Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Rebuilding trust with your teenager

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM
  • 11 Replies

My 15 year old DD got caught breaking all of the rules in the book... yes all at one time. We trusted her she was very clever.

Now after 6 weeks of no phone, being grounded and a couple of other punishemts along with several talks, good crys and hugs she will be given her devices and will not be grounded in a week. I'm scared. I don't trust her.

She says she's "gonna be good" she now knows all wrong doing comes out. She doesn't want to be the person she was being and the stress of what she was up to wasn't worth it. Again, she is saying all of the right things...see, I don't trust her. I let her take the bus home insted of picking her upfrom school, I couldn't be in 2 places at one time my 12 year old had an orhtodontsit appointment I didn't want her to miss and I was a nervous wreck the whole time. When I got home she was making frienship bracelts cuddled up watching TV. Whew.

I know trust is earned and it comes with time. But the hours wondering what she was doing while we were at the ortho were painful. She's made plans with a seemingly trusted friend in a week, and I will talk to the parents before they get together.

Any sage words here?

by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
drfink
by Emily on Dec. 20, 2013 at 11:31 PM

 One step at a time ...inch by inch.It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

drfink
by Emily on Dec. 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting 1sipandimgone:

 

Quoting drfink:

 One step at a time ...inch by inch.It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY LOL

 If you don't like my answer I must be doing it right LOL

starlite204
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 12:23 AM

id keep checking up on her, just so she knows that what she did, has consiqueinces, she wont like it but she has to earn her trust.

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 6:15 AM

I taught my kids from an early stage once you break my trust, there will be none and that will be like that for a very long time. To be honest I don't think they can ever earn it back with me until they move out.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:11 AM

One mom I knew had a kid that broke her trust - and when she began earning it back by spending unsupervised time with friends on outings, the mom would text her and say 'within 2 minutes I want a picture of you and (name) in this pose, by this location' She changed the pose/location EVERY time so they couldn't preplan a picture. I would activiate GPS tracking on her phone - when she got it back -  also as a 'trust' step so that I knew where she was at all times. Cause you can't lock her down until her 18th birthday - she'll just go wild once she turns 18; you want her to LEARN from her mistakes, so give her the tools and supervision to slowly earn her wings back.

Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM

What rules did she break all at one time?  Was it a one time thing?

Give her the trust - your worry is YOU.  And if she broke "all the rules, all at one time" but is otherwise generally a good kid - I wouldn't be so hard on her.  Everyone makes mistakes.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Dec. 21, 2013 at 11:21 AM


Quoting drfink:

It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

Agree! Keep her on a very short leash so to speak and as she proves herself trustworthy over time extend the time she can have with friends, devices, etc.

Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:12 PM

SHE has to make the effort to earn your trust back. Explain to her that she has to make the effort to show that she is doing things right this time.

I agree that it will be inch by inch, and I also think you're on the right track.

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:59 PM
Trust will take a long time to get back. It doesn't happen overnight.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Monsita
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:11 PM
You take baby steps.

Seems like you are helping her to be in the right track.

Just remember, as a parent you can trust and verified, lol
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN