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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Rebuilding trust with your teenager

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My 15 year old DD got caught breaking all of the rules in the book... yes all at one time. We trusted her she was very clever.

Now after 6 weeks of no phone, being grounded and a couple of other punishemts along with several talks, good crys and hugs she will be given her devices and will not be grounded in a week. I'm scared. I don't trust her.

She says she's "gonna be good" she now knows all wrong doing comes out. She doesn't want to be the person she was being and the stress of what she was up to wasn't worth it. Again, she is saying all of the right things...see, I don't trust her. I let her take the bus home insted of picking her upfrom school, I couldn't be in 2 places at one time my 12 year old had an orhtodontsit appointment I didn't want her to miss and I was a nervous wreck the whole time. When I got home she was making frienship bracelts cuddled up watching TV. Whew.

I know trust is earned and it comes with time. But the hours wondering what she was doing while we were at the ortho were painful. She's made plans with a seemingly trusted friend in a week, and I will talk to the parents before they get together.

Any sage words here?

by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM
Replies (11-11):
ItsaJOB
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 2:43 PM

I lost trust with my teen the 3rd month of her starting at h.s. (parochial school).  We told her then she would be watched/checked up on.  Things went smoothly, for about 3 months, and another incident.  Back to no trust.  By the 2nd year at the same parochial school....yet more incidences...so...we took her out of that school and moved her to a small public school (out of district, 35 minute drive from home).  Things started off quite well, she became involved in extra activities and it was a good year....until the end of the year.  Summer was LONG...and she hung out with friends many days....us not know what she was doing.  She insisted all was good.  School started up again, 2 months in....AGAIN, issue.  All trust gone.  It has been a battle for us.  I hopeyour incident was done all at once.  Being there were tears and talks, I think that helps with your situation.  Ours is not so much.  She uses our car and is not truthful as to where she goes.  I like the idea of poses WITH the friends in a specific type of pose proving she is with who she is with.  As to what they are doing.....God only knows.  Our daughter has gotten so drunk she got blood alcohol poisoning.  We do a breathalizer when she walks in the door, now.  She has done pot.  (we've tested her on/off again since that incident).  And, well, when there was the bf, most likely sex, as well.  None of this is how we intended to raise her.  She had been talked to about the risks of all of it.  She was explained to of the greatest 'fears' that parents have for their children...and yet she dared to try them all.  She will soon graduate...only to say she just plans to work for a year.  I have another on-going post about things, too.  Venting helps.  Ideas help from others who have been there.  TRUST is a huge thing.  I have told our daughter that once you lost trust, it is NEVER truly earned back again.  BUT, we still will love her.  She thought we were going to kick her out with the last incident.  I told her we would still love her and give her another chance, but that there are also consequences to the bad choices she makes.  Rambling...I know.  I just express a lot of my thoughts....But, I truly feel your pain.  You feel like you were punched in the gut.  But, many teens try to push the limits.  Our daughter likes excitement...even taking risks to get that excitement.  I think having almost died with the drinking incident maybe scared her a bit....but how long will that 'scare' last?  Now she knows her limits?  Not really sure....I CAN'T TRUST HER!!!!

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