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Mental Breakdown last night

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 5:45 AM
  • 32 Replies

I had a huge mental breakdown last night over the smallest thing!  I basically threatened to never help another child of mine with anything to do with going to college again.  Ever.  They are on their own.  All of this because my son told me he decided not to do the extra credit to get his B in pre calculus up to an A.  I completely freaked out and then pouted like a baby in my room until I fell asleep.  I lashed out at my husband for not supporting me in making him do the report and told my son that I was finished helping him prepare for the ACT and would not be guiding him through the college admissions process over the next year.

I know this is irrational, and I know it's because I found out last week that my 18 year old freshman daughter is pregnant and is leaving college next week to move home and transfer to a local college.  I helped my 23 year old get everyhting lined up and off to college only to have her move home after first semester (not pregnant) and enroll in a local college too.  Then transfer again 2 more times!!  I am SOOOO over college crap.  All the work involved in getting them there, dorm decorations and set up, stressing over ACT tests, college applications and acceptance letters, tuition, financial aid applications etc etc etc and then have them home 4 months later. 

My son refusing to write an extra credit report to get his grade to an A before finals was just the straw that broke the camels back.  It would give him a 4.0 this semester and get him up to a 3.5 unweighted GPA and probably improve his class ranking ... all needed to qualify for good scholarships.  I just feel like I am the only one who cares about anything to do with college here and my husband is always telling me to back off.  I just need his support and I dont really have it most of the time.  When I do, he only verbalizes a slight agreement after I go off on a rant for 15 minutes.  

I am exhausted and feel like throwing in the towel.  How in the world will my son make it off at college if he refuses to write a simple 1000 word essay on Issac Newton to get his grade up the 1.5 points he needs to get that A?  

I just feel so overwhelmed and beat down.   

by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 5:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 12, 2013 at 9:23 AM
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Kids their age need to not do or do extra credit on their own. Can't make them do something they don't wanna do. Sounds like you need to get counseling maybe with what you are dealing with. Your son has a high B. Be happy. I am worried my dd has a C and a D in college. He sounds like a good kid. Stop nagging.
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tlcmommi4
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 9:38 AM

Oh I know ... if you read my post you can tell I am shocked over the way I behaved over such a minor issue.  I am just sort of venting here.  I know it was all due to the stress of finding out my daughter is pregnant and coming home.  

Quoting atlmom2: Kids their age need to not do or do extra credit on their own. Can't make them do something they don't wanna do. Sounds like you need to get counseling maybe with what you are dealing with. Your son has a high B. Be happy. I am worried my dd has a C and a D in college. He sounds like a good kid. Stop nagging.


8chickens
by Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 10:18 AM

They are adults and you are stressing about issues not in your hands. So many college students drop out after freshman year I wonder If they really wanted to go or were pressured. Perhaps moving to moms with adult kids will get you more mothers responding who've had similiar situations.

MrsBLB
by Missi on Dec. 12, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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((hugs))

tlcmommi4
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 11:18 AM

It was my 16 year old I had the melt down at because of the homework lol ... and my freshman isnt dropping out, just transferring.  But good idea about the aduly kids room - thanks!   

Quoting 8chickens:

They are adults and you are stressing about issues not in your hands. So many college students drop out after freshman year I wonder If they really wanted to go or were pressured. Perhaps moving to moms with adult kids will get you more mothers responding who've had similiar situations.


atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 12, 2013 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I am on Mom's of adult kids also.

Quoting tlcmommi4:

It was my 16 year old I had the melt down at because of the homework lol ... and my freshman isnt dropping out, just transferring.  But good idea about the aduly kids room - thanks!   

Quoting 8chickens:

They are adults and you are stressing about issues not in your hands. So many college students drop out after freshman year I wonder If they really wanted to go or were pressured. Perhaps moving to moms with adult kids will get you more mothers responding who've had similiar situations.


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alwaysbelieve
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 12:07 PM
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 I have stressed to all of my kids: "Your education belongs to YOU. Take ownership of it. What you learn no one can ever take away from you except you." 

For you: Guide him. Explain that without the scholarship you just can't afford for him to go to 'X' college so if that's where he wants to go, he must do whatever it takes to get those scholarships. Then it's on him, not you. 

tlcmommi4
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 12:18 PM

You are so right!!  And I do tell him that school X is only an option with a very good scholarship.  He got a 28 on the ACT so he is feeling overly confident.  I explained that without the 32 that is just not going to happen.  He got a 31 last practice so we will see ... the test is on Saturday.  I think helping him prep and study the past 6 weeks has burned me out too.  I know it's on him, but I always try to do what I can to help them.  I think I am seeing a pattern of backfire though.  I told my husband no more, I will voice my opinion on what needs to be done but then back off.  I can not continue to do each and every little thing for them every step of the way.  Thank for the response :)  

alwaysbelieve
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 3:20 PM
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Quoting tlcmommi4:

You are so right!!  And I do tell him that school X is only an option with a very good scholarship.  He got a 28 on the ACT so he is feeling overly confident.  I explained that without the 32 that is just not going to happen.  He got a 31 last practice so we will see ... the test is on Saturday.  I think helping him prep and study the past 6 weeks has burned me out too.  I know it's on him, but I always try to do what I can to help them.  I think I am seeing a pattern of backfire though.  I told my husband no more, I will voice my opinion on what needs to be done but then back off.  I can not continue to do each and every little thing for them every step of the way.  Thank for the response :)  

Good for you! Do forget to remind yourself you WILL get through this and if it backfires again, its not because you didn't try. There is only so much one can do for another before they have to take some ownership. It hurts to see our kids fall and I struggle with the watching them do it cuz I know they're gonna cuz they didn't listen to me thing ALL the time :)

JessicaR7
by Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this

First off...I don't think you are some crazy lady.  You are just venting and this is a normal response to putting so much into your kids and then you watch them throw away the opportunities they've been given.  Everyone's children disappoints them in different ways...the difference being that some of us are more honest with ourselves than others.  I wouldn't say you wouldn't help him through the college selection process but I'd certainly back off.  What will happen away at college is you won't be there to push him, so he will learn the hard way and on his own.  I think it's better he start learning those lessons now before leaving the nest.  Both of your girls coming back...that happens hun.  Sometimes I think it takes those set backs in order for young adults to get motivated and move forward.  Also, their actions or lack of motivation (and what teen is *really* that motivated) are not a reflection of you as a mom.  I can tell just by your passion that you have poured your heart and soul into your children.  Hang in there and I wish you the best!

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