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18 year old son doesn't want to drive?

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:16 AM
  • 45 Replies
My son just turned 18. He's never had a job, but has applied at a few places..He says he doesn't want to drive.. he doesn't have a license btw.. When I've taken him out driving he does pretty well until anxiety sets in ( he senses my anxiety I think) he pulls over and asks me to take the wheel.. His friends have moved on, with jobs, school, driving, girlfriends, etc.. He has no one now that he talks to or sees... It's like he is stuck while everyone else moved on with their lives...I feel like a failure as his mom..
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by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:22 AM
He needs to get a license and get a job. No college??? You have to get some tough love. He needs to get in the real adult world now. Put him in drivers ed. Someone else can teach him. You have to take drivers ed here at least under 18.
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DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this

OMG! Im so glad this isnt just me. I have a 19 yo son that is the same way. He just got his learner's this year and still hasn't gone for his driver's. He just wants to sit at home and play xbox  and hang out with friends while his friends have all moved on to jobs, school, and life. I don't get it. I have had to do the tough love thing though. I cut him off financially. It is really hard to socialize when you don't even have the money to go hang out at McDonald's with your friends. I offered an insentive. He has a vehicle waiting for him but he doesnt get it until he gets a job and can pay for the gas and insurance. SO, until he motivates himself, he has very little in the way of livelihood and it is starting to work. 

You are not a failure. We just missed a motivator along the way. If you are like me, you wanted your kids to have more of a childhood and made it a little too easy. However, in my case, not even this works because my 17 yo, who is still a junior in high school, is already a scholarship recipient to a prestigious military school and well on his way to a future. SO, hang in. Make it a little tougher for your 18yo to have a life that he is accustomed to and he will come around. It is hard but you have to be tough.

Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:37 AM
2 moms liked this
A failure as a mom? No. Not in the least!
Some teens/ young adults just tasked longer to leave the nest.

Have you thought about a driving school? If you thing he's feeding off your anxiety.... Perhaps a paid instructor would ease his tension if that really is the difficulty. Instructors are trained to be mellow in any driving situation with a learning driver . It have often been said that teens learn better when the adult is not emotionally involved.

A failure as a mother? ABSOLUTELY NOT! NEVER in million years would I consider this as a failure.... A road block ( no pun intended) seemingly created from him, not you.
OwlNuggets
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:38 AM

My 29 year old friend went down this path and STILL doesn't drive... It really REALLY hampers his daily life.

mgm_5
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:14 PM
If he's not comfortable don't force it, last thing we need is someone else on this road who can't drive... My 23 yr old younger bro has a license but loves riding his bike, does your son have one? Maybe get him a nice expensive bike he can ride around with, my bro lives in a big city too (san jose, ca)
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:16 PM
They make these things called bicycles...they can get you to work or college.
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:29 PM


Quoting mgm_5: If he's not comfortable don't force it, last thing we need is someone else on this road who can't drive... My 23 yr old younger bro has a license but loves riding his bike, does your son have one? Maybe get him a nice expensive bike he can ride around with, my bro lives in a big city too (san jose, ca)

I can't even imagine anyone using a bike to get around San Jose!   It is not a bike friendly area..... Does he bike to work, School, etc? 




boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:34 PM

Has he seen a doctor?     My nephew was the same way.... he had no interest in driving.  After HS graduation, he just did nothing.... no school, no job....    Finally, my sister took him to a doctor and he was prescribed an Rx for anxiety and mild depression.    He got his license, a truck and enrolled in Community College!   He is doing well.   Though he is 21 and has never had a job.




mgm_5
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this
He bikes to work, he lives on white between aborn and quimby and bikes to the city office downtown, he's a budget analyst for the city of SJ....he got used to it going to college in Santa Barbara where everyone bikes so he continued doing it when he moved back home

Quoting boys2men2soon:


Quoting mgm_5: If he's not comfortable don't force it, last thing we need is someone else on this road who can't drive... My 23 yr old younger bro has a license but loves riding his bike, does your son have one? Maybe get him a nice expensive bike he can ride around with, my bro lives in a big city too (san jose, ca)

I can't even imagine anyone using a bike to get around San Jose!   It is not a bike friendly area..... Does he bike to work, School, etc? 

amberNewman0213
by New Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:56 PM

it sounds like some tough love needs to be done, he cant live with mom and dad forever. He has to learn to take care of himself. i wouldnt say failure as a mother you just want to give him everything like any parent does but there is a such thing as too much of a good thing.

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