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14 yr old DD (with ADHD) lost her THIRD coat.

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:23 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hi,

I am not sure what to do here. To give you some background, my 14 year old DD has a pretty severe case of ADHD. (She also has severe anxiety, and can not take any ADHD medications as they all make her anxiety worse.Her anxiety is so severe that she was hospitilized for a week in October, and then had to go to an outpatient hospital program for a month, and ended up missing 5 weeks of school) So, to get to my "problem". My DD has always been bad about keeping track of things. But, this school year has been especailly bad. She lost her 140.00 North Face jacket. (It had her name/ph# in it, but we never had it returned to us.) I then replaced this with a 4.99 coat from Goodwill, and within a week my DD lost this coat, too. Then, I had her wear her old coat, which is really way too small on her. (I refused to get her another coat.) Now this coat is missing, too, and it's all of 11 degrees where we live. So, we had to go to Goodwill today and got our FOURTH coat, for 9.00.

I figured my DD's punishment is that she does not get a nice coat to replace the lost North Face one, and that has has to wear a used, second hand coat.(For the record, I think there is nothing wrong with second hand clothes. However, my teenager hates this, as she thinks it's not "cool" to wear used clothes)  But, since she has now lost her THIRD coat in two months, I think some sort of reprimand./punishment should be given to her. Part of me feels that she has been thru so much this fall, being in the hospital for 5 weeks, that I hate to be too harsh on her. However, being ill or having ADHD does not make it ok to be irresponsible and loose THREE coats.

I would appreciate any suggestions/feedback.

 

Thanks,

JoJo

.

by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:23 PM
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Replies (1-9):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:08 PM
I would not buy her a new one. Se can work around the house for money for a new one.
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JoEllyn1962
by Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:20 PM

Hi atlmom2-

Thanks for the reply. I agree, she is NOT getting a new coat. She can earn $ or use her x-mas $ to buy one. In the meantime, she is wearing second hand coats, which she really, really dislikes. I was wondering, though, if there should be an additional punishment for losing 3 coats? (Grounded, phone taken away, etc.)

Thanks,

 

JoJo

Momofmenagerie
by Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:37 PM
I wouldn't do anymore discipline than what 'a been suggested .

If she keeps up with assignments with an agenda, AND IT WORKS for her, then I'd write COAT! And highlight it everyday.

Other than that, what 'a been suggested is all you can do. I mean, what? You take her phone away or laptop privileges, she won't remember that until she 's home and it 's too late to remember it then and it's gone anyway.

Does school have a lost/ found? My son was afraid to go ask to look until the third coat and I made him go in, introduced him to office staff so he 'd ACTUALLY go look for the stupid things!

It is frustrating, I'm sorry.... But thrift store coats are fine, I can't see extra punishment helping, all you can do is make her cold and our conscience won't let us do that.

( oh, make sure she isn't losing unwanted coats on purpose as I can see that happening, and I would be soooo angry at that!)
drfink
by Emily on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:51 PM

I agree that more punishment isn't really what is needed.If she isn't truly defiant about losing the coats then helping her keep up is the key.I would suggest let her pay for her coats from Goodwill ,not just her new coat.

I really like Momofmenagarie's idea about her agenda.Find something she is successful in remembering and follow that example with her coat.

Good luck.

Good luck.

02nana07
by Ida on Dec. 12, 2013 at 12:46 AM

 If she changes classes have each teacher ask her where her coat is if she shows up without it and have the last teacher make sure she has it when she leaves and finally if she rides a bus ask the driver to make sure she gets off the bus with it or meet the bus and make sure she has it.

Tell her as long as she is unable to keep up with her coat you will continue to do this it might make her think twice.

suesues
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 7:29 AM

can she check it somewhere in school do they have lockers ?

HopesNDreams
by Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Who is managing her medications? There are ADHD meds with antianxiety properties. There are also ones that are known to set off anxiety. I do hope you have a psychiatrist or neurologist managing it and not just a pediatrician. I'm assuming with a hospitalization in there that you do.

Does she gave an IEP? Provisions can be made within the IEP to allow for an iTouch or similar device to send off reminders for her coat, ie to put in locker when arriving at school and put on when going home or a checklist of what to take home.
JoEllyn1962
by Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 11:49 PM

 

Hi All,

 

Thanks for all the replies. Sorry for the delay in answering this. The problem with my DD's school is that it is huge (3500 kids), and she wears her coat from class to class as it's cold in the school. So, when she loses it, it's in such a big area with so many kids (who can take it), that it really hard to find the coat. I think the solution is to give her a thick sweatshirt to wear at school, and have her keep her coat in her locker. According to one of the teachers who works at the school, the minute a nice coat hits the lost and found box (which is in the front hall of the school) kids will go in and take out the nicer coats and keep them!! (Where are these kids parents? Don't they notice that their kids have expensive and/or nice coats that the parents did not buy, coats that have my DD's NAME IN THEM in several places?) As for losing the coats on purpose, this could be a possibility with the second hand coats, BUT my DD has always been bad about keeping track of her coat. (Her last two schools were small, so it was easy to find a lost coat.) She does have a 504 plan for her ADHD, and thouigh I could add that  I want the teachers to remind her to remember her coat, I am reluctant to do this. The reason is that the poor teachers have enough to do, and I feel my DD will never learn to "remember" on her own if she always has a teacher to prompt her.

In the future, I am going to have her do chores to "work" off the expense of any lost second hand coats. (This is all she has now.) Since the coats aren't expensive, it won't take her too long to "work" off the cost of a lost coat. Again, she has been suffering with severe anxiety and ADHD. She struggles so much all the time, I hate to be too harsh on her about the coats. BUT, she has to try and learn how to keep track of them, and maybe if she knows that losing a coat will mean more chores, she will be more careful. (And, really, having to do a few more chores is not that harsh of a punishment, so I'd feel comfortable with this.) At some point, she has to "learn" to be more careful. (If her spaciness continues into adulthood, her life is going to be a bumpy, expensive ride.)

Lastly, as for non -stimulant ADHD drugs, I am not considering this now as my DD already has to take 2 to 3 medications per day for her anxiety. I do not want to give her any more meds at this time. If, in the future, her anxiety meds are decreased, I would then consider giving her a non-stimulant ADHD drug.

-JoJo

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Dec. 25, 2013 at 8:47 AM

I agree with what has already been suggested. Let her work to buy new/new to her coats and I like the agenda suggestion. Have her write it on every page if that is what it takes to get her to remember. Good luck! 

My brother (adhd)  was forever losing coats and jackets while growing up~ now he rarely wears one, lol.

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