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Loss of BFF over a silly BOY???

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:18 AM
  • 35 Replies

Needing some input Mama's!

My 13 year old daughter had a breakdown with her BFF over a boy, so I think. These two girls have been friends for 10 years and as you might imagine, this young lady is a significant part of our lives as well.

I lover her just like she is my own.

My oldest son told me tonight that the girls are not on speaking terms anymore. I had a suspicion that something was up even though she did not initially share this information.

I opened the topic tonight with her. We both cried. She is mortified and misses her. I lost BFF's over stupid stuff and even once a boy. It hurts no matter what age you are.

She says it is one thing why they are not talking. A boy whom her BFF likes and suspects my daughter likes as well. Yet, my son says it is another reason that he over heard, so I am not totally sure what is going on. BUT...I am tempted to call the friends mom so we can chat about it and see if we can do anything to help.

I suggested to my daughter to write a letter to her sharing her feelings with the BFF. BUT I am so worried that the friend will share it out loud and cause much more unnecessary grief. I don't think she would but geesh...I am not so sure. I might just be paranoid. I also assured her that I will do whatever she wants in any way that I can help her.

She is so, so sad. It breaks my heart.

Do I sit back and let them figure it out or do I...get involved where I might not be needed? Have you had any similar experiences?

Thank you so, so much!

by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kgsharber
by New Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:20 AM

Give them some time to work it out themselves before you dive in.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:23 AM
Let them work it out,oat girls have a shift in friendships at that age.

It hard to watch that's for sure.
GMMC
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:29 AM

Oh god...

I was so worried that this is what you would offer...like really I should stay out...how about calling on the friends mom to talk about it?

LOL!

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Dec. 12, 2013 at 2:21 AM
Nope stay out of it for at least a few more days. This same thing happened to my dd at the same age 3 years ago. It was short lived and even though the other mother and I are close friends I am GLAD I stayed out of it.
Also the other possibility like Lucky above said this IS the age friendships do shift and change. Although my DD and her BFF are still close many other friendships changed mainly due to different interests. Give your daughter your full support by listening but no do not get involved you could very well make things worse and imagine how upset and resentful your dd would deserve to be? Nope it's a good life lesson but yes I'm sorry and hugs its tough to watch. May be over tomorrow or not for 2 weeks hard to say


Quoting GMMC:

Oh god...


I was so worried that this is what you would offer...like really I should stay out...how about calling on the friends mom to talk about it?


LOL!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 2:24 AM

Stay out of it - my daughter and her best friend (who had been best friends for almost 3 years at this point) randomly stopped talking and she's 22 now and I *STILL* don't know what happened for them to stop talking like that. She needs to figure it out herself whether the friendship is worth salvaging or not. Lot's of friendships shift at this age - and sometimes - you will NEVER know why

GMMC
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 2:29 AM

 I know you are right...I really do...BUT

It is like I can't help myself....!

I would LOL but I can't...I am serious...I want to jump right in on this situation!

I think it is a good thing I put this out there...

Thanks to all...

Quoting bizzeemom2717: Nope stay out of it for at least a few more days. This same thing happened to my dd at the same age 3 years ago. It was short lived and even though the other mother and I are close friends I am GLAD I stayed out of it.
Also the other possibility like Lucky above said this IS the age friendships do shift and change. Although my DD and her BFF are still close many other friendships changed mainly due to different interests. Give your daughter your full support by listening but no do not get involved you could very well make things worse and imagine how upset and resentful your dd would deserve to be? Nope it's a good life lesson but yes I'm sorry and hugs its tough to watch. May be over tomorrow or not for 2 weeks hard to say


Quoting GMMC:

Oh god...


I was so worried that this is what you would offer...like really I should stay out...how about calling on the friends mom to talk about it?


LOL!

 

proudmother5946
by Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 3:00 AM
My daughter had a friend in 8th grade, she slept over several times and they were on the sane basketball team. One day the girl just stopped talking to my daughter. No clue why,no fight or argument.
I ran into the girl and she was polite to me and even asked how my daughter was.
They're in all the same classes this year and the same basketball team. The other girl is varsity and mine is JV. She either ignores my daughter or glares at her.
my daughter wants me to ask the girl's dad about it but I won't.
GMMC
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 3:03 AM

 Well that is strange...

May I ask...why you won't ask the dad?

Quoting proudmother5946: My daughter had a friend in 8th grade, she slept over several times and they were on the sane basketball team. One day the girl just stopped talking to my daughter. No clue why,no fight or argument.
I ran into the girl and she was polite to me and even asked how my daughter was.
They're in all the same classes this year and the same basketball team. The other girl is varsity and mine is JV. She either ignores my daughter or glares at her.
my daughter wants me to ask the girl's dad about it but I won't.

 

tlcmommi4
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 5:30 AM
2 moms liked this

I have gone through 2 teenage girls so far and you absolutely must stay out of this.  I interferred way too many times and I always kicked myself afterwards.  This is the worst age!  With girls there will always be drama from about 12 on.  Not as much after 11th grade, but even some at that point.  Girls are vicious.  Tread lightly.  Be there for her to talk to, give her hugs and support, but do not get in the middle and do not call the girls mom.  Sorry - that is just a big no-no.  She will be teased and belittled for having her "mommy" fight her battles.  

cybcm
by Bronze Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 7:53 AM
3 moms liked this
Once they hit that 12-13 point friendships do change and wear thin. If they have a 10yr friendship then that began at 3, and lets be honest, at that age friendship is just someone to play with. Once they become older and begin to develop their own thoughts, opinions, begin 'experimenting' with their personality what is needed from a friendship will change and most won't withstand the test of time.

I would absolutely stay out of it, especially given that you don't know for sure what it's about. It's hard when you get attached to your kid's friends but as the adult you need to be willing to let go of them.
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