two teen girls myself, this is something I am constantly concerned about.  It seems some moms accept sexual exploration on the part of their teens as a normal part of growing up, being more concerned about making sure they are safe and protected; while others are aghast at the mere thought.  This leads me to believe that some of us became sexually active as teens ourselves, while others were able to hold off until we were older.  I know media and our overly-sexualized culture plays a big role, but what are the other variables?  For example, as adults, we know that each of us has a different 'drive' in that regard...some want sex every day, and for others once a week or even once a month is enough.  Is it reasonable to believe that our teens may also have unique and variable 'drives,' and that those with very high 'drives' might have a more difficult time 'holding out'?  Also, how much do teens' peers influece their propensity to engage in sexual activity?  If a teen hangs out with a brainy, nerdy, or ultra-religious 'good' crowd, are they less likely to become sexually active than if they are hanging out with more of a 'wild' crowd?  What else do you think might affect this?  Just curious to see what all your thoughts are--thanks!

by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 3:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:00 PM
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I think it is the luck of the draw. 75% are gonna be sexually active by 17. I lucked out. Mine were in the 25% to wait till after hs. My girls tell me 2 things. The thought of a baby made them wait and just wanting to wait and not just giving that first time to someone who wasn't that special.
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Pnukey
by Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:19 PM

I have a high sex drive, but I held out for DH, whom I married in college. In HS, my group (band) was rather free sexually. I did not participate.

I think it's mind over matter. I didn't want all the problems that seemed to come with teenage sex, so I skipped all that nonsense.

PLUS, I am special enough to not jump into the sack with whomever asked.  Who would be left with all the problems? THE GIRL. No thanks!

OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM

I think that teens whose parents do not have open minded discussions with their kids are more likely to be sexually active.  Education and open communication between parents and their teens are the best way to ensure their teens make good choices.  It doesn't matter what peer group the teen is in. Sexually active teens are in all different activities and interests.

Mommy4000
by Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Not being educated about sex. Having an unstable home life. Not being talked to in an appropriate manner about sex. Searching for attention or love they might not be getting at home. Or, as simple as, they are having sexual feelings, and either don't want to control their impulses, or can't.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I just have to say that religion doesn't really stop those who want to have sex, and for those that do hold out they are getting married at 18. This is just my observation for my area.

As for everything else I do think some if it is luck, some of it is hormones and sometimes it's peer pressure, and for every individual it will be different.
cybcm
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I think what influences an individual is an individual thing.

I grew up in an ultra-religious area, lots of church, lots of religious friends, lots of abstinence only education, I was sexually active at 14. For me, the forbidden nature of it was all the influence I needed. Hey, if it's so forbidden then it must be the best thing ever, right? For others that may not be the case.

My kids were raised in a very different, open environment, I know my older two are sexually active (well, the oldest is married, but I know she was sexually active beforehand) I don't believe that they are searching for love or anything like that, I think rarely is that the reason why people who are phsyically, and hormonally capable of sex have sex and rather a peculiar societal reasoning relating to outdated notions that sex always = love. But what i do know is that they are much smarter about it than I was, and my overall goal is for them not to make the ridiculous mistakes I did.

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 9:23 PM
I think that a good home life, a good spiritual life, and self respect will keep kids celebate longer.
highlandmum
by Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 10:06 PM

I will tell you what it was for me.  I had a great home life, and I could come to my parents about anything.  I also had a very close group of friends with similar values.  I however fell for the wrong guy, he was able to gain control over me.  He was the type of guy that every girl wanted to be with, and he knew I loves that others wanted to be me.  He used this to manipulate me into sleeping with him.  I do wish I had done things a bit differently and told him to get lost, but at the time I was afraid he would break up with me.

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 10, 2013 at 10:14 PM
I told my girls don't fall for the crap "if you love me you will". If they really loved them they wouldn't care and pressure them. My 19 almost 20 yo is a virgin and has the same boyfriend for 2 1/2 years.

Quoting highlandmum:

I will tell you what it was for me.  I had a great home life, and I could come to my parents about anything.  I also had a very close group of friends with similar values.  I however fell for the wrong guy, he was able to gain control over me.  He was the type of guy that every girl wanted to be with, and he knew I loves that others wanted to be me.  He used this to manipulate me into sleeping with him.  I do wish I had done things a bit differently and told him to get lost, but at the time I was afraid he would break up with me.

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highlandmum
by Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 10:35 PM

It was not just that.  I was bullied in public school so in high school (after we moved cities) I finally fit in.  He never said that he would break up with me, but I thought he would.  Strange thing was he never pressured me into it.

We were together 3-1/2 years.  

Quoting atlmom2: I told my girls don't fall for the crap "if you love me you will". If they really loved them they wouldn't care and pressure them. My 19 almost 20 yo is a virgin and has the same boyfriend for 2 1/2 years.

Quoting highlandmum:

I will tell you what it was for me.  I had a great home life, and I could come to my parents about anything.  I also had a very close group of friends with similar values.  I however fell for the wrong guy, he was able to gain control over me.  He was the type of guy that every girl wanted to be with, and he knew I loves that others wanted to be me.  He used this to manipulate me into sleeping with him.  I do wish I had done things a bit differently and told him to get lost, but at the time I was afraid he would break up with me.


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